Dance of the Flower Petals
by Shashuko the Paisley Maiden
Summary: Sakura switches bodies... with a yaoi fangirl Narutard! Pairings will include SasuNaru, KibaHina, ShikaTem, SasoDei, KakuHida, and several OC pairings, but I'll try not to focus on those.
1. Switchin'

Me: Well, this is an attempt at a ficcy that is acutally self-satisfactory, so here I go. It takes place before the gennin exams that naruto passes, so that's that. Teehee.

Sakura: Am I paired with Sasuke-kun?

Me: ... Anyway! _this is in the dreamscape dreamscape. 'this is thoughts'.__** SHANNAROU! this is an Inner Self! **_** In the dreamscape, an Inner Self looks like this CHA! **

Sakura: HEY! ANSWER MY QUESTION!

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_Sakura was standing on a wide grassy plain. '_Where am I?' _she thought, looking around at the blank fluffy sameness all around her. '_This is a weird dream.'

** Isn't it obvious? **_Inner Sakura chuckled. _

'No.'

** You don't know either? ... Damn. **

_"Where am I?" said another voice, aloud. Sakura turned to face a girl about her age, maybe a little older. Her short hair was soft orange and her eyes bright blue._

_"Well, this is a strange dream," the girl remarked. "Who are you?"_

_"I'm Haruno Sakura," said Sakura, bowing. "Who are you?"_

_"Yaezaki Touka-- wait, SAKURA? _HARUNO _SAKURA?!?"_

_"Meaning cherry blossom of the spring, yes." Sakura glared. "Why?"_

_"Then you're an anime character," Touka said lightly._

** Anime character? I don't think so CHA! **_"What the HELL are you talking--"_

_"__Kukuku. So glad for you to join us,__" chuckled a voice that came from everywhere and nowhere at once._

_"Who's there?" asked Sakura and Touka at the same time, looking around._

_"__Just me__," said the voice. "_You're_ here for an experiment.__"_

_"Experiment?" Sakura gasped. "What's going on?"_

_The grass started uprooting itself. The grass around Sakura became cherry blossoms, and the grass around Touka became peach blossoms. All of the flower petals swirled around them._

_The peach blossoms collected around Sakura, and the cherry blossoms gathered to cover Touka. _

_Both girls fell over simultaneously._

**111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111**

Sakura yawned. "I gotta get up," she muttered to herself. "There's no school today, but I was gonna go shopping with Ino-pig..."

She opened her eyes to an unfamiliar room.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111**

"Hnnn?" Touka opened her eyes. "Where am I? This must be another dream."

_** I wish I could say it was, **_ commented a little voice in Touka's head.

_'Who the hell are you?' _Touka thought frantically.

_** You know me as 'Inner Sakura'. I sorted looked through your memories when you switched with Sakura. Is that really what's gonna happen? Sasuke-kun's gonna betray us? SHANNAROU I TRUSTED HIM!!! **_

In spite of herself, Touka smirked at Inner Sakura's reaction._ 'Yep. Wait, I'm IN NARUTO?'_

_** Yep. When I leafed through your memories, by the way, I noticed those SasuNaru doujinshi. **_

_'You have a problem with yaoi?'_

_** Not at all. They draw Sasuke-kun so HOT! **_

_'But aren't you jealous of Naru-chan or whatever since you like Sasuke?'_

_** Nope. As long as Sasuke doesn't go with Ino-pig I'm happy. Because she's just not good for him. **_

_'Don't worry. In my opinion, SasuIno sucks!'_

_** Here, here! **_

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Sakura: THAT WAS SHORT! AND THERE WAS NO SASUSAKU ACTION!

Me: Keep dreaming, Sakura. And it was short because it was the first chapter.

**Inner Sakura: VIVA LA YAOI! SHANNAROU!**

Me: HELLZ YEAH!

Sakura: Hell NO! Man I'm so glad you don't own Naruto or Sasuke would so be gay with him!

Me: That wouldn't be changing anything. They are! ...Inner-chan, please tell us what happens next!

**Inner Sakura: CHA! Next time on Dance of the Flow Petals, Sakura-chan and Touka-chan walk in each other's shoes! How will their friends react? Next time: Academy Days and Middle School Haze! I'll be kicking ass as usual so read it SHANNAROU!**

Me: Wow Inner-chan, you sound like Naruto!

**Inner Sakura: DON'T EVEN SUGGEST THAT!!!**

Me: Ah... Well! Minna-san, tell me if this sucks so far! Should I bother to keep writing?

Sakura: She will even if no one likes it... be warned.

Me: ... yeah I know this is short. It's the first chappy! Gimme a break.


	2. An Awkward Situation

Sakura: DAMMIT! She wrote more!

Inner Sakura: Really? ... HELL YEAH!!!

Me: I agree. ONWARD!

Sakura: By the way, Shashuko, the Paisley Maiden, does not own Sasu-- err Naruto. But feel free to sue her!

Me: Excellent. Sakura told them all to sue me. Now no one will...

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_'Where am I?' _Sakura thought frantically. She looked around her. She was in a room with peach-colored walls. The queen-sized bed had a chocolate brown bedspread, which Sakura had awoken tangled up in. The pillow her head was laying on had an orange cover. And on the wall was...

A poster of her, Naruto, Sasuke, and some grey-haired guy with a mask? ANIME STYLE?!?

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'_Hey, Inner Sakura?' _Touka asked the Sasuke fangirl's alternate self.

_** What is it? **_

_'Why am I talking to you?'_

_** You're in Sakura's body. **_

"WHAT?!?" Touka yelled aloud.

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"Calm down, Sakura, there's gotta be a way to figure this out." Sakura stared at the poster. It said, 'NARUTO,' on it in big English letters. "Okayyy... that orange-haired girl said I'm an anime character. That must be a poster from the anime and..." Sakura laughed weakly.

"And I sound crazy."

There was a knock on the door. "Touka-neechan? Are you talking to yourself again?"

Sakura froze. "Umm..."

The voice laughed. "That's what I thought. By the way, breakfast is on the table."

Sakura grabbed the hairbrush on the (orange) bedside table and walked to the mirror. _'All this stress can't be good for my hair...' _When she reached the mirror, she didn't see her own face.

She saw the face of the orange-haired girl from last night.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Sakura fainted faster than a Hyuuga Hinata with Naruto three inches from her face.

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"Okaaay then," Kiiro said aloud, though she was speaking to Inner Sakura. "_Now_ what?"

_** You pretend to be Sakura until we figure this out. **_

_'WHAT? How am I gonna be an anime character I never paid attention to?' _Kiiro thought frantically.

_** Well, I have an idea. Can I make you sick? **_

_'YOU CAN DO THAT? But you're just a split personality of someone! How could you make me-- er Sakura's body-- SICK?'_

_** I'm not a split personality of her. I just happen to reside in her brain. **_

_'What ARE you then?'_

_** I'm a demon. **_

_'WHAT?'_

_** One of the lesser demons, but a demon nontheless. Occasionally, our superiors seals us inside a human child, usually one in the area of someone they want to watch over. When we get sealed, we become somewhat like that person and we become **_**like **_**an alternate personality. That is why they call my kind, the 'Inner Selves.' I was sealed inside Sakura to watch over the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, Uzumaki Naruto, as well as the whole of the Uchiha clan, who seemed to be up to something extremely dangerous to demons. **_

_'Is that part of why Sakura like Sasuke-bastard? Because you're supposed to watch him?'_

_** She's also just a preteenaged girl with a bad-boy complex... and I like Sasuke too. WHY ARE YOU TWITCHING?!? **_

_'After how much of jerk he is to Naruto, not to mention YOU, in Shippuuden, you still like him?'_

_** If we can set him up with Naruto there's hope for him yet! He redeems himself as a seme to the dobe. **_

_'You certainly have a point there.' _ Touka nodded. _'But, what do I do now?"_

_** Until we figure out a way to send you back, you'll have to pretend to be Sakura. **_

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"Touka," called a feminine voice. "Touka-chaaan... wake up..."

"I'm not Touka," Sakura murmered to herself, shutting her eyes tight, "I'm in my own body. This is all a bad dream..."

"Who are you really, then?" The voice was sarcastic now.

"My name is Haruno Sakura. I'm NOT that weird orange-haired chick, I'm not an anime character, I'm going to open my eyes and I'll be awake in my room. There won't be that creepy poster of me, Naruto, Sasuke-kun, and some weird cyclops guy on the wall..." Sakura said, sitting up and opening her eyes.

She was in an all-white room, in a bed. The room was clearly a hospital room.

Sitting next to her was Sasuke... wait. That wasn't Sasuke.

This person's midnight hair didn't stick up in the back, it was worn in a short low ponytail. And the face was paler, smoother, more... feminine...

"Sasuke-kun?!?" Sakura shreiked. "Did somone turn you into a girl?!?"

The person Sakura thought was Sasuke glared. "Not funny, Touka-chan. Stop imitating Sakura and tell me what happened."

"Sasuke-kun? Who is this Touka girl?" Sakura was worried now. Was Touka someone Sasuke was dating?

"Oh... My... GOD. You _are_ Sakura." the person backed away slowly.

"Sasuke-kun? What's going on?" Sakura was confused now.

"I'M NOT SASUKE!!!" the person yelled. "I'M NOT A GUY!"

"Who are you then?" Sakura asked.

The (apparently) girl sighed. "My name is Oumagatoki Kuroko, and I'm Yaezaki Touka's best friend. You appear to be... stuck. As Touka-chan. Unless of course you're Touka-chan and you hit your head when ou fainted, thinking you're an anime character."

"Anime character? Orange-girl said something about that... right before we switched. Then I woke up in a strange room, and I saw this poster of me, Naruto, some weird guy, and Sasuke-kun. Then, I fainted," Sakura said.

"You saw her before you switched?" Kuroko pushed.

Sakura nodded. "I was in this grassy plain. I assumed it was dream, I saw her there, the grass turned into flower petals, this creepy voice said something about experiments, then I woke up and I was Touka." She pulled at her (or, rather, Touka's) short orange hair and made a face. "Her hair is sooo short... I hate short hair."

Sakura sighed. "Am I really an anime character, Kuroko-san?"

"Nooo, pink is a normal natural hair color," Kuroko said sarcastically.

"It isn't," Sakura informed Kuroko cooly, "It's just the color my mother and grandmother use. Err, _used_ in Granma's case."

"Why bother to die your hair so often?" Kuroko asked. "And why _pink _of all colors?"

"We die our hair to hide or real hair color. And pink looks cute with our eye color," Sakura explained.

Kuroko furrowed her eyebrows. "What is your real hair color?"

The Sasuke fangirl shrugged. "I've been dying it so long, I don't really remember anymore," she laughed.

Kuroko broke out laughing. "I can-- HAHAHAH!-- believe that," she gasped. "So, what had been happening before you switched? I wanna know what point in the anime Touka-chan's been sucked into."

"Well..." Sakura thought a moment. "I have the gennin exams in a year..."

"That early?" Kuroko asked. "... So she'll have to figure everything out herself!!!"

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_** Shannaro! Twenty more pushups and then we work on chakra manipulation!!! **_Inner Sakura yelled.

_'Okay! One two three four...' _

Inner Sakura was training Touka. While Touka had Sakura's body and therefore muscles that were better with things like pushups than hers were, she wasn't used to physical strain mentally yet. Also, Touka had, of course, never used chakra before, so learning to use it well enough to pass the gennin exams like in the series was going to be hard, especially if she wanted to get Sakura's grades. Thankfully (or not), Inner Sakura was constantly teaching Touka how to use it.

_'Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen Twenty!'_

_** Good job! **_

_'Don't say good job like that. I'm not a puppy.'_

_** 'Course not ya bitch. **_

Kiiro chuckled. _'You wound me with your razor wit.'_

_** Okay, now try walking up that tree. **_

_'WHAT?!? Already?'_

_** You heard me. **_

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"So... what is Touka's school like?" Sakura was wearing a dark blue sweater vest with a dark brown pleated skirt and a white, long-sleeved button-up shirt-- Touka's school uniform. She had her hair back in a low ponytail tied with a brown ribbon, which was how Touka usually did her hair.

"Well..." Kuroko said, walking ahead, wearing the same uniform, "I'm in most of your classes, so I'll be able to help you. In the classes where I'm not there, you'll be sitting next to another friend of Touka's."

"YOU TOLD PEOPLE!?" Sakura screeched.

Kuroko covered her ears. "Ouch! You may be Sakura but right now you've got Touka's lung capacity. Please, no screaming."

Sakura payed this comment little attention. "Who else did you tell?" she asked, panicked.

"You'll meet them at lunch," Kuroppi said. "Because I'm calling a clan meeting."

"Touka's part of a clan?" Sakura asked.

"Well..." Kuroko shrugged. "We're not related. Touka named our certain group of friends the Otaku clan, because we're a bunch of anime Otaku and because she's Narutarded."

Sakura twitched. "Narutarded?"

"Since the anime is called Naruto, a Naruto fan is a Narutard, which is short for Naruto Retard," Kuroko explained. "Touka and I are probably the biggest Narutards in our whole school. I'm the Otaku clan head and I think she said she's head elder or first counselor or something along those lines." she shrugged. "Her mind works in weird ways."

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_'Inner-chan, I've been tryong to walk up this tree for three hours. Can I take a break to work on my Taijutsu?'_

_** Okay, okay, I get the message. Stop bitching. **_

_'Since you can read all my thoughts, of course you think I'm bitchin'! This is HARD!'_

_** Actually, you've done pretty well so far. **_

_'Yep.' _Touka started stretching her arms and legs. _'Actually, the way I practice looks pretty stupid... what if someone walks in on me?' _she worried.

_** So henge into someone else, dumbass. Wanna make Ino-pig look stupid? **_

_'Hmm... wait! I have a way for no one to recongnize me!'_

"HENGE!" And standing where Touka in Sakra's body used to be was... Touka in Sakura's body, henge'd into Touka (wearing a standard white training gi). "Since I'm not a real person in this anime, I can do stupid things looking like myself with no worries about Inner-chan's social awareness!"

_** You'd rather be ignorant? **_

_'Ignorance is bliss.' _Touka got into a stance and started punching and kicking the air at random.

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It was lunchtime, and Kuroko and Sakura were on the roof.

"Okay..." Kuroko took a deep breath. She pointed at Sakura. "This isn't Tou-chan."

"Her nickname is Tou-chan?" Sakura giggled. (a/n: 'tou-chan' means 'daddy')

Kuroko nodded. "Now, my understanding is that Touka-chan either _thinks _she's a certain anime character..." she paused. "Or she is one stuck in Touka-chan's body, and Touka-chan is in her body."

"Which anime character?" asked a red-haired boy dryly, clearly disblieving (who wouldn't be?).

Sakura Haruno took a deep breath. "Haruno Sakura form the anime-- are you _sure _it's named after that idiot?" the second part was directed towards Kuroko.

"Yes, I'm completely sure. It's named after Naruto," Kuroko said tiredly.

Everyone stared at Touka, still not beleiving.

"It's true!" said Sakura. "HENGE!"

There was a puff of smoke, startling everyone, and before them stood Sakura's real face.

"If it weren't for the bastard who switched us, then I'd be back home, looking like this," Sakura said. "With Sasuke-kun instaed of this annoying girl who looks eerily like him."

"There's such thing as chakra in our world?" gasped a girl who looked a little younger than the others, "TEACH ME!" she pleaded.

"Me too!" said a girl who was a little older, but looked a lot like the first girl.

"Woah, woah," said Sakura, "People don't use chakra here?"

Kuroko shrugged. "Apparently." then her eyes got big and shiny. "Can you teach _all _of us?"

_'It's like Sasuke with puppy dog eyes!' _Sakura shivered. _'It's so creepy... how can this weird girl look so much like Sasuke?'_

"Okay, I'll teach you," Sakura groaned, "But I'm going to need help my self. What is Touka like?"

Kuroko grinned evilly. "Well, for starters, she's a yaoi fangirl..."

Sakura paled. "YAOI?!?"

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Rock Lee had just ran three laps around Konoha for a warmup, and now he was ready to get to kicking that wooden post. Imagine his surprise when he saw a girl with peach-colored hair kicking and punching at nothing.

"What are you DOING?" Lee said, catching the orange-haired girl's attention.

"Shadow boxing," the girl said, continuing to attack... the atmosphere around her. "I kick and punch the air instead of the training pole, making me able to do more. I also dance around without staying grounded and work on combos, making this form of training more of a simulation of a real fight than what you ninjas usually do: hitting a pole over and over again. Not that there's nothign wrong with that. It just kinda confuses me how staying grounded and doing something over and over again will prepare for the mentaility of an actual fight."

"I see," Lee said, "May I try?"

The girl shrugged. "You can," she said, "Or you could just fight _me._ Shadow boxing is great and all, but actual fighting is the only way to get you better at actual fighting."

"That makes sense," Lee replied, getting into a stance he had leanred at the academy.

"Oh yeah!" the girl said. "Taijutsu only. I'm sick of playing with chakra manipulation for the day so no ninjutsu or genjutsu. No matter how awesome yours may be," she said.

"That suits me just fine," Lee said quickly, not wanting to admit about his... condition. It was embarassing, and he needed to keep up his morale. The gennin exams were next week, after all, and he had every intention of passing them.

"By the way," the girl said cheerfully, "My taijutsu sucks and I've been training all day. Don't expect much from me right now. Or ever." She grinned and flashed him a peace sign.

"We'll see how this goes," Lee said.

The girl dropped into a stance. "Rock Lee, right? I've heard about you."

Lee paled. She knew?

The girl sighed. "I feel bad for you, I must say. Are you a gennin yet?"

"No, but I have exams this week--" Lee gasped. "You're trying to distract me! So you can charge while I'm talking."

"No, I'm waiting for you to make the first move. At the point where I'm learning in this particular fighitng style, I haven't been taught to launch an attack," the girl admitted sheepishly. "I was curious about your current status, is all. I _wonder_ who you're gonna be paired with-- err, wrong word choice-- who you're going to be on a Team with?" She said this as if she already knew who would be on Lee's team.

"I wonder that too. Maybe I'll be on Neji's team! He's my rival," Lee said. "have you heard of him, too?"

"Neji Hyuuga-- err, Hyuuga Neji. Member of the Hyuuga branch house family, hates the main house for supposedly killing off his father, has the bird cage seal. Tall, longish brown hair that, while long and soft, lacks luster and thickness. In short, Lee, you've got better hait than him but need to wear it differently." The girl nodded to herself.

"You notice a lot about hair, don't you?" asked Lee, running at her to attack.

"Well, when your hair's," --she blocked a Lee-oroginated punch-- "As weirdly colored," --she got hit with a kick to the side, but got into a crouch position and attempted to punch Lee in the stomache-- "As mine, you notice these things and decide to compare your hair with others'. I guess it's kind of an obsession."

The girl pushed Lee back, making him lose his balance, then punched him into the ground.

She held her hand out to help him up. "I'm Touka, by the way. Good fight, Lee-kun."

Lee accepted the offered hand and nodded. "Well met, Touka-san. Same time tomorrow?"

Touka shrugged. "Okay. Next time I'll train less hard until you show up. Now, if you'll excuse me, my mom's probably wondering where I am."

She walked away, skipping and singing something that sounded like "Doo wa diddy diddy dum diddy doo."

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"MMMMPH!" Sakura was gagged and tied to a chair, in front of Kuroko's laptop.

Kuroko went to Youtube and looked up 'Naruto Episode 1.'

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Me: Heh heh. That was fun to write.

Sakura: WHY AM I TIED UP?!?

Kuroko: Because I hate your guts, you pink fangirl BITCH!

Sakura: You're a fangirl too! A yaoi fangirl, but a fangirl nontheless!

Me: She has a point there, Kuro-chan.

Inner Sakura: NEXT TIME on 'Dance of the Flower Petals!' A year has passed and Touka has to take the gennin exams! Meanwhile, Kuroko's noticing drastic change sin her favorite anime... and Sakura's gotten used to being an anime character and in someone else's body, but what happen when she sees these changes? One way to find out: Keep reading! Reviews are appreciated too.


	3. One Year Later

Me: Next chappie! w007!

Sakura: Yeah... _GREAT. _(sarcasm)

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Touka yawned and stretched her arms, getting up to go to the mirror. She walked to face her -- Sakura's-- reflection. It was weird being someone else, but she was getting used to it over the year in which she'd been in this situation, especially since she had started going around henge'd into her normal self when not doing things that specifically had to be done by Sakura, such as going to the Academy or putting up with Ino. Acting like she normally did after pretending to be Sakura (even if she had slowly changed Sakura's personality over time), it was nice to wind down and pretend she was in her own body.

She brushed Sakura's hair (she refused to think of it as her own, but instead thought of it as 'borrowed') and put it into two high ponytails with black bows, then tied the all-important red ribbon around her neck. She put on a black v-neck t-shirt with the Haruno sign (that white circle sakura's always wearing somewhere) on the front with a fish net shirt underneath and loose black pants. The kunai holster on Touka's right leg was red like her ribbon. Pull on a red pair those weird shoes all ninja seem to wear (she hated the way they looked, but she had been pleasantly surprised to find that they were very comfortable), Yaezaki Touka was ready to take the gennin exams as someone she wasn't.

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"Sa-ku-ra," Kuroko said for the five millionth time, "Put down my doujinshi and get over here. I need to show you this."

"No," Sakura said stubbornly. While in Touka's body, she was currently henge'd into herself, which she found less awkward than looking like someone she'd never met. "You finally got me into yaoi, so I'm not putting this down until I finish it."

"Sakura." Kuroko repeated. "This is serious."

Sakura made a face. "Ohh, fine then." she put Kuroko's SasuNaru doujinshi down and walks over to the computer Kuroko is sitting in front of.

The computer's set to Youtube, and 'Naruto Episode 1'. It's stuck in the beginning of the episode.

"It's changed," Kuroko whispered. "Watch this..."

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((a/n: 'sakura' is really touka in sakura's body. most of the time, though, touka will be referred to as touka)

"Sakura Haruno!" Umino Iruka called from the testing room. "Come in and take your exam!"

"Hai, sensei!" 'Sakura' walked in, trying her hardest not to bounce around like she would naturally. It was something Touka was known for, in fact. She had little to no attention span and often randomly felt the need to skip around in a circle. If it weren't for Inner Sakura's constant reminders, Touka would probably be locked up in the Konoha psyche ward.

_** Let's ace this thingy and get the hell out of this classroom, **_Inner Sakura advised.

The test consisted of a few basic ninjutsu and taijutsu, along with the bunshin techinique and the henge (which are, of course, both genjutsu). Touka, thanks to Inner Sakura's coaching (and wheedling several various ninja for help when she got stuck), passed with flying colors. She got a hitai-ate with a black cloth, which she tied on her forehead, but it felt weird, so she put it on top of her head, headband-style, like the real Sakura did.

"Thanks, Iruka-sensei!" Touka chirped, skipping out of the testing room. She went back to sit next to Yamanaka Ino and one Hyuuga Hinata.

"How'd you do?" Hinata asked shyly, fiddling with the hitai-ate in her hands. Touka had pointed out to Ino how Hinata was even shyer than Sakura had been when she was little, and so Ino had decided that _"Hinata needs help. I'll lend her some of my Yamanaka brand confidence! Which, by the way, is also the reason Sasuke will pick me over you."_

"I went through that test like Naruto goes through a bowl of ramen," Touka joked, tightening her new hitai-ate. Ino smirked at this, and Hinata giggled softly.

"He eats pretty fast, doesn't he?" she mused.

'Sakura' smirked at Hinata's comment. "You would know... stalker."

Hinata looked away embarrassed. "Am I really?" she whispered.

Touka shook her head frantically. "You just... ah... I was teasing!"

Ino rolled her eyes. "Since when did _you_ care about insulting people, Sakura? Hinata, don't listen to her. She's an idiot."

"Care to say that again, PIG?"

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"Ino-pig sounds kinda like you there, Kuro-chan," Sakura teased.

Kuroko glared. "Shut up."

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The bell rang and every person in the classroom ran out, except for Naruto. He walked somberly through the door to sit on the swing, like he had done the year before. And the year before that.

He watched as graudating students were congratulated by their familes. Why was Naruto so alone?

"NARUU-CHAAAAAN!" a flash of orange and brown ran straight into him on purpose, causing him to almost lose his balance, then falling to the ground in a heap.

"T-Touka-chan," Naruto said, looking down at the girl who had just glomped him, more than slightly weirded out. Touka was a weird girl whose hobby seemed to be hugging people, in addition to the fact that she seemed to always be eating junk food of some sort.

"Hiya!" Touka greeted, holding up two frozen treats on sticks. "It's a frozen yogurt bar! Want one? I only paid for half of these but the guy running the cart let me have another one just 'cause I'm so cute."

Naruto glared at her. "You've been stealing food again, haven't you?"

Touka pouted. "You saying I'm not cute?"

"You're the farthest thing from cute!" Naruto yelled hotly.

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"What... is... she... DOING?" Sakura yelled.

Kuroko shrugged. "Tou-chan has a selection of people who she hugs on sight. She's probably added more than Naruto to her list this past year."

Sakura shivered. "I hope for her own safety that Sasuke isn't one of those people."

After Kuroko had forced Sakura to read the entire Naruto manga that was out so far, and Sakura had watched herself get knocked out by Sasuke and left on a bench (several times, because she didn't beleive it at first), she'd been emo for three weeks, then depressed. And the thing to bring her out of her despair was...

SasuNaru yaoi. At first, she had only read it because in SasuNaru, Sasuke always came back, but after awhile, she'd became more and more obsessed with it. It was her anti-depressant. Haruno Sakura: rabid yaoi fangirl number four (kuroko gave sakura this title- she was number one and Touka was number two. Number three was one of Kuroko and Touka's friends, Kei.) After Sakura's conversion to yaoi-ism, she had also been made a part of the (strange and relatively new) Otaku Clan, which was in essence, more like a club of people who made fun of Sasuke all day.

When Sasuke was not participating in SasuNaru, she hated his guts with, as Kei had put it, 'enough hatred to make Itachi high.'

"Trust me, Sasuke isn't. She hates people like him," Kuroko chuckled.

Sakura smirked. "She's friends with YOU, isn't she?"

The Sasuke-look-alike rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I only look like him. I'm not emo!"

Sakura giggled. "You have a good point, there."

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Touka skipped along the road of Konoha, in disguise as, well, herself, holding a bag of cookies.

_'I love being a ninja,' _she thought, _'I can eat anything I want and just work it off later training, so there is no limit to the junk food I may consume!'_

_** Kicking ass has its perks, **_Inner Sakura agreed. _** Shouldn't you be, like, annoying someone right now? That's what you usually do this time of day. **_

_'Saving my energy. I have... plans for this day,' _Touka explained, smirking.

_** Trying to sound evil doesn't work on me, Tou-baka. I can read your mind... **_Inner Sakura paused, leafing through Touka's brain to find out what exactly these 'plans' of her were. ** ...THAT'S what you're going to do? **

_'Yep!'_

_** ... You idiot. You're going to die. **_

_'Now you sound like Sasuke,' _Touka teased.

_** BE SILENT, SHANNAROU! **_

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"Oh, great," Kuroko sighed. "What's she up to now? That idiot."

Sakura sweatdropped. "You really are a lot like Sasuke, Kuro-chan... and not in a good way," She laughed.

"Well, if I was like him _in_ a good way, you'd be all fangirl on me, wouldn't you?" Kuroko pointed out. "Just because he's similiar to me."

"Well..." Sakura grinned sheepishly. "The person I was when I first came here... probably."

Kuroko smirked. "And that, Sakura, is why I've made sure you changed during your time here so far."

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Touka was (still henge'd as herself and) sitting on the roof next to the Hokage's office when Naruto ran out the window.

_** Shannarou! There he goes, go catch him! **_

_'Right.' _Touka jumped from roof to roof in pursuit of the dead-last blondie.

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"Hmmm... for the first jutsu..." Naruto opened the scroll and started reading. "A bunshin technique?" he made a face. "But I'm no good at those..."

"NARU-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Touka ran up and tackled him. "Watcha got there Naru-chan? A jutsu scroll?"

"Shhh!" Naruto said. "If I can learn a jutsu before they catch me, then I'll pass the gennin exams!"

Touka nodded excitedly. "Good on you! Can I watch?"

"Of course!" Naruto bragged. "Just don't talk!" he started reading the scroll, and Touka read over his shoulder. She pulled a bag of yogurt-covvered pretzels from her bag and munched quietly.

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"She's trying to learn kage-bunshin," Kuroko realized.

Sakura nodded. "Looks like it."

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"Okay..." Naruto mused. "That makes sense! I could so do this!"

"Go for it Naruto!" Touka cheered. _** Shannarou! It's your damn signature move so I'm glad you finally learned it! **_

"Ah-ha! Found you." Iruka appeared from the shadows.

Naruto grinned. "Iruka-sensei! I learned a jutsu, that's means I can graduate, right?"

The brown-haired chuunin's eyebrows furrowed. "Who told you _that?_"

Touka spoke up. "Mizuki-san told him. I'm going to assume you're the great Iruka whom Naruto and Sakura have told me so much about?" _** Okay, Touka-chan, keep flattering him and maybe he won't-- **_

"You're not one of my students," Iruka mused. "And you were reading the scroll over Naruto's shoulder. What's going on?"

Touka giggled. "I'm... someone who likes playing with chakra. I wanted to see what Naru-chan here was reading, and this one jutsu looked pretty interesting. I didn't know this method of passing the gennin exams was closed from commoner's input."

"And how would a civilian girl know how to use chakra? You really ought to be taken to the Hokage about becoming a ninja if you can. This village can use all the help it can take." Mizuki's voice snorted from above them in the trees. "In addition, the exam was something I made up to get Naruto to steal the scroll, which is forbidden."

Mizuki's face became visible. At that instant-

_"Oh Maybelline! Why can't you be true? Oh Maybelline! Why can't you be true?"_

Music was blasting all around them. The missing-nin wannabe looked arounmd frantically. "Where's that music coming from?!?"

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Sakura sweatdropped. "Isn't that a Beatles song?" Touka's friend Banshou had forced Sakura to listen to every Beatles song she had (which was almost every Beatles song _to_ be had), along with several other songs she thought Sakura should know.

"Touka has her own soundtrack!" Kuroko laughed.

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Touka smirked. The Beatles music was, in fact, something she had figured out. It was, you might say, her own genjutsu technique. And it was _so_ much more convinient than a CD player or even an iPod, because it wasn't something she had to carry around that she didn't usually. She stored all of her music in her brain. Touka had also found that concentrating chakra into her ears and head helped her remember things better, which was good because this world she was in was full of lots of good music, but she didn't know any of it because the artists and songs were all different.

"I said I enjoy playing with chakra, didn't I?" Touka's voice echoed all around the clearing, from every possible direction. "Genjutsu is a part of the things you can use for playing with it. Now, if you'll excuse me..." 

Touka dissappeared in a puff of smoke and was replaced with a pink stuffed rabbit.

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_"That's so cute!" _Sakura said. "I want one!"

"That's an Usa-chan. You can find one in any anime store that sells Ouran High Host Club merchandise," Kuroko informed her.

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"What was that?" Mizuku said, dumbfounded.

Iruka sweatdropped. "It was a genjutsu. Didn't you hear...?"

Naruto picked up the scroll (and the pink stuffed rabbit) and ran.

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Touka giggled, leaving the scene of Mizuki's revelation. Once she was a safe distance away...

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!" A second Touka appeared next to her. "Henge!"

The original Touka transformed into Sakura.

"This'll work," they told each other. "Let's go hit that party!"

Touka and 'Sakura' ran in the direction of Ino's house.

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"So that's what she was up to," Kuroko noted. "She's got two clones so both Sakura and Touka can be at some party."

Sakura sweatdropped. "That seems a little much just for a party. Couldn't she have just said one of them was sick?"

The rest of the episode played out like normal. Naruto used kage bunshin to extreme lengths, beat up Mizuki, got his headband, and got Iruka to promise to buy him ramen to celebrate. Everyone went home happy (except Mizuki, who went to jail).

Then, the 'next time on Naruto' showed up.

_'Who is that kid and why is he following me? HEY! Touka-chan, if you're going to insult my jutsu then why don't YOU try it?'_

The screen first showed Konohamaru stalking Naruto, but then it showed Touka hitting a sexy-jutsu'd Naruto over the head with a rolled-up magazine and shaking her head.

"She's going to mess with the oiroke no jutsu?" Kuroko laughed. "Maybe she'll make it yaoi..."

"That, I'd like to see," Sakura chuckled.

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"Naruto, you IDIOT!" Touka hit Naruto (the nekkid chick) over the head. "You can't practice jutsu in a place this public, someone will see them and copy them!"

Konohamaru stared at Touka. "I don't know who wyou are, but it's impossible to just copy someone's jutsu after only seeing it once!"

Touka rolled her eyes. "Oh, really? HENGE!"

And so, in the middle of a clooud of smoke, was a guy wearing only a pair of little grey boxers. His orange hair was long enough to braid and still hit his butt when he ran, nd his eyes were a mysterioous dark blue.

He grinned sexily at Naruto. "Well hello there."

Naruto felt his face heating up. _'What's going on? I'm a guy. I can't like guys!'_

And yet, both Naruto and Konohamaru both rocketed back from nosebleeds.

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"See? Sexy Jutsu, Yaoi addition," Kuroko chuckled.

"WOOHOO! You go girl!" Sakura said to Touka on the screen.

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The guy sneezed, poofed back into Touka. "See? If you've got the right tricks up your sleeve, you CAN copy people's jutsu in just one go."

_** Touka, how many times did you try that jutsu in front of the mirror? Pervert. **_

_'HEY! I always left the boxers on! And as long as he thinks this is the first time I've done this, it's okay!' _Touka sighed. "In addition, my friends, your usage is extremely weak. You poses are not arousing, they're cute like puppy dogs. The voice is pretty good, but you _really_ need to work on your expressions."

"It's MY jutsu, why should I listen to YOU to improve it?" Naruto yelled.

Touka rolled her eyes. "Because my rendition affected YOU, even though your actions of turning-into-a-nude-girl would make someone pretty sure you're straight, dearie. Also, because I'm probably more perverted than you." she nodded to herself. "The only bigger pervert than myself whom I've met is my friend Kuro-chan back home."

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"I'm no perv! Not when compared to_ her!_" Kuroko grolwed. "Tooooouuuukaaaaa!"

Sakura smirked at her. "Remind me, which of the two of you _doesn't_ like 'M' rated fics?"

"Touka-chan..." Kuroko mumbled. "That's Touka-chan."

"And who _likes_ to read them?"

"I do..." Kuroko admitted.

"Then who's the bigger pervert?" Sakura asked.

"The one who is almost constantly seen with a red face, the one who thinks about these things mroe often. That's got Touka-chan written all over it!" Kuroko said.

"... I'm supposed to pretend to be this person?" Sakura asked.

Kuroko's eyes widened. "Yep! Oh gosh, what if Touka finds out her body was emo?"

Both girls stared at each other, then burst out laughing.

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Touka smirked. "The usage a jutsu so sexy, it turns the straight ones gay and the gay ones straight! If you can make it a pretty boy then you're SET!" she pumped the air with her first.

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"She needs to get over her Haku obsession," Kuroko laughed.

"Oh, that's why she made the hair long?" Sakura asked.

The Sasuke-clone smirked and nodded. "Probably."

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Naruto sweatdropped. "I'd rather henge into a nude girl. No offense."

Touka shrugged. "And that's just fine! But seriously, your 'come hither' face needs work. And now, if you'll excuse me, I must now go torture someone else!" she giggled at this as skipped away.

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After Touka's interference, Konohamaru and Naruto paid special attention to their expressions.

Needless to say, when Ebisu showed up, he was put into the hospital for noseblood loss.

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"I'm here!" Touka said frantically, catching up to Ino, Hinata, and 'Sakura' the shadow clone.

"Toooouuukaaa! You're late!" Ino and 'Sakura' growled simultaneously.

Touka just giggled. "I ran into Naruto, so I had to correct something he'd messed up. My bad! Let's get shopping."

"Is that why we're meeting?" Hinata asked. "To go shopping?"

Touka grinned evilly. "No, Hinata," she chuckled. "We're giving _you_ a makeover."

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Me: Well, that's a wrap! Thanks for bothering to review, especially if the Sexy Jutsu content annoyed you.

Sakura: why didn't you just turn into Sasuke?

Inner Sakura: yeah! that would have more of an affect on Naruto.

Me: Because if I turned into Sasuke, I'd feel dirty for the rest of my life. Next time, on 'Dance of the Flower Petals! It's episode three, every yaoi-fangirls' favorite episode (except mine. I like the episode where HAKU WEARS PINK)! How will Touka screw THIS up? Also, the infamous bells test! What'll happen now? Only one way to find out. READ AND REVIEW!


	4. Bothering Sasuke

Me: WOOT! I ACTUALLY FINISHED A CHAPTER!

Sakura: NO! BAD GIRL! There's SasuNaru in here!

Kuroko: ...why is there a Kuro-chan in all of your fics?

Me: ...err... I DON'T OWN NARUTO!

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Naruto was sitting at his desk, explaining to some random guy that he had passed the test now and was a ninja, when two girls walked into the room.

_'Oh," _he thought. _'It's Ino and Sakura-chan. She sure has changed a lot over the past year...'_

Sakura (or, rather, Touka, in Sakura's body) skipped up to Naruto. "G'Morning Naruto!" she smiled warmly, then pushed passed him. "Good Morning, Sasuke-kun," she added, smiling_ not _warmly.

_'She used to like him, but now it's like she's mad at him... what did he do?' _ Naruto wondered.

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"Well, let's see, Sasuke's an evil betraying bastard who's only redeemed as seme to Naruto and Touka-chan knows it? _That _might have something to do with it," Sakura said sarcastically.

"Have you any idea how weird it is to hear Sakura, of all people, say that?" Kuroko asked.

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Before Naruto realized what was happening, he was crouching on the desk in front of Sasuke, a glaring match staring between the two boys. He felt something push his back, and then, all of a sudden, he was kissing Sasuke,

Kissing Sasuke.

Kissing. Sasuke.

_Kissing. _Sasuke.

Was that an Uchiha-generated _moan _he heard?

Oh well. Maybe if he just stayed here he could blame it on the force of that guy's push...

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"YESSSSS!" Sakura and Kuroko cheered, both hugging pillows.

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Sasuke was kissing Naruto.

_Kissing._ Naruto.

Kissing._ Naruto._

Why wasn't he stopping? Sasuke wondered to himself. '_Oh well... this feels kind of... nice.' _He moaned slightly.

Sasuke's internal monologue was cut short when a series of flashes blinded his eyes.

There was Haruno Sakura, holding up a pink digital camera.

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"YAY TOUKA!" Sakura cheered. "You GO, girl!!!"

"I want those pictures..." Kuroko said darkly. Both girls laughed like crazy.

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Touka smirked and put her camera (nicknamed the 'yaoi cam') in her kunai bag. She had gotten the famous 'SasuNaru Episode 3' kiss from 5 different angles and was, in fact, very pleased with herself.

Unfortunately, she had forgotten to turn the flash off, and so the two boys had noticed and broken apart... _gasping for air._

Touka's smirk became very evil. "Well well well, you're both gasping for air. Sasuke, have you been molesting Naruto behind my back? Because torturing small blonde people is MY job."

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"It's true," Kuroko said. "You know Chibisuke? The little blonde boy of our 'clan' I hug whenever I see? She used to help me do that." she grinned evilly. "We would squish him like there's no tomorrow. And she used to call him 'Chibi-Akachan'..." (chibi tiny, akachan baby, so chibi-akachan: tiny baby)

"Doesn't that make you like me and Ino-pig used to be, oh Sasuke-Fangirl-Hater?" Sakura pointed out, smirking triumphantly.

Kuroko shook her head. _"He_ grins when we do it. And Chibi-Akachan isn't emo," she pointed out, and Sakura nodded, giggling.

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Sasuke glared at the fangirl-turned-hater (or so he thinks... Touka never went fangirl for Sasuke). "What are you implying?"

'Sakura' shrugged. "You break apart from a kiss, and you're gasping for air. What am I _supposed_ to think?" she pointed out.

"Sh-she thinks you used your t-tongue," a quiet voice said above them. Sasuke turned to look at the offender: Hyuuga Hinata.

"When you k-kissed him," she added timidly.

The affects if The Makeover were evident: she had a light purple flower hairpin behind each ear and was wearing a white-and-purple coat much like the one she wears in Shippuuden. This was unzipped to reveal her dark purple fishnet shirt. All in all, she looked, as Touka had put it,"Like a doll! OMG Hina-chan you're adorable!" This had been followed by Hinata being added to Touka's mental 'hug on sight' list (which Touka only referred to when not looking like Sakura) and being hugged.

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"HINATA the yaoi fan?" Kuroko laughed.

"Apparently," Sakura agreed, giggling. "I don't think it's more surprising then my transformation into a yaoi fangirl."

Kuroko nodded. "Good point."

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"Oh, Hina-chan! G'Morning!" Touka cheered with a sudden change in additude. "Thanks for waiting for Touka yesterday! Even though Ino-pig was getting mad... hey, speaking of Ino, where'd she go?"

Ino was lying on the floor with swirls in her eyes. "They... kissed..." she mumbled to herself.

"Yeah, they did!" Touka agreed happily. "I took pictures and can now _blackmail_ them both!"

"That's... great..." Ino muttered, standing up woozily. "I'm... gonna go... sit down..." she walked up the stairs and sat next to Shikamaru with a loud 'THUNK.'

"How's it going?" Shikamaru said boredly. Ino glared at him.

"None of your business," she snapped.

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"Aww, they're so cute," Sakura said. "Naruto and Sasuke... as well as Ino and Shikamaru." she giggled.

Kuroko nodded. "Touka sees Shikamaru and Temari as a couple more than those two. But, yes, I agree with you on this point whole-heartedly."

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Teams were assigned, and they didn't change. Touka was stuck with the most popuar name in Naruto-related yaoi: Sasuke. As well as Naruto himself.

"Naruto, Sasuke, we should probably all eat together since we're a team," 'Sakura' said, "But I kinda already made plans. We can all eat together later, 'kay?" she skipped away. As soon as she was out of sight of the academy, she created a kage bunshin, and transformed that bunshin into Touka. This bunshin went to where Ino, Chouji, and Shikamaru were eating.

"CHOOOOOUUUUUJIIIII!" The Akimichi boy found himself hug-tackled. "You are SOOOOOOOOOO HUGGABLE!"

Chouji, having been subjected to this sort of abuse only too often since Touka showed up, only sweatdropped. "Hey, Touka-chan. chips?"

Touka nodded and took one from the bag. "I've got SUSHI!" she squealed, opening her bento box to reveal...

"Why's it all _eel_ sushi?" Ino asked.

Touka glared at her. "Unagi is superior to all other kinds of sushi! It is the Most Yummy!"

Chouji shrugged. "I like tamago sushi better..."

"To each their own," Touka said, shrugging. "Hey, look! Naruto's up to something."

_** Sneaking up on Sasuke's window like that. Is he gonna RAPE him...? **_

_'Well, we never know EXACTLY what happened... damnit I wish for the millionth time I was a Hyuuga so i could see what's going on in there!'_

Naruto jumped in through the window and closd the shutter after him. There were scuffling sounds.

"OMG Naru-chan's gonna get hurt!" Touka lied. The window opened and 'Sasuke' (or rather, Naruto, henge'd into Sasuke) jumped out.

"Naru-chaaan!" Touka ran to the place Naruto had just left, where Sasuke was all tied up (but she wasn't supposed to know that)

---- (Touka POV-- I know I haven't used POVs in this ficcy before, but work with me here)----

"Naru-chaaaaan? You in here?" I jump through the window and see Sasuke tied up and wriggling on the floor, and giggle.

"You're not Naru-chan!" I say, stating the obvious (I do this a lot). "And didn't you just leave?"

Sasuke wriggles faster, embarrassed to be caught in this position.

"Ohhhh. Was that a henge'd Naruto just now?" I say, as if I hadn't known that's what happened, before it happened.

The response I receive is a sigh.

"Here, I'll help you." I untie him and remove the gag (though I think I like him better when he can't talk) because even though he's an emo pissy bastard, I have to be nice to him for Naruto's sake. Plus, he's pretty strong mentally, I'll give him that-- if _my _brother was stronger than me and killed everybody, I'd be too buys hiding under the bed to think about revenge. Especially because my little brother's younger than me, so I've tortured him a lot.

In other words, he's a bastard but I have a helluva lot of good reasons to be nicer to him at least when I look like myself. When I'm Sakura... _heh._ She probably hates him if she's stuck as me anyway, because someone will have made her watch Naruto whether they know who she is or not. As Sakura, I can go all-out bitch on him.

"Who are you again?" he glares at me. "You're that annoying girl who's always hugging Naruto!"

I bow with a flourish. "Annoying? I try. Hugging Naru-chan? I do always do that! You're right!" I grin at him. "He's one of my close friends so I hug him when I see him. Because he needs love! And he's just adorable. AND HE'S SUPER HUGGABLE! Don't you think so?"

"Naruto, adorable? Well, yeah-NO." Sasuke replies quickly.

Hmmm. He's in denial. Or at least I'd like to think so._ SASUNARU WILL BE CANNON!_

_** Hell yeah! SHANNAROU! **_Is Inner Sakura's reply.

"We've met, but I don't think we've been introduced properly. My name is Yaezaki Touka. Uchiha Sasuke-san, correct?" I ask, untying him (and wondering if I should just yell to Ino that Sasuke's helpless right now. Nah... don't feel like it. Too lazy...).

Sasuke nods. "I don't like you," he adds.

I tilt my head to the side cutely (or at least I feel cute doing it. I'm not that cute but I enjoy thinking I am). "Because I hugged Naruto? Don't take it personally. I also hug Chouji-kun, Sakura's mom, Hina-chan, Moegi-chan, Lee-kun, Maito Gai, Tenten-sempai, Kei-chan-- wait. I haven't seen Kei-chan in over a year. But if I saw her again, I'd hug her too. All my other friends back home too..." By now I'm just talking to myself. "I'd like to see Otouto-chan and my family, but I probably wouldn't hug them except for maybe my mom."

"Let me get this straight..." Sasuke says, breaking through my monologue. I'd forgotten he was there. "You hug all of those people, but _not _your little brother?"

I shrug. "He's not huggable. Neither are either of my sisters. I don't hug those three very often."

---- (Sasuke POV) ----

I bet if her family all DIED like mine did, she'd regret not hugging them.

"So _Chouji's _huggable, but not your own flesh and blood?"

"Little siblings aren't huggable to me," the strange orange-haired girl says, shrugging. Her eyes widen. "No offense, Sasuke!"

--- (Sasuke Flashback)---

"Anikiiii..." I ask Itachi in whining tone. "Mother and Father are both on missions. Can I have a hug goodnight?"

Itachi turned to glare at his (foolish) little brother. "No."

----(End Flashback)---

"Sasukeeeee?" Touka's poking my arm. "You're spacing out." Then, her eyes widen and she starts talking really fast. Her face is blank, like she's remembering something very frightening but important, an she stares right past me to a random spot on the wall. _"Did-I-inspire-some-angsty-emo-flashback-that'll-make-me-hate-you-because-I-reminded-you-of-your-evil-gayass-fruitcake-brother-somehow?"_

I twitch. "Errr... nooooo..." _How does Touka know about my brother? She's supposed to be a civilian, they aren't informed on these sorts of things..._

She grins. "Oh, okay then. Anyway, I gotta go..." she disappears in a puff of smoke.

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--- (Naruto POV)---

'_Okay, so I've henge'd into Sasuke-teme. Now what?' _I spot Sakura-chan sitting by herself, eating a boxed lunch. She looks up and sees me.

"Oh, it's you," she says, coldly.

_'She used to be all over Sasuke. Why did she change? Not that I mind, of course.' _I walk over to her. "Can I sit?" I ask, keeping my voice flat like Sasuke's.

"I suppose you can- I'm not sure if you may," Sakura-chan sighs.

"What did I do, Sakura?" I make sure my voice is still mostly emotionless, but add a little pinch of hurt to it.

She looks confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You used... to... like me," I say, twitching at the irony of ME saying these things, henge or no henge. "A lot. But now... you don't. What happened, Sakura? Why?"

Sakura sighs again. "There's no point in my childish crush on you. It's fruitless for me to pursue you, anyway."

I raise my eyebrows. "Why is that?"

The pink-haired girl smirks. "Oh, come off it Sasuke, no use hiding it. All the girls in our class know you're gay."

"GAY?!?" I yell, momentarily forgetting I'm supposed to be Sasuke.

She nods. "It's pretty obvious, what with the way you look at Naruto in class _all day long. _And now he's on your team. That'll be fun..." Sakura giggles.

"Na-Naruto? That's riddikulus!" I say, thinking fast. Wait! While I'm here, I might as well mess things up for him... "Besides, Kiba is MUCH hotter!"

Sakura raises her eyebrows. "Is he?"

I nod fervently, unable to stop the smirk form rising to my face.

Ha ha. Sakura is a girl, and girls gossip. Everyone's gonna think Sasuke's gay for Kiba now.

"Whatever you say, Sasuke-kun, me and Touka-chan _both_ know you like Naruto."

"She KNOWS?!?" A voice yells behind me.

Oh. Crap. It's the real Sasuke, sitting in a tree. No, wait, he's fallen out now...

"Naruto, you can drop the henge," Sakura adds. "I knew who you really were before you even started talking to me."

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---- (Kuro-chan POV)---

"YES!!!" I yell, bringing both my arms up.

Kei , who's sitting between me and Sakura on the couch in front of the laptop we're watching Naruto on, hugs us both.

"Yaoi for-the-win!" the other two screech.

"Touka-sempai's on a roll!" Kei says. Sakura nods excitedly.

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---- (Touka POV)---

I sneeze. _'Wonder if someone's talking about me. It better not be Kiba!' _

Sasuke and Naruto stare at each other, mouths agape.

"Well..." I say, extremely conversationally. "This is indeed awkward! Touka-chan, come out from under there."

The kage bunshin I sent out as Touka crawls out from behind a bush.

"Naru-chaaan!" said bunshin lunges for Naruto, but I stop her.

"Later," I whisper loudly in her ear. "They're having an epiphany."

My clone nods. "Right... I'm gonna go get a yogurt." I really _love _yogurt. Ramen is to Naru-chan as yogurt is to Touka-chan. end of story.

The lucky bitch skips off, humming to herself...

Oh well. I'll remember eating it when I poof her out of existence. Also, I have live-action yaoi on my hands here, and that's a _helluva_ lot more important---

Naruto stares up at Sasuke.

"Sasuke-teme?" he asked quietly. "Is it true...?"

Sasuke looks away. Ooh, is that a tint of red in his cheeks? Aww... look, he's blushing!

"You really are an idiot," he says, almost warmly. It takes all my self-control to not squeal at this scene. They're so cute!

At this moment, the bell rings and we all run to get back to class on time.

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(Naruto POV)

_Where is our jounin sensei? We've been waiting here like three hours!!!_

_Sakura-chan is sitting in the back of the classroom, drawing something in a notebook, giggling to herself._

_Sasuke is sitting in a chair in the front of the classroom, staring at me with his arms crossed. What is he thinking? Sakura says he likes me, but in the past year Sakura's been teasing me a lot. It's like she's a whole other person. _

_Before she used to just yell and hit me, so it's an improvement, I guess._

(Sasuke POV)

_Damn that Sakura, and Touka alike. They think they can just assume I like Naruto? Hinata seems to be on this conspiracy too._

_Oh, well. If the girls all think I'm gay then that gives me less distractions form killing Itachi._

_...And Naruto is _kinda_ cute, in his way. _

(Touka POV)

'_The tension in this room is sooo thick, I could cut it with a knife.'_ The only sounds are the sounds of my pencil moving across my notebook and the soft hum of the air conditioner.

"DAMMIT-TEBAYO!" Naruto yells suddenly. "Where is that jounin bastard! He's kept me waiting for too long!"

"So find something to do, dobe," Sasuke replies, his glare never wavering from our favorite blonde uke. (In my mind, Sasuke tells Naruto exactly what he can do... why must I be such a perv?)

"Like you're on to talk," Naruto shoots back, "You've been staring at me for the whole time dattebayo! What the hell is your problem?"

"You're my problem!" Sasuke yells. I have to restrain myself from saying 'awwww' in a baby voice. If I did that, it'd wreck the moment...

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto yells, suddenly bringing me into the conversation. "Why in_ hell_ did you think this this guy liked me? He won't stop glaring."

"It's not that I _thought _he_ liked_ you, it's that I _know_ he _likes_ you," I say, smiling warmly. "And if he's been looking at you in any way for the past three hours, then that only proves my point _further_." I giggle fangirlishly.

(Sasuke POV)

_'Dammit she's annoying like this!'_ I think. _'I almost liked her better when she was a stalking fangirl! ... Okay maybe she's not _that _bad. But she's still pretty annoying.'_

"Remember," Sakura says, smirking, "I know _everything _about _everybody. _Well... okay, maybe not everything. But I still know a lot of things that you two losers don't."

Since she probably doesn't know anything about Itachi, I could care less.

(Naruto POV)

I stare at Sakura-chan, the turn my minds to other matters.

"Where is that jounin guy anyway? He's late dattebayo!"

Sasuke continues glaring at me.

"Get used to it," Sakura chuckles to herself, continuing to draw in her notebook.

Then, I spot the chalk eraser. "Well, since he's late, he deserves _punishment _dattebayo."

I put the eraser inside the sliding door and wait in anticipation.

"Any second now..." Sakura mumbles.

The door opens and lands on a guy's head. He's got whitish-greyish hair and a mask. His hitai-ate covers one eye and his expression in extremely bored.

Sakura and I both laugh.

The man sighs. "My first impression of you is... I hate you."

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(Sakura POV)

"Sensei! Sensei! I've walked all the way up the tree!" Kei calls from... in top of the tree in Kuro-chan's backyard.

"That's great," I say, "But why are you calling me sensei?"

Kei jumps down and grins. "Well, since you're teaching me, Kuro-sempai, and the others how to use chakra and stuff, that makes you our sensei!"

I sweatdrop. "Suuure..."

For only learning for a year, these people are learning pretty fast. Kuro-chan watched the Sasuke flashback episodes and figured out how to do the Katon: Goukyakuu no jutsu. Another member of the Otaku 'clan,' Kon-chan, is figuring out how to do a Rasengan.

Since not to many jutsu are taught in the series, there aren't that many that we can learn here. Dammit, I wish I'd been more studious back when I lived in Konoha. I mean, sure, I aced every test, but I don't know any jutsu past the academy basics and my taijutsu is almost the worst in the class (but not as bad as Naruto's).

Just for the record, I can now do Katon: Goukyakuu no jutsu and I've been taking karate with Touka's family (who know who I really am... Touka's brother is always bugging me about teaching him. Considering the way he beats on her littlest sister, I have a feeling that's a bad idea...). I want to learn healing techniques since I kick ass in Shippuuden, says everyone but Kuro-chan... she says I suck even in Shippuuden.

But I was trained all my life to be a ninja, so I can beat her pretty easily. Hehe...

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(Kakashi POV)

"Well," I said, "Why don't we start with introductions? State your name, things you like and don't like, your dreams, and hobbies."

The blonde brat speaks. "Why don't you start, Kakashi-sensei?" At this comment, the pink-brat smirks evilly.

I sigh inwardly and look up. "My name is Kakashi Hatake--"

"---He reads porn, he's always late, his sensei was the Fourth Hokage, he hides his face because his dad liked his friends, some people think he's gay with Iruka-sensei, and I'm not going to go _into_ how he got his eye that he hides," The pink-brat interrupts, green eyes twinkling. "I know_ everything,_ Kakashi-sensei. You can _not_ shock me."

I frown under my mask (but of course, no one can tell ). I would have introduced myself without telling them anything, but they already know so much from what she told them. And how in hell did she hear about me and Iruka? I thought we were doing a good job of keeping that secret...

"Well then, Miss Haruno, since you know so much, why don't you go first?" I say, slightly menacingly.

She just smiles and nods. "O-kay! My name's Haruno Sakura, and I don't like emo boys." She grins. "I like my yaoi and recording phrases or scenes that I find yaoi-esque in my notebook. I also like to draw... I don't have a dream, unless you count the fact that I wanna keep getting stronger. Oh! And someday I'd like to beat up Hyuuga Neji, because he's an ass."

Knowing Gai's students too well for my own good, I nod at this, because Neji _is _an ass, "Okay, Uchiha, you're up."

He glared at me over his folded hands. "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There aren't a lot of things I like, and there's a lot of things I don't. I don't have time for hobbies, because free time is time that should be spent training. And I wouldn't call it a dream, but I have an ambition: the restoration of my clan, and... to kill a certain man."

The pink-haired girl, Sakura, giggled at this as if it were an inside joke.

Before I could tell him to, the blonde brat started speaking loudly and hyperishly.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I'm gonna be the next Hokage dattebayo! I like ramen, training, and my friends. I don't like people who try to make fun of me--"

"We don't TRY, we SUCCEED," Sasuke interrupted.

Naruto glared at him. "-- And I don't like Sasuke either. My hobby is eating ramen and my dream is to be Hokage so everyone will recognize me dattebayo!"

Sakura giggled at this too.

"Sakura-chan? Why are you laughing at me and Sasuke dattebayo?"

Sakura smiled. "Nothing, nothing, just thinking of something Touka-chan was telling me this morning. An elaboration of an inside joke. You wouldn't get it. Something to do with a monkey and a weasel..." she started outwardly laughing and fell over.

I rolled my eyes mentally, then explained to them about the real gennin test. Sakura wasn't surprised.

There's something fishy about that girl.

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(Touka POV)

The morning of the infamous Bells Test, I eat breakfast. Then, I go to Naruto's house in 'Touka' form and force him to eat breakfast-- 'But Naru-chan, I made this ramen from scratch!'

I don't both to do this for Sasuke. Uchiha can starve for all I care.

Once me, Naruto, and Sasuke meet at the training grounds, Sasuke looks miserable. I'd feel guilty if it weren't for the fact that he ran into 'Touka' earlier today and cussed me out. Feh. 'Stay away from Naruto' indeed.

Speaking of adorable people, isn't the Wave Arc pretty soon? Heheh. Haaakuuuu...

Oh crap. I'm OBSESSED with Haku.

How am I gonna stop myself from death-glomping him?

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Sakura: Wha--? Haku? NO! You should like Sasuke!

Me: (smirk) Well, Haku is manlier than Sasuke.

Sasuke: Shashuko, I hate you.

Me: Is that Naruto over there?

Sasuke: WHERE?!? (runs away)


	5. Scream! Toukachan's Original Jutsu!

Me: ... WOW everyone lurves me! thank you all so much for the reviews I'll try my best to follow you guys' requests!

Sasori: ARE YOU CRAZY?!?

Me: Ignore him. He just doesn't want me to write to the point where he shows up...

Deidara: She's right, un. Wait'll you see what she does to my Danna... smirk

Me: ...Anyway, thankies for teh reviews! I still don't own Naruto.

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(Touka POV)

Silence reigns after everyone shows up. I content myself with drawing Sasuke's miserable, hungry expression from several different angles.

Naruto looks over my shoulder. "I thought you were over him..." he whines.

"I am," I tell him. "His duck-ass hair is still fun to draw, though. Besides, look at his PAIN! I wanna remember that forever..." I throw in a satisfied smile and sigh of content for good measure, leaving the eavesdropping Sasuke more than a little freaked out.

"Why don't you draw meeeee?" Naruto whines.

"Because you're hard to draw," I say flatly. And it's true. I can never gets his hair-spikes right.

"I try occasionally, though," I add brightly. This cheers him up a little.

Silence regains its reign over the training ground. I'm pretty sure that, in the original story, Sasuke was avoiding Sakura who was avoiding Naruto, but I'm not chasing Sasuke or avoiding Naruto, so that's not gonna happen.

Dammit... when is Kakashi-sensei gonna show up?

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(Kuro-chan POV)

"Say it," I threaten, though I am smirking considerably. "The gap between us has not shortened..."

Sakura glares for the threshold of her defeat (she's henge'd into herself again). "Your DDR skills are best..." she sighs. "I will never defeat you... and my hair color defies the laws of nature."

"Thank you," I say. "Play again?"

"Nah," Sakura laughs, "Let's go see what my 'replacement' did to Kakashi's bell test."

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(Naruto POV)

"Yo!" There's a poof of smoke, and Kakashi-sensei stands before us. FINALLY!

"What-the-HELL-ttebayou!" I yell. "You're late!"

"He's Kakashi," Sakura sighs, putting her sketchbook into her cherry-red backpack. "He's ALWAYS late."

Kakashi-sensei, that bastard, starts explaining the test. Pretty much, the thing I should do is give one to Sakura-chan and one to myself, then kiss Sasuke's butt goodbye.

Eventually, I get tired if listening to his long, winded explanation, and charge anyway. Kakashi-sensei grabs me, then he says a whole lot of stuff that doesn't matter, puts me down and starts the time.

Sakura grabs both me and Sasuke and pulls us behind a tree.

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(Sasuke POV)

_'If she's going to try and make me kiss Naruto again, she's dead,'_ is the first thought that runs through my mind. '_Well, maybe I wouldn't mind SO much, but I do have a reputation to uphold.'_

"This test is a trick question," Sakura sighs, "One of my friends told me about these Gennin Tests-- we're supposed to work _together. _Don't believe me?" She raised her eyebrows. "I did some studying last night, and Kakashi-sensei was on ANBU at one point. Why would they tell three gennin to try to take on an ANBU _by themselves?_"

"But there's only two bells!" Naruto says loudly.

Sakura nods. "He only put two bells to break us up even more."

I don't like Sakura much, but she had the highest scores on tests, and lately seems to know everything about everybody (So does Touka. In fact, I bet it was Touka who told her about the bells test).

"Okay," I state, "Naruto, Sakura, you cause a distraction of some sort. I'll get the bells while he's kicking your asses."

Sakura smirks and pulls a piece of paper out from behind her pocket.

"Exactly. Kakashi is a known pervert, so, Naruto will sneak up and do the Sexy no Jutsu, thus distracting him. Don't use your usual form, because he'll be able to recognize you. Use Konohamaru's version or something. Also, keep the conveniently smoke to a minimum."

Naruto grins and nods appreciatively.

"While this is going on, I'm going charge him and engage him in taijutsu. Since I fail at taijutsu so bad my dead grandmother can feel it, he's going to launch into a long and annoying monologue about how I should know taijutsu since it's the second part of being a ninja or something else retarded, like my unnatural hair color..."

Sakura turns to me and grins cheekily. "You're going to throw a kunai or shuriken at Kakashi's butt and pin the bells to the tree. Once you've obtained the bells, give one to me and one to Naruto... on second thought, keep the second one so you can eat lunch. The 'no bells, no lunch' part was completely truthful."

"No lunch for me?" Naruto whines. "But... but Sakura-chan!"

"Don't worry, Naruto, if you don't get any lunch we'll feed you ourselves."

_So, if I do this I get to hand-feed Naruto? _

"I'm in," I announce.

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---- One Hour Later----

(Naruto POV)

I was tied to a pole.

"--- Good teamwork, you two, but Naruto didn't get a bell. That's why he's tied up," Kakashi finished. "Now, I'm gonna leave awhile. _Don't feed Naruto!_"

Team Seven's sensei disappeared in a puff of white smoke...

Sakura opened her lunchbox and shoved food into my mouth. "You're no good to us hungry," she chuckled.

Sasuke pushed her out of my way. "Sakura, you're gonna suffocate him. You have to feed him like this..."

Sasuke put some food on his chopsticks and gently pushed it into my mouth.

Sakura pulled out her camera and took a picture.

"I hate you," Sasuke told Sakura, glaring... but he still kept feeding me.

Kakashi randomly reappeared.

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!?" Thunder and lightening appeared behind him.

Sakura, who was making a hand sign, just stuck her tongue out.

"He's no good to us hungry," she said. "Those who disobey the rules are called trash, but those who abandon their friends are worse than trash. Right?"

Kakashi's eyes widened. "You... all... PASS!"

He gave a thumbs-up, and the stormy background around him turned to a bunch of yellow daises.

Kakashi glared at Sakura. "And quit the annoying genjutsu. This is real life, not anime."

Sakura giggled, nodded, and undid her hand seal. The background disappeared.

--- Two Hours Later---

"So that's how you passed!" Touka giggled. "Good job, Naru-chan! Sakura too, I guess."

"Hey!" Sakura yelled. "I did the whole plan last night when I could've been sleeping!"

"And you ate breakfast," Touka pointed out, "Which you weren't supposed to do."

"My sensei is KAKASHI, he's always late!" Sakura pointed out, giggling.

Touka shrugged. "Stereotypically speaking, sure. But no stereotype is always followed."

She winked at me. "Where someone was born, who they were born to, or whatever was sealed into them immediately after doesn't necessarily affect their personality, right, Naru-chan?"

That's right, she knows about the Kyuubi. She didn't seem to be surprised, though, and it doesn't seem to affect her ('when you look at your birthday, Naru-chan, it's kind of a given, and what should some old fox have to with your adorable-ness?').

Sakura looks at Touka, confused, then shrugs and walks away. "I'm gonna get a yogurt."

Touka runs after. "Wait for meeeeee!"

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(Touka POV)

"We're closing in on the target, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto murmurs into the radio around his neck and ear.

"Good," Kakashi's voice says. "Are you sure it's him?"

I sigh and roll my eyes. "Oh for the love of-- it's just a damn cat!"

I walk into the clearing where the orange cat, Tora, is, and pull a fish out of my kunai bag, along with some catnip. It flings itself into my arms, and I tense, remember how much it scratched Naruto in the original series, but it's calm.

"Goooood Tora. Good kitty." I scratch him (Tora, not Naruto) behind the ears. "Let's go."

Naruto and Sasuke stare at me, dumbfounded.

"You mean we don't have to ounce on it and get rabies?" Naruto asked. "KAKASHI-SENSEI! YOU COULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT!!!"

Kakashi says nothing into our radio.

"Wow," I say, "The kitty likes me. That comes as a shock... most animals (and babies) don't." I stroke Tora's fur. "Why don't you leave that scary Daimyo lady and come live with me?" I joke.

"C'mon, let's get that damn cat home," Sasuke said. "I need to train."

_**Sasuke needs to realize there's more to life than ending his brother's,**_Inner Sakura notes. I agreed readily.

"Oh, my _baby!_" The daimyo's wife squeals. "_Dear widdle Tora-chan, I missed you so!_ Why do you run away?"

Tora, who looks like he's being suffocated by her hug, struggles to get away in vain.

"Maybe you could be a little more gentle?" I suggest. "I mean, hugs are great, but if you hug too hard it's hard to breathe." As if to say 'hell yes,' Tora escapes the daimyo's wife's arms and run over to me. I scratch him behind the ears.

The fat old woman glares at me. "Why? Does my Tora like you better?"

"I never said that!" I say quickly. "Obviously, he's just thanking me for bringing him back to his Mommy." I pick up the orange (way-cuter-in-real-life-than-in-the-anime) kitty and gently place him in his owner's arms. She doesn't squeeze as hard now and strokes him gently. He purrs. I emit a muffled 'awwww' sound.

"DAMMIT, WHY ARE WE STUCK WITH ALL THE SUCKIEST MISSIONS!" Naruto went into his argument with Iruka, Kakashi, and the Third Hokage about mission and their ranks, or whatever, but I'm too lazy to repeat the whole thing (I was playing with Tora the whole time anyway).

Eventually, as you all know, we get assigned to guard Tazuna the bridge builder (it takes all my control to _not_ start singing Simon and Garfunkel's 'Bridge over Troubled Water').

"They're all a bunch of Super Brats! They look like they can't help me-- especially the shortest one with an ugly face," Tazuna says drunkenly.

Naruto laughs. "The short one with the ugly face? Which one is that?"

He looks at me, then he looks at Sasuke.

Then, Naruto turns to Tazuna. "YOU-!!!"

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(Sasuke POV)

"Sakura, STOP HUMMING," I say for the fifteenth time.

Sakura grins cheekily. "Can I sing then?"

"NO."

Sakura's response is to turn to Naruto. "I think Touka might have taught you this one Naruto--- '_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves!"_

Naruto starts singing along. _"I know a song that get on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes!" _

The whole thing starts over, and, to my horror, Tazuna and Kakashi-sensei both started to sing along.

Is the world out to get me or is this just bad karma? I haven't done anything wrong!

"Oi, Sasuke-teme!" Naruto calls. "Sing with us!"

I glare at him... "No."

"Why not?" Sakura whines. "It's more fun when everyone sings!"

I turn my glare to Sakura. "Because it's stupid!"

Sakura beams and nods excitedly. "That's what makes it fun! C'mon, just one try?"

Naruto's eyes get big and shiny. "Pleeeeeaaaaase, Sasuke?"

Something in those eyes makes me agree. I take a deep breath...

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves!" I feel extremely childish.

"Everybody's nerves!" But, at the same time, I feel... funny.

"Everybody's nerves!" It's a strange, light feeling and I can't help but smile. _Me. Smiling._

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and THIS IS HOW IT GOES!" It's like my heart is actually in my ribcage, _instead_ of my stomach where it usually feels like it is.

I think I'm... happy... naw. I'm never happy.

Naruto stares at me blankly...

And grins. "Wow, Sasuke, you sing better than I expected!"

Sakura nods excitedly. "You see? It's not so bad. _All together now!_"

All five of us (Me, Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, and Tazuna) take deep breath and start singing again. After awhile, Sakura hold up a hand and starts singing 'The Song That Never Ends,' which is even more fun somehow.

_Did I just think the word fun?_

... No. I never have fun. I'm only joining in because it's so stupid and so I can laugh at Naruto on the inside. IN FACT! The best part of this is Naruto's expression. He's got his eyes closed and his mouth wide open. So stupid, you can't help staring.

It was staring at this person that made me step in that puddle. I wasn't looking where I was going...

Wait. A puddle, on a clear day? That's odd...

Two oddly-clothed Mist ninja pop out of the puddle and attacked us. One almost immediately slashed up Kakashi-sensei, and the other headed straight for Sakura, who took a deep breath and made the hand-sign for the Katon: Goukyakyu no Jutsu. However, instead of omitting a fireball, she let out a Scream.

But not a just _any_ scream. This was an earth-shaking, brain-killing, eardrum-shattering_ Scream. _Hearing this _Scream_ gave me the worst pain I have ever gotten to my head in my entire life, which, considering the fact that Itachi used Mangekyou Sharingan on me, is saying something.

Something popped in my ears and everything went black.

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(Touka POV)

"DAMMIT," I cursed. "I was saving that attack for the Chuunin Exams..."

Really. I was. So I could show that Dosu how it's done...

I dragged everyone to the side of the road, and tied Zabuza's man-slaves to a tree.

Then, I removed all their weapons and refilled their weapon-carrying places with peaches I had brought in my backpack exactly for this purpose. In their hands, I placed a note that said, in fancy handwriting, "The Peachy Girl Says Hi." (Peachy Girl is my screen name on most sites, and 'Touka' means 'peach blossom' so that seem to fit.)

Next, I poured the contents of my water bottle onto everyone who wasn't awake or tied to a tree, and we set off again.

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(Kuroko POV)

I remember going to bed late that night. I'd stayed up late sparring Kon-chan in taijutsu (by the way, I won). Once I got home, I did my homework and some studying-- I'm trying to get into one the higher middle school in this town (which I and Kon will be able to enter, but Touka probably wouldn't be able to).

Anyway, after I fell asleep around 1:00 AM, I fell into a strange dream.

_I was in a grassy field that stretched as far as the eye could see. There was someone staring across from me._

_Her hair was black and short, and she was wearing simple light purple pajamas._

_"S-Sasuke-s-san?!?" Her widened eyes were white and glazed over like a blind person's._

_"Hyuuga... Hinata," I whispered, shocked._

_"Kukukuku. I'm going to perform a test on you two girls,"__ said a voice that was everywhere and nowhere all at once._

_The half the field that I was standing on turned dark, and the half that Hinata was standing on turn bright white. _

_The darkness flew towards Hinata, and the light all flew to me..._

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Me: EVIL CLIFFY! Kekeke...

Kuro-chan: HELL YES! FINALLY!

Sasuke: why does everyone say you look like me? we're nothing alike.

Kuro-chan: ...Wow, you're right.

Itachi: She's more like me.

Sasuke: ITACHIIIII! I WILL KEEEEL YOOOUUUU!

Itachi: SHASHUKO-THE-PAISLEY-MAIDEN-OWNS-NO-NARUTO! (runs from psycho brother)


	6. The Peachy Girl

Me: I'm actually writing!!! Wish meh luck...

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(Zabuza POV)

"So, let me get this straight..." I sighed, all the while GLARING EVILLY at my henchmen, the Demon Brothers. I wasn't particularly mad at them, but I like messing with 'em (it's fun). "You were defeated my a screaming little girl, and took away all your weapons and replaced them with_ fruit?_"

"Delicious fruit," Haku pointed out, biting into his third peach. "These are pretty good." (peaches! peaches for me! all these peaches! peaches for free! peaches come in a can, they were put there by a man, in a factory downtown...)

I stared at him. "If they're only _pretty _good, then why are you hoarding them all?"

"I'm sorry, Zabuza-san!" Haku said, shocked. "Would you like some?" He offered me one of the peaches, all of which he had put in a (very large) basket.

"Good kid," I say, taking the peach. "Wow, these _are_ good." I turn to the Demon Brothers. "This Peachy Girl of yours has good taste. Find out what she's up to. She obviously had some sort of reason to give these to us. She may want to strike up a deal of some sort."

The Demon Brothers nodded, then left. A moment later, Gatou walked in.

"WHY ISN'T HE DEAD?!?" He yelled, spit flying out of his mouth and hitting the peach Haku was chewing. Haku glared, used a mild Suiton (water element) jutsu to wash the fruit off, and continued eating, but he didn't stop glaring at Gatou until after he left.

At this point, I'm going to have to go after Tazuna myself.

... I'm going to bring earplugs. The Peachy Girl cannot be trusted.

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(Touka POV)

"Almost there," Tazuna remarks, "When we get to my house we can get something to eat."

"Oh, good," Kakashi says. "Someone stole my portion of breakfast."

Teehee.

No one talks for awhile, until Sasuke speaks up and asks if we can sing The Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves.

Ohhh crap. What if we miss the rustling and the white bunny? And Zabuza kills us all? And I die before getting to meet Haku?

"Sasuke, we are now in Wave, and therefore closer to Gatou's headquarters," I say, after thinking a moment. "We need to be a little more alert than back there... sorry." Grinning apologetically, I add, "But I've heard that Touka knows two other songs like that, so I'll get her to teach them to you later, okay?"

Sasuke grunts and nods.

'_**Does is strike anyone else as odd that a Narutard be found walking around with Team Seven during the Wave Arc, wondering what the hell she's going to do once she runs into her all-time favorite bishie?'**_ Inner Sakura remarks dryly.

_'Heheh. Hakuuuuu...' _Is my reply. _'... Wait. Haku! Oh no! What'll I do, what'll I say, how can I stop myself from going ALL-OUT FANGIRL on him? I mean, if i was in Touka form, that would pass off as normal, but Sakura's supposed to be more calm and collected!'_

_**'Well...' **_ Inner Sakura sighs. _**'I have no idea.'**_

Rustling sounds come form the bushes.

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(Haku's POV)

(WOOOOOOOT!)

I wince as the blonde member of Tazuna's protection squad almost kills my the white bunny that Zabuza's been using for substitution jutsu (which is more than abnormal, but explains accidental rustling noises much, much better than logs).

Blondie starts an argument with the guy whose hair looks like the back end of a duck, and their jounin teacher does nothing. In fact, he takes out a suspiciously familiar orange book (no, I've never read it, but I know that zabuza always keeps a copy of that book in his pants pocket) and starts reading. The pink hired girl picks up the bunny and starts petting it nervously.

This must be the Peachy Girl.

I'm half tempted to go down there right now and demand to know where she bought, stole, or traded for THOSE PEACHES, but I stay hidden and content myself with a flask of the juice I pressed from some of them. (No sugar added-- they don't need it.)

Zabuza-san then does that slightly cool, but completely useless, thing where he appears out of nowhere, standing on his sword, in a tree, facing away from his opponents.

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(Touka POV)

When Zabuza appears, I subconsciously start stroking the un-seasoningly white bunny faster.

_'This is it,' _I marvel. _'I've spent the past year practicing control over myself to stop having Moments of Fangirl at this very moment. Here comes Haku!' _I suppress a smile very badly, but hide it quickly with a frown which is not just an act. _'I am soooo, NOT ready for this.'_

He goes into a rant about how he's 'The Demon of the Mist' and how he's 'Going To Kill Us All' when the correct replies happen to be 'Only Right Before You Die' and 'Quite The Opposite, Actually.'

After awhile, I get sick of this, so I throw some shuriken at him, and he dodges them quite easily.

Kakashi orders us to 'protect old guy' and we surround him in a triangle formation.

The amount of killer intent in the air makes Naruto and Sasuke freeze, but am relatively, relaxed. If I just stay still, I'll survive in the same way that Sakura did.

Sasuke, in particular, is scared...

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(Sasuke POV)

_'This killer intent... so... strong... I might as well just...' _I pointed my kunai at my throat.

"Oi, Sasuke!" Sakura yelled from beside me. "I know you only wear those baggy things on your arms to cover up where you slit your wrists, but now is not the time for suicide. Besides, if Kakashi loses another teammate on a mission, he'll start to look bad." She smirked.

I glared at her, in spite of myself.

"Don't worry," Kakashi said, smiling, "I won't let my comrades die."

His one eye glared at Sakura-- "You know too much," and he lifted up his hitai-ate to reveal his second eye...

His sharingan eye.

"I told you, you can't shock me," Touka explained cheekily. "You think I don't know what that is or how you got it?"

Kakashi glared at her again, then said, "I'm not using it on you, I'm using it on Zabuza." He glared at Zabuza.

"You will die this day," Kakashi said.

Zabuza and Kakashi started fighting using qater clones and such, but I wasn't really watching.

"How in hell did that guy get the sharingan?" I murmured to myself.

Sakura giggled. "I know something you don't know!" she sang, sticking out her tongue.

"So tell us, Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed loudly. Sakura shrugged.

"Not my story to tell," she teased. "Ask Kakashi-sensei later." she started looking around through the trees.

"I wonder..." she muttered, almost inaudibly (so Naruto probably didn't hear it at all).

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(Haku POV)

_So, the Peachy Girl's name is Sakura? Makes me wonder where she thought of a title like 'Peachy Girl.' _

_Oh well,_ I think to myself, _She's still the one who got those peaches... I must find out where!_

Zabuza-san traps Kakashi in a water prison. The two boys on the team start attacking him (or rather, a water clone of his) but Sakura, the Peachy Girl, doesn't seem to mind terribly much. She's looking through the trees for something.

The trees in my area... Oh, dear. That can't be good. I press myself to the tree and hope she doesn't notice my presence, which she doesn't seem to until she gasps and takes a few steps back, closer to the old man.

She doesn't tell anyone where I am, though, for some reason.

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(Naruto POV)

Then, I used my awesome plan and snuck up behind Zabuza to free Kakashi-sensei! It was awesome.

Kakashi and Zabuza started fighting faster than before, doing the same things at the same time.

"Wow... so that's what sharingan does!" I say in awe.

Sakura laughs. "Actually, Naruto, it does a hell of a lot more than that. But, to reach that sort of power, you have to kill someone."

"Who do you have to kill?" I asked curiously, casting a glance at Sasuke.

Sakura's face became infinitely creepy-- shadows under the eyes and everything. "You have to kill..." she put her face back to normal. "Ask Sasuke, he's an Uchiha. He should know more about this than me..." she smirked.

Sasuke glared at her, his face the picture of rage. "Do not make light the methods of the Uchiha clan!"

"With an attitude like that, I can't help it," Sakura giggled. "You Uchiha need to learn that killing people is _wrong _and is not worth whatever power or protection it gives you."

This conversation resulted in a staring contest, which Sasuke somehow won even though he was a bastard.

So we almost missed it when Kakashi he Zabuza against the tree.

(Kakashi POV)

My students weren't watching at all, were they? If Zabuza had killed them, it would have been their own fault.

"How do you do it?" Zabuza gasped. "Does your eye know the future?"

Let him think what he wants! I nodded, "Your future is death."

"But, Kakashi-sensei, _everyone's_ future is death!" Sakura pointed out (apparently she was paying more attention than I gave her credit for). "Those who try for immortality eventually get their butt whooped and their head on a platter."

I rolled my eyes, then raised my kunai to kill Zabuza---

Three senbon hit him in the back of the neck.

"Thank you for incapacitating him," noted a soft voice behind me. "I've been hunting this one for far too long a time."

It was a young-- boy? girl? Person in a Mist Village hunter-nin mask.

(Touka POV)

If you thought Haku's voice was awesome hearing it one your TV or computer (heheh Youtube), then you should hear it in real life...

I think I melted into a puddle at some point that day because of this exact point in time. I've been a Haku fangirl since around the time I read book three/watched episode 12 (PINK DRESS), which is almost two years now, sooo...

I had no control over this situation. I looked up at him (in his pwnsome hunter-nin mask of Win) and squeaked:

"HAKU!"

The result of this action was simple: Haku pinned me to a tree by my shirtsleeves and pants legs, then walked up and held a kunai to me neck.

"How do you know my name?"

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Me: HAHA evil cliffy! Sorry, I couldn't resist ending here... it's only seven pages long! I usually don't post a chapter until it's at least ten pages long...

Kuro: hey, at least you're updating.

Me: True, that. REVIEW, MY READERS! The reviews show your love and convince me to write faster--- also, it really doesn't take that long to write them. Pleeeaaaase?


	7. Surprise, Hinata!

Me: ... heheh I left thee with a cliffy there, didn't I?

Kuro: hey, what about me? something weird happened to me back in the end of chappy 5...

me: I'm on it!

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(Touka POV, bitches)

"How do you know my name?" Haku asks, kunai pressing against my neck.

If this were a fanfiction, this'd be a pretty evil place to leave a cliffhanger. I mean, come on! Haku is my favorite character in Naruto period, the anime guy I've had a crush on the longest. I SEWED A FREAKING DOLL OF HIM BEFORE I SWITCHED! (not that it's very good. it's a pretty ugly doll. but I still sleep with it, so I think that helps start to describe the Amount of Fangirl I have over this guy.)

"Umm..." my mind races. I hadn't exactly been planning on losing control like I did and squealing the object of my obsession's name, so I had no idea what to do...

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(Kiba POV)

Where were Shino, Hinata and Kurenai-sensei? They were ten minutes late...

I was beginning to wonder if they were with Kakashi somewhere when Neji came running up.

"KIBA!" He yelled. "Something's gone terribly wrong with Hinata-sama!"

"W-what?" I stuttered intelligently.

Neji grabbed my elbow and dragged me all the way to the Hyuuga complex, which was on the other side of town (he very nearly wrenched my arm out of its socket).

Hinata was in her bed, still in her pajamas, looking extremely angry.

"I told you I'm not Hinata!" She yelled as we came in.

Neji rolled his eyes. "Okay, I believe you. You're not Hinata-sama." I could tell by his tone that Neji did not, in fact, believe Hinata in the slightest. "Who are you, then?"

"Oumagatoki Kuroko," she said flatly. "My body's been switched with Hinata. I originally live in a world where you're all anime characters. Questions?"

I stared at her a long time. "Really?"

'Kuroko' gave me a glare that could have Morino Ibiki shaking in his boots. "Really."

Shino appeared in a poof of bugs (a/n: eww). "Either she's really who she says she is, or the pressure of being in the Main House has driven Hinata insane."

I gasped. There was something seriously wrong with my teammate! "We should take her to get help immediately."

Hinata stood up. "You're taking me to the hospital?" She glared again, and I trembled involuntarily.

"Y-yes...?"

"GUESS AGAIN, BITCH!" Hinata started forming hand seals. "Katon: Goukyakyu no Jutsu!"

She took a deep breath and... no fire came out.

"What?!?" the girl formed the hand-seals again. "Katon: Goukyakyu no Jutsu!"

Still, no fire.

"She really does think she's someone else," Neji said, shocked. "Hinata-sama has a water chakra signature..."

'Kuroko' smirked. "That because I'm not Hinata. But, I am in her body... let's see what happens when I focus my chakra too my eyes. BYAKUGAN!"

Her eyes widened and Byakugan activated...

"AHHH!" she yelled. "How do I turn it off... that's more than I need to see!" She covered her eyes. "Eww... Nothing helps!"

Maybe she isn't Hinata. Hinata would never freak out over her Byakugan.

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(Haku POV)

"Well?" I asked, pressing the kunai tighter, making a thin cut on her neck. "How do you know my name?"

"Umm..." her voice is frantic. "I read the bingo book?"

"Hunter-nin don't get put in the bingo book, Sakura," her jounin sensei sad tiredly. "Just tell him how you know his name so we can all go to Tazuna's house and eat something." His stomache grumbled and the Peachy Girl giggled slightly.

She looked down and said, "I can foresee the future."

"The way you're hiding your face, and your tone of voice, imply that you're lying," Kakashi said boredly.

Peachy Girl chuckled. "I used to say that to Yuki-chan all the time..." she mumbled, almost sadly.

"Speak up, Sakura," her jounin sensei yawned. "I can't hear you."

Sakura looked up and glared at him. "Hey, if you were in my situation you'd have lost control long before I did."

"Your situation being...?"

The Peachy Girl smiled sadly. "Those books you read, Kakashi-sensei. Would you say that Icha-Icha Paradise is your favorite series?"

Kakashi nodded hesitantly. "Yes..."

"Well..." She slowly brought her head up to look Kakashi in the eye (he had covered up his sharingan again). "If you were stuck in that story..."

Kakashi, form what I could see of his face, looked confused. "Go on..."

Peachy Girl straightened. "In the body of one of the characters..."

Kakashi acquired a perverted expression (maybe she shouldn't have picked Icha Icha Paradise as an example).

"A character you didn't think was all that great... a little more than a year before the story starts... how long would you last before you screwed the story up?"

Kakashi tilted his head to the side. "... With all the hot girls in Icha icha? ... Not long."

Sakura smirked. "_Exactly. _I lasted about a month fully acting out the part of Sakura, but soon I got sick of crushing on Sasuke, who I find ever so slightly disgusting. After that... I started to alter her character, slowly. First, I let her have a whole 'Grand Realization of Sasuke's Jerkiness,' then I got rid of the fangirl moments..."

"Considering the situation you're in now, I think the fangirl moments have all stopped," The duck-tail-headed boy said sarcastically.

The Peachy Girl's response was to give him a _look _that made me wonder if she had several annoying younger siblings at home to practice it on. "Shut up, emo kid. I'm not done."

"Wait..." Kakashi said. "You're someone else stuck in Sakura's body and wherever you come from we're all a story?"

"Not just a story. One of my favorites."

"Then what's your name really?" Blondie asked.

"Where are you from?" Asked duck-tailed-boy.

Sakura (or whatever her real name was) giggled. "It's a face you know well... you're correct, Sasuke, I have little control over my Fangirl Moments unless I let them out, which I haven't been able to do while on this mission, because that would look weird. Hence the hottie pinning me to a tree. Usually, when I let my Fangirlness out, I henge into what I really look like."

"A face we know well?" Blondie asked confused.

'Sakura' grinned. "Here's a hint... she's loud and rude... she sings a lot... and my real name has something to do with peaches."

"Peaches? I don't know anyone like that..."

So that's where the title 'Peachy Girl' came from... hey wait! She called me a hottie? ... And she hasn't even seen my face... obviously, my face is shown in the series. So it's either a TV show, a movie, a manga, or an anime.

_... I'm pinning a girl who finds me hot to a tree._

This is_ awkward._

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(Hinata POV)

"So... all our lives... is just an anime? So anything I do doesn't matter?" My mind was in a whirl. Sakura was Touka, Touka was Sakura, I was in someone else's body and they were in mine.

"Yes," Sakura laughed. She was henge'd into herself to take away from the confusion (which helped a little, but not by much).

"Oh..." I whisper. "...I still don't get it."

"That's okay," Sakura said, "Especially since Kuro-chan's brothers both don't live in Kuro-chan's house-- they live... I don't know where they live." She furrowed her brow. "I know they exist, but I've never seen them." Sakura laughed.

"Oh, yeah," Sakura added, "You have asthma. Don't push yourself."

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(Kuroko POV)

"Okay, we believe you," Kiba said. "... Why are you smiling."

"Hinata doesn't have my condition," I realized. "I CAN RUN FOR AS LONG AS I WANT AND NOT STOP BECAUSE OF ANNOYING WHEEZING!"

I dashed off and started running laps around Konoha.

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(Naruto POV)

"I still don't get it!" I point out. "Who _are _you?"

"You don't recognize me, _Naru-chan?_" Sakura-chan's... err... the girl in Sakura-chan's body's... voice took on a light, happy tone, "And I thought we were friends..."

"Wait, give me a minute, you're starting to seem familiar," Sasuke said, glaring.

"Haku-kun, ---eep, sorry, didn't mean ta call you that!-- would you please let me go? I promise not to leave... I needs to jog this guy's memory."

"No," Haku said, though he was shaking slightly. "I still need to know one thing."

"Neeee? What is it, Haku, what is it?" The girl asked excitedly. "I promise to tell you! ... As long as it's not about math. 'Cuz I _suck _at math. I'm in the advanced class, but I'm at the bottom of it."

He leaned forward and whispered something in her ear (her face went all red).

(Touka POV)

"Where did you get _Those Peaches?_" Haku asked quietly. "I need to know..."

I somehow managed not to melt on the spot (but I was, on the inside). "Konoha, the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Why?"

"Where in Konoha?" he pressed. "I need to know."

"Ahhh..." This is embarrassing. This situation, I definitely did not plan for. "I grew them."

"You did?" he was skeptical. "How?"

"I infused my chakra with the tree to speed its growth. It also makes the peaches bigger and less likely to be bug-infested. And not that I don't enjoy being pressed to a tree by a pointy object, but Zabuza's probably gonna wake up soon, so you should go."

"...You have a point there," Haku said. Then, he stopped using the kunai to pressure my neck and backed away. He took hold of Zabuza's (not really dead) body and teleported (or something like teleporting-ed) away.

Immediately, I sprang into action.

"NARU-CHAAAAAN!" Running up to death-glomp Naruto, I gave him what was most likely the biggest hug of his life. "Why don't you know who I am?"

"_T-T-Touka-chan?!?_" Naruto gasped.

"Yup! Here, just to make thing a little easier on you... HENGE!" I transformed into 'Touka-Form.'

"Technically speaking, this is what I looked like at the age of eleven, since I don't really know what I look like now," I note, fiddling with my short hair, "But hey! I'm still taller than Chicken-asshead here, so I'm okay with that." I stuck my tongue out at Sasuke as maturely as was currently possible, then hug Naru-chan tighter. "I win..."

"Do you have a height complex?" Kakashi asked boredly.

I giggled and nodded spastically. "My goal is Orochimaru!"

This startled him (ha! I broke his lifelong boredness!). "Orochimaru?"

"Yup! He's pretty tall you know..." I said, "Like, seven foot something, at least. But I'm gonna be TALLER. I'm gonna be so tall, the average woman is taller than the average man!"

Kakashi just stared at me blankly. "... And I thought Naruto's dreams were stupid."

I furrowed my eyebrows at the grey-haired procrastinator. "Be nice," I scolded, sounding suspiciously like my dad. this is something he says whenever my siblings fight (or when I pimp-slap them for reading fanfictions over my shoulder).

Sasuke growls animalistic-ally. "Get... off... of him..."

(Sasuke POV)

Haku steps away from the girl who's switched with Sakura, and she immediately runs up to Naruto and hugs him, proving herself to be the girl who told me she doesn't hug her little siblings.

The world turns red and all I see is her, hugging him, and him, not minding.

"Get... off... of him..." I growl. "GET OFF OF NARUTO!"

Surprisingly, she complies.

"Okay, okay, cool it!" Touka laughs. "I have released your property. Don't sue me for trespassing."

"HEY!" Naruto yells. "Since when was I Teme's property!"

Touka smirks. "Fanfiction, my friend, fanfiction."

"People write those for Icha Icha," Kakashi notes. "They're not very good. They all think they can write smut as well a Jiraiya-sama..." he clicks his tongue disapprovingly.

"Maybe I'll read that book, so I can write some crack fics," Touka notes. "Little funny one-shots to boost people's humor... damn. I'm not old enough to get a copy..."

"You can borrow mine," Kakashi offers, "But only if you promise to write fanfiction afterwards."

"Okay," Touka laughs, "But only because I haven't yet found a really good book since I showed up in this place. How do you guys _survive_ without Harry Potter?" she wondered. "Or The Beatles? This dimension has a lack of literature skills _and_ a lack of music skills!"

"Em-hem!" Tazuna coughs. "Shouldn't we be going?"

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(Kakashi POV)

On the downside, I was weakened and needed crutches. On the upside, I finally got some food.

"Incidentally..." I asked, looking at my students, "Which one of you stole my breakfast?"

Sakura-- I mean Touka-- giggled. "That was me," she admitted.

"If you knew that I was going to fight Zabuza, why did you do that?"

Touka hung her head. "Sorry, Kakashi-sensei. I guess I wasn't really thinking. I would've stolen Sasuke's breakfast, but he ate it too fast."

Sasuke glared at Touka. "I hate you," he said.

Touka grinned back at him. "I get that a lot from someone back home... she doesn't mean it either."

"No, I seriously hate you," Sasuke muttered.

"Aww, you know you love me," Touka teased, hugging Naruto.

Sasuke bristled. "LET GO OF HIM!"

"We all agreed that he doesn't belong to you, so what say do you have over who hugs him?" She stuck out her tongue.

"Let go of him," Sasuke repeated.

Touka released the dobe, chuckling slightly. "Okay, okay, I let go if him. Happy now?" She raised her eyebrows questioningly.

Sasuke smirked. "Yes."

"Em-hem!" I coughed. "Anyway, since you were the one that took the gennin exams and passed them, Touka, you're still a ninja of Konoha, so you can't back out here."

"_Why I wanna to do that?_" Touka asked. "Besides, I wanna stay on this mission. --Has ulterior motives."

"Ulterior motives?" I asked suspiciously.

Touka nodded. "Since I already know about things that are going to happen... or thing that have happened that were important enough for people to flash back on them... there are a lot of stupid situations I'm hoping to fix."

"Like that cat, Tora?" Sasuke asked. "You told its owner to take better care of it '

"Yes!" Touka said excitedly. "But I'm gonna help people, too! Do you know how many characters in this series have really stupid situations, need a few words of comfort or even just a _friend?_" She sighed. "To fix problems, and to make friends-- that's my goal here!"

I sighed. "Are you always this hyper?"

"Only on Tuesdays-- Just kidding." She sighed. "Sorry, inside joke, you wouldn't get it. ... If I overstuff myself or get on sugar crash I get real sleepy, and I don't do so great when I'm sleepy," Touka laughed, "But don't worry. If it's a mission, the danger of being killed-- whether it's something I'm fabricating to keep myself alert or not-- is enough to keep me awake."

"It better be," I said, "Because I think that Haku kid you're so fond of and Zabuza are in cahoots."

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(Haku POV)

"Hey, Haku," One of the demon brothers said, poking me in the arm. "I heard about your little girlfriend."

"She's _not_ my girlfriend," I said annoyedly. I'm beginning to understand why Zabuza enjoys scaring these two so much.

"But you accepted her gift," the other one teased.

I glared at them both. "Shut. Up."

"Ah, let them have their fun," Zabuza chuckled. "Besides, you brought this apon yourself. Pinning her to a tree like that..."

"..." I did not want to talk about this. "You wounds might be infected, Zabuza-san. I'll go get you some herbs."

Just then, Gatou walked in.

"Aren't you supposed to the the great demon of the Mist? WHY IS THE OLD FART STILL ALIVE?!? And you're injured, too..." He raised a hand to strike Zabuza, but I ran up and grabbed the offending arm and twisted it until it broke.

"Leave Zabuza-san alone," I hissed. Maybe I'd go for herbs later...

"Oh, Haku," Gatou noted. "That reminds me. I heard about your little girlfriend..."

Or maybe not.

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(Hinata POV)

"So... it's ALL an anime?" I gasped. "All my life-- my secrets? Out in the open..."

"Yep," said one of the people who was friends with the two girls that Sakura and I had switched with. "Pretty much. I'm Banshou, by the way."

"Wait... so... my crush on Naruto?!?" I squeaked. "You all knew about that?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Hinata, even I knew about that. It's pretty damn obvious."

"Oh..." I fell over, eyes spinning, face red.

One of the others (I think her name was Kei) laughed. "Don't worry, Hina-chan. Naruto's clueless, he hasn't figured this out yet."

Hinata hung her head. "You're right about that..." she admitted.

"Anyway," Sakura noted, "Wanna watch some anime? I wanna see what Touka's done to me _this _time..."

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Me: that's where I felt like leaving it off.

Kuro: stop focusing on Haku and POST MORE YAOI!

Me: ... I'll try!

Touka: next time, on dance of the flower petals, kuro-chan gets settled into konoha, and hinata has an encounter with the fanbase. I'm gonna encounter mah fave episode... EPISODE 12! HAKU IN A PINK DRESS

Sasuke: Wow, she's worse than Sakura!

Me: yes, I am. Please review!å


	8. Friends?

Me: w007 another chapter! boosted the boylove content here... was focusing too much on Touka.

kuro: yes, you were. by the way, shashuko doesn't own naruto. SASUKE does!

kishimoto masashi: HEY!

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(Naruto POV)

"Why is it so hard to climb a damn tree dattebayou?" I wailed, rubbing my butt, which was sore (from falling on it). "Touka climbed all the way first time she tried and I can't get more than twenty steps!"

"No, I didn't," Touka laughed. sitting cross-legged high in the trees above us. "But my first try was almost a year ago. I've been conditioning myself, you see-- where I come from we don't know how to use chakra. Instead, we waste time doing things like invented better computers. You guys don't even have the internet yet!"

"You mean all you still passed those exams after only training a year?" I said. Wow. Touka-chan's smart...

She laughed. "Well, truthfully, I had a lot of help. I spar Lee-kun every chance I get, and, well..."

"Well, what?" Sasuke asked, smirking. "You got him to 'remind' you how to use chakra?"

"Actually..." Touka said nervously. "Lee-kun... doesn't use chakra. BUT! I... kind-of-have-a-small-part-of-Sakura-still-lodged-in-my-brain-who-tells-me-stuff."

"Whaaaaat?" I yelled. "Sakura-chan's in your head?"

"Only part of her," Touka said quickly. "The part that gets angry more easily. Generally speaking, her main use is to ask bizarre questions about chakra and those shinobi rules we had tests on."

"Sakura-chaaan!" I yelled. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?"

Touka took off her henge (of how she looks in her real body) and smiled.

"Inner Sakura says _about time!_ And she wants me to punch you."

I felt the blood drain from my face.

"But don't worry, because that would mean getting down. _Henge!_"She turned back into 'herself.' "And I like mocking you to."

"Go screw yourself," muttered Sasuke, who hadn't said anything for the past hour.

"I can't," Touka shot back, "I'm a girl."

"Are you?" Sasuke taunted.

Touka stuck out her tongue. "Fine then, see if I help _you!_"

(Sasuke POV)

Touka jumped down, whispered something in Naruto's ear, punched him, and walked away.

Naruto grinned and walked all the way up his tree, then casually walked right back down and sat cross-legged on the ground, smirking at me.

"Well, teme?" He asked. "Are you gonna do it?"

"What did she tell you?" I asked, sliding to the ground from my tree for the umpteenth time. "What's the trick?"

Naruto stuck out his tongue."Mleeeeh! Not telling!"

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(Hinata POV)

"So... the Sakura who had a c-crush on S-Sasuke is _you_," I said, pointing at Sakura, "And the Sakura who t-taught me the song about apricot blossoms that look like p-popcorn is Touka?"

Sakura just stared at me. "Popcorn? ...Wait. You mean-- _I looked out the window and what did I see, popcorn popping on the apricot tree--_" She sang, "Right?"

I nodded.

Sakura laughed. "But that's a little kid's song! Ah, well, from what I've seen Touka acts like a little kid, so that's not too surprising," she said, "But, yeah. That was Touka. I'm the cold, heartless bitch who ditches her friend for a boy-- but, of course, I was already here when I would've done that, so that hasn't happened and probably never will."

"In other news, most people in this country don't speak Japanese," Kei interrupted. "We all do, but that's because we're all part Japanese. You speak English, right?"

"Err..." I said in English. "My f-father's taught me from a young age. W-what is this place, anyway?"

"The United States of America," Sakura replied, also in English. "The city's name is Springfield." (because the authoress is too paranoid to say where she lives and doesn't feel like picking a state right now, BUT, keep in mind that we don't live with the Simpsons)

"Okay," I said, surprisingly calmly, even to myself. "So, now what?"

"You get used to life in Kuro-chan's shoes," Sakura sighed. "The chances of us ever getting out of this are extremely low."

I gasped. "Y-you mean..."

The pink-haired across from me nodded ruefully. "You'll probably never see Naruto again."

My eyes rolled up into my head and I'm pretty sure I fainted.

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(Naruto POV)

"Tell me," Sasuke repeated.

I flashed him a smile that I knew would piss him off. "Nooooo," I said, sticking out my tongue, closing my eyes.

I felt an impact on the tree against my back, like someone had slammed into it. Confused, I opened my eyes...

Sasuke was standing right above me, hands to either side of my head.

"Tell. Me." Sasuke repeated. I could feel his breath on my face.

"No," I repeated, sticking out my tongue, and looking into his eyes.

Big mistake.

His deep, black eyes bored holes right into me.

"Tell me," he said again, his voice lower. His tone made me... scared. But not scared. It was a little _like _scared. More... what was the word again? Oh, yeah. Apprehensive.

But what was I apprehending?

(Sasuke POV)

Naruto's eyes were wide and I smirked inwardly. _'I've intimidated him. the battle is halfway over. Soon, he'll tell me the trick to this excercise...'_

I took a moment to observe how cute Naruto was (still is). His tanned skin, his big, blue eyes, his blonde hair that rested lightly in spikes...

I felt the slightest bit of heat rise to my cheeks, but I kept my cool.

"What's the trick?" I leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Tell me, Naruto."

"WHAT THE HELL, SASUKE?!?" the dobe yelled. "YOU'VE WAAAY PASSED MY PERSONAL BOUNDARIES!"

I smirked. "Personal boundaries?"

"Y-YEAH! I DON'T LIKE YOU IN MY FACE!"

Smirking, if possible, harder, I brought my cold hands up and placed them on Naruto's cheeks. "Really?" I asked. "Then why is your face so hot?"

(Naruto POV)

My breath caught in my throat. "I'm-- I'm flushed from my hard work climbing up that tree." Just to piss him off, I added, "Higher than you."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed into the famous 'Uchiha Death Glare,' which according to Touka can burn holes through walls in most fanfictions. Actually, I was never scared by this look. It usually means I got the better of the teme, if it's directed at me, so this is a look I enjoy to see.

"You talk to much," he said decidedly. He loomed nearer...

(Sasuke POV)

And I kissed him, just like that, on purpose this time. I'm not sure why, but I do know I don't regret it. I just used the hands that were on his cheeks and pulled him towards me.

And, though I never imagined I would ever kiss the dobe (on purpose, especially after Touka took those pictures of us that day we got our teams), I was enjoying this.

Naruto pushed me away. "S-Sasuke? Why'd you do that?"

I smirked. "I find the way you think you're better than me attractive." While this was not true, it had the desired affect.

Naruto looked up at me, giving me an angry look that would've been scary if it wasn't already extremely adorable.

"You... you BASTARD!" Naruto punched me in the face, then ran off.

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(Kakashi POV)

"Ah!" Touka's face turned bright red and she held the orange book away from herself. "This... this book! I can't read it!"

"Then give it back. Give up," I said in monotone.

Touka shook her head. "NO! The fanbase is in a dire situation! needs my help!" Determinedly, she reopened the book to the place her bookmark was. "This book needs funny, lighthearted fanfiction that isn't SMUT! The two are just too _cute _for me to forsake them without read their story!!!"

I smirked under my mask. I could push this girl around like a well-oiled shopping cart.

Just then, Naruto came rushing in.

"Naru-chan!" Touka put down the book and ran to give him a hug. "Did you finish?"

"Yeah," He grumbled, "But Sasuke wouldn't back off!"

For a minute, Touka turned her head away from Naruto so she could make a 'fangirl' expression at the wall, the she turned back to him.

"Really?" Touka asked. "In what way?"

Naruto trembled and put his head against Touka's shoulder. "He... he kissed me!"

"Now way!" Touka said. "On purpose?"

Naruto nodded, and Touka hugged him.

"So why are you angry?" Touka said, grinning.

"He kissed me trying to find out the trick to the tree-climbing."

"Oh..." Touka said. "I wonder what made him think that would help?" she asked, grinning evilly. "Just because he loves you doesn't mean you like him back."

"I... do... sorta... like him..." Naruto said slowly, "But... he's being a big, fat, jerk!"

"He's still in the same place, right?" Touka questioned. Naruto nodded.

"Well, then." Touka grabbed her coat and pulled it on. "I think it's time Sasuke and I had a little chat. I was planning on talking to him later anyway..."

She grinned at Naruto, closing her eyes. "Because Sasuke needs to set his priorities straight."

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(Touka POV)

"Saaaaaaa-su-ke!" I called, reaching the clearing where the tree-climbing took place.

"What's the trick?" he asked, pointing at the trees. There were scratch marks halfway up, but obviously he needed help.

"Later," I told him, sitting at the foot of his tree, "We need to talk."

"About what?" Sasuke asked, glaring down at me. Ha! If he thinks that scares me he should see Kuro-chan in a bad mood. Or when I compare her brothers to Itachi! She really hates that, since her brothers are nice to her.

But I can't ever remember what her brothers look like anyway, and Kuro-chan's back home anyway...

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(Kuro-chan POV)

"ACHOO!" I sneezed.

"You okay?" Kiba asked. I nodded.

"Maybe someone's talking about you," offered Neji.

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(Touka POV)

Anyway, this isn't about Kuro-chan. It's about Sasuke.

"Talk?" Sasuke asked. "What about? Move to the side so I can keep climbing."

I shook my head. "No. And we're here talking about your priorities."

Sasuke's face contorted into confusion. "My priorities?"

"Simply put, being stronger just so you can kill your brother seems kinda stupid."

"Stupid...? You know as well as I do, he _killed _my family!"

I shrug. "He's a lot older than you. Running away to join some ped-- nevermind, that part isn't relevant right now. BUT, 'Tachi's older than you. And, at our young age, this difference is actually a pretty big one, too. When you get older, a few years' difference won't be such a fabulous asset for him."

"So, you're saying I should wait 'till I'm older to kill him?" Sasuke spat. "This isn't something I can just wait for! I want to kill him, I'm ready! I'm just not strong enough yet..."

"Exactly!" I said, grinning. "So wait 'till you're stronger-- then you can handle Itachi. Now, on the subject of Naruto--"

"Yes, I kissed him, what of it?" He interrupted.

I smiled sadly and shook my head. "That might've not been the best way to get info off of Naruto, stupid," I chuckled. "He _likes _you. But you, you said some stupid thing to piss him off and get a reaction of out of him, didn't you?"

Sasuke looked away. "He called a bastard and he punched me."

"You are a bastard!" I laughed. "OPEN YOUR EYES!"

Sasuke stared at me. Then, he smirked.

"You..." he trailed off. "You _want_ me to be with Naruto, right?"

I nodded spastically. "SasuNaru is a pairing made of Win!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "'Made of win?'"

"Ah haha..." I laughed nervously. "Phrase where I come from."

"...Anyway..." Sasuke said, "Will you help me?"

"That depends..." I said slowly. "Will you he my friend?"

"You just called me bastard... and you want to be my friend?" Sasuke practically had a sweatdrop rolling down the back of his head.

"I call you a bastard because you are _later_," I said, smirking. "Right now, you're actually pretty cool. Later, you betray us all for power, and that sucks."

"... Wait," He said. "Do I kill Itachi?"

"Not telling!" I laughed. "But, I will tell you other stuff you might not know about your brother later. In the meantime..." I held my hand out to him. "Friends?"

He took the hand and shook it. "Friends."

"Good. Now!" I stood up quickly. "Let's go see what we can do about your dobe!"

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(Kuro POV)

"Hey, Kuro-chan!" Kiba called, catching up to me. "How long have you been running laps around Konoha today?"

I grinned. "Three hours! Life is so much better without asthma. I feel _empowered!_"

Kiba laughed. "You said you don't use chakra in your world, though," he said. "So how'd you just figure it out so easily?"

"Touka taught me..." I said, building a climax, "...Before she switched with Sakura."

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Me: And that's the way the cookie crumbles!

Kuro: another cliffhanger?

Me: (sob) they're so much fun to write...

Sakura: YAOI! --Hugs Kuro-- Thank you for opening my eyes to its beauty! Now I'll go show Hinata.

Kuro: Yes, you do that. Good girl.

Tobi: Tobi is a good boy! Review for Tobi!

Me: Those who review get a hug form the anime character of-- nevermind, someone else does that.

but, here, stephy-chan gets a hug from gaara :)

kuro-chan, I'm letting you push naruto into sasuke.

Luffly Emily- thank you for appreciating Haku's smexiness in that outfit. I LOVES THE PINK THING!

doodlelover- here's your sedatives in the form of fanfiction! thankies for reviewing so often u it makes meh happeh...

deathgodgirl, review appreciated. thanks for finding this stress-relieving hearing stuff like that makes mah day.

other people-- just be reading this you make me happy! but please review. I needs my reviews... they are mah drug. that and sasodei.

Shashuko, out!


	9. Wave Arc Filler, Abridged

Me: HIIII GUYS! Didja miss me? I haven't updated in awhile...

Sakura: I didn't miss her!

Me: Yeah well screw you, bitch. ... On second thought, nevermind. I DON'T OWN NARUTO!

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(Kiba POV)

"T-Touka switched with Sakura?" I nearly lost my footing as the two of us continued running around Konoha. "WHEN?"

"A little more than a year ago," Kuroko said, clearly enjoying my shock at this information. "Before you met her. The 'Touka' you know is really just a henge- that's what she looked like at the time we switched, when she was eleven."

"But..." I said, "She smells different from Sakura! How is that possible?"

"I have no idea," Kuroko said. "Maybe she has a special way of using the henge or something..."

"So..." I paused. "She thinks of me and everybody else as anime characters too?"

"Pretty much," Kuroko said cheerfully, skidding to a stop. "I think that's enough running for today. Wonder how Hinata's holding up, pretending to be me back home..."

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(Hinata POV)

"Kuro-sama!" said the boy to my right. "How are you today? Can I carry your books?"

"No!" said the boy to my left, "Let me do it!"

"U-ummm..." I wasn't used to all this attention that I was getting. After all the time I'd spent in my own body wishing I was prettier, here I was with fanboys at my beck and call and no idea what to do with them. "I can c-carry them myself, thanks." To add to the awkwardness, we were all speaking English, which is not my first language.

"Oi, losers!" It was Sakura (in Touka's body) to the rescue. "You leave Kuro-chan alone-- her asthma is acting up again and she needs space."

The fanboys (there were more than I could count) all leapt away and bowed.

"Please forgive us, Kuro-sama! We had no idea!" they all said at the same time.

"C'mon, Kuroko, we're late for class," added Sakura. 

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(Kuroko POV)

"... And I don't have to deal with the fanboys!" I said, conluding the list of reasons I didn't mind being stuck in the Naruto world.

Neji rolled his eyes. "Fanboys? _You?_"

"She must be... beautiful," decided Shino. I stared at him and backed away, slowly.

"Apparently, she's hideous," Kiba snorted. I glared.

_"Henge!" _I yelled, transforming into myself--- what I really look like.

Silence reigned. Kiba, Shino, and Neji stared openly.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Kiba laughed openly. "You look like Sasuke!"

"This is true," Shino noted.

Neji just activated his byakugan and continued staring...

Wait. What?

'_Oh, no, he didn't.'_

"NEJI, YOU PERV!" I yelled on top of my lungs, kicking him in the lower regions. He doubled over in pain and deactivated his perverted bloodline.

Kiba smirked. "Ooh that's gotta hurt."

"I'm sure it does," I said sweetly. "Would you like to find out?"

His face became so pale, it was almost blue. "No, thanks!" he said quickly.

"That's what I thought. And, by the way..." I walked up to him, made my eyes all big, and asked in a saturated-sugary voice...

"Why did you compare me to Sasuke? That's meeeeaaaan..." I threw in the puppy eyes and baby pout for added effect.

"I... I take it back!" Kiba stuttered, and I backed away.

"Good," I said in a normal voice, smirking evilly. "I'm glad you think so."

Kiba smiled beautifically...

Ohhh crap. How am I gonna convince him to like Hinata if he's one of my fanboys?

Hmmm...

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(Naruto POV)

"Naaaaaru-chan!" Touka called, running into the room I was staying in, where I was currently in bed, staring at the ceiling blankly. "Come on, get out of bed! You need to keep training. Just 'cause I gave you spoilers doesn't mean you're gonna get stronger..."

I rolled over. "Go away," I said, doing my best to convey my misery.

Touka giggled. "C'mon Naru-chan... _The sun is up, the sky is blue..._" she started singing and I rolled away, so she sang louder.

"_It's beautiful, and so are you! Dear Naru, won't you come out to play?_"

"No!" I mumbled, crunching myself into a ball.

"Aww..." Touka said, "Did he break your heart?"

"Yes," I said stubbornly, "And I'm not coming out 'till I feel better dattebayou."

"Trust me," Touka laughed, "Staying in bed will NOT make you feel better. I suggest ice cream or talking to Sasuke-- trying to make it better."

"Make it better?" I growled, sitting up. "How exactly is TALKING to that bastard gonna make me feel better?"

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(Touka POV)

"Well..." I grinned, and did another shameless slight tweak of another Beatles song. "_Hey, dude, don't make it bad... take a sad song... and make it better! You've got to let him into your heart, then you can start... to make it better._"

"It won't help," Naruto said, acting very like myself when my friends are trying to get me to do something I don't want to (sad fact of life: it took almost a year to get me to start watching/reading Naruto).

I just smiled. "_Hey, dude... don't bring me down... you were made to... go out and get her! You've got to let him under you skin... then you begin... to make it better._"

The blonde boy I was trying to convince glared at me. "Not. Helping."

I pouted. "If you HAD the Beatles in this dimension..." I spat, "You'd get it. But nooo! It's the Iwa Rockettes and Heavy Meatheads and all your other, _weird_ bands you have here..."

"Hey!" Naruto yelled. "We'd probably think your bands were weird, too dattabayou!"

"Yeah, you're right..." My eyes widened. "Oh no! All of a sudden, I realize there are some songs I'm glad we don't have... like, this one guy wrote a song titled 'My Idea of Fun (Is killing everyone).' That song might have... a negative affect on the ninja population, to say in the least."

Naruto laughed. "Yeah, I can see that dattebayou..."

"Hey, Naruto..." I dropped the nickname to get his attention. 

"Huh?" he asked, looking up. "What is it, Touka-chan?"

"Well... you sometimes say things..." I gulped, "To get a rise out of Sasuke, right?"

"Well, yeah..." Naruto said. He chuckled. "I like seeing his face when I annoy him."

"Exactly!" I said. "Maybe... he was just doing the same thing! He likes your angry face, that's all!"

"Humph!" Naruto said, crossing his arms and looking away, pouting. "Who'd like my angry face anyway?"

Quickly, I pulled out my digital camera and snapped a shot of him pouting, then showed him the picture. "See? You're _adorable!_"

"Not helping," Naruto said for the second time.

"Hmm... gee." I sighed. "Wy are you two so stupid! You both like each other, no one's trying to separate you, so why not? You're just being... narrow-minded. Seriously. I talked to Sasuke already and he feels really bad about the whole misunderstanding, so... at least try to talk to him, 'kay?"

Naruto laid back down on his bed. "...We'll see."

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(Sasuke POV)

Touka skipped out of Naruto's room and turned to where I was leaning against the wall.

"He'll come around soon, Sauce-chan," Touka said happily. "Just give him a couple days... these things can be hard to figure out. He'll come to you, ne?"

I sighed. "Okay... wait. Why'd you call me Sauce-chan?"

"It's your nickname!" Touka giggled. 

I groaned. "Please don't."

"Okay, okay," Touka giggled. "... You know what bugs me?"

"What?"

"Everyone's so damn _informal _in manga or anime. I mean, _gosh!_" She made a face. "We're all so rude! With the exception of Haku, Rock Lee and Orochimaru. Except Orochimaru only refers to little boys as 'kun' because that's his type... damn pedophile. I've ever seen him address a female who wasn't his former teammate, but he referred to her a 'Princess'... which is a little weird, I guess, but you know..."

"Tsunade _is _a princess," I explained, smirking. "Her grandfather's--"

"The first Hokage, I know," Touka laughed. "But since-- err, yeah... I guess that makes sense. The head of the founding fathers always becomes the leader."

"Founding fathers?"

"Yep, founding fathers, the men and women--- or unfortunately, often just men-- who set up a country, town, community, village, et-cetera. Where I come from, they are revered to the hundredth power. ...Well, the ones who got voted president. And the ones who wrote the famous (fancy) documents... which are hard to interpret now because language's changed a lot since then."

I raised my eyebrows. "The place you come from is pretty old, then?"

"Ahaha!" Touka laughed. "We're over two hundred years old-- the country, not me... anyway, I'll try to be more polite now. I've been pretty rude myself, right Sasuke-kun?"

"Yes, you have... hey! Since when are we on a first name basis?" I said quickly.

Touka grinned. "Since we're teammates." 

This was all she said on the subject-- she then skipped out, humming to herself.

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(Touka POV)

_**'Well, then!' **_Inner Sakura said triumphantly, _**'Our work here is done.'**_

_'Yup!' _I agreed. _'Let's give them some space. Besides, I need to work on my jutsu...'_

I started warming up with the general pushups-situps-laps-treewalking exercises, then sat down and worked with hand sealing (to be able to make them faster).

I heard a rustle behind me in the trees.

"Come out already, I can hear you," I said, "Was wondering when you'd show up."

A white bunny jumped out of the bushes and into my arms.

"Ha ha. Very funny," I said sarcastically. "Now, seriously. is it Haku or Zabuza?"

No reply.

"Okay then..." I looked up. "Demon brothers?"

Silence. WHoever it was had probably already left.

I giggled to myself.

"Orochimaru? Uchiha Itachi? Hoshigaki Kisame? Rock Lee!"

I just laughed. "Of course, it wouldn't be any of these people... SASORI AND DEIDARA! Ha, I wish..." 

"Psychic, un!" A clear voice rang out like a bell. "How'd you know?"

"I didn't," I said, grinning. "As any true anime watcher would know, Deidara's voice is much deeper than that. However, in the reading of yaoi fanfiction... it's hard to imagine him without a voice like a girls'-- oops. You probably don't know what I'm talking about..."

"Actually..." A dark shadow stepped out form behind a tree. "Kisame was delivering something to Zabuza when he overheard your conversation. So, Akatsuki knows about your... situation."

It was a girl with blue hair, wearing a black cloak with red clouds.

"K-Konan!" I said, pointing accusingly.

Konan rolled her eyes. "No, I'm Uchiha Itachi in drag. What do _you_ think? Of course I'm Konan!" She smiled, sweat-dropping. "Of course, it's a little awkward to have someone know my name before I meet them, but... Touka, right?"

"I am..." I admitted. "... You know, at the point in the manga where we meet you, you're not like this at all. You're a lot more... serious. Or something."

Konan looked thoughtful. "Was I fighting or talking about something Akatsuki-related? I put up a front in front of Pein and the others-"

"Uchiha Madara?" I interrupted.

Konan paled. "-Him too. I was hoping he wasn't in the series."

"Who, Tobi-chan?" I said, using a cutesy voice. "But Tobi's good boy! Why would he scare yoooou, big, bad angel-san?"

"Angel?" Konan chuckled. "Only in Rain Village, Touka, only in Rain..."

"Anyway!" I asked. "Why are you here?"

"Oh..." Konan's face glazed over and became expressionless. "Leader-san says... don't mess with Akatsuki's plans. _The consequences would be... severe._" She did a creepy face, and I laughed.

I nodded. "I'm not stupid, nor am I suicidal! Akatsuki are too strong for me to mess with them anyway." _'Well... I'm not killing Sasori at any rate. That would make Deidara sad... I think. I hope?' _(SasoDei is my OTP)

Konan dropped the blank look and giggled. "Damn straight. Now, if you'll excuse me, I was going to go set up Hidan and Kakuzu... lock them in a closet with chakra."

"And a night-vision camera?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Konan grinned evilly. "But of course! You want the tape of Sasori and Deidara?"

"YES!" I yelled. "Wait... nevermind, I don't think so. I might scar myself mentally... for life. So, _yeah..._ no. But thanks for the offer! Those two are my favorite pairing."

"You're welcome! Anyway, I better go. Things to do, people to see, pairings to commence..." she disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

_'That went surprisingly well, ne, Inner Sakura?' _I thought to myself.

_**'I'll say! I thought she was gonna kill us!'**_

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(Hinata POV)

The days passed quickly, and in about a week I had nearly gotten used to 'being Kuro-chan.' Unlike in Sakura's position, we didn't tell the parents-- we didn't have to.

However, due to "Kuro-sama's sudden shyness," there was a rumor going around that I'd been raped or assaulted.

And, as far as the Naruto fanbase goes?

... No comment.

... Okay, I'll admit it. When I first saw the NaruHina pairing, I was overjoyed. But, after awhile, I soon became more than slightly creeped out by the fact that I've been paired with everything in the series that moves-- from Naruto to Zetsu to Shino to Orochimaru-- and now only read things on pairings that I don't have top participate in.

... Like Kuroko-san's SasuNaru doujinshi. If I can't have Naruto (and I've almost given up hope that I can), then Sasuke is best for him.

Besides, the doujinshi artists draw Naruto sooo cuuute...

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(Kuroko POV)

"What are you drawing?" Kiba asked, looking over my shoulder as I sketched. 

"Kyuubi in human form," I said blankly, tracing whisker marks on my human Kyuubi's face. 

"WHAT?" Kiba yelped. "But Kyuubi's, like, evil! He killed sooo many people when he attacked the village..."

"And he's cute like this." I gestured at my drawing.

Kiba stared. 

And stared.

And stared...

"_Damn,_" he said, "You have a point there. Can you draw me next?"

"I'll try," I laughed.

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(Kakashi POV)

"I finished the book!" Touka announced, coming into the room where I had been trying to sleep. "I skipped over the smut parts."

"But those are the best parts!" I protested. 

Touka rolled her eyes. "To a big fat pervert like you, maybe. I don't really read smut. If the characters want to do that, it can be mentioned but doesn't have to be _described _in detail." She made a face. "Porn is for old guys like you who can't hold down a proper girlfriend."

"I don't have to," I pointed out, "Since I can _hold down _Iruka any time. And he's my _boy_friend."

Touka's face went red, and she laughed, making a 'time out' sign with her hands. "T.M.I., sensei!" she gasped, unable to be very audible past her own giggling. 

She continued her laughing seizure, then took a deep breath and said, "And that wasn't what I meant by 'hold down'--" she cracked up again.

"You laugh a lot, don't you?" I commented dryly.

The orange-haired nodded enthusiastically. "Like a hyena!" she announced. "I am the loudest, rudest, clutziest, and easily-triggered-sense-of-humor person I know! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go guard the old guy... which someone should be doing anyway."

She handed me my precious orange book and walked out of the room.

About halfway to the door, she cracked up again.

"What?" I asked.

Touka blinked. "I dunno, I just felt like laughing."

This is going to get very old, very fast.

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(Kiba POV)

"I wonder what Touka's doing right now," Kuroko (who preferred to be called Kuro) wondered aloud. She smirked. "Probably stalking a certain ex-mist-nin..."

"What's he look like?" I pressed. "Draw him too."

Kuro looked away. "I can't draw Haku."

I grinned. "Why not? He scary?"

"No, just too hard to draw. Even Touka can't draw him too well," the Sasuke-look-alike sighed, flipping the page of her notebook to a picture of Naruto in a frilly dress. "Of course, she draws him non-stop anyway. That girl has waaay too much spare time on her hands."

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(Touka POV)

I was sitting in the middle of some trees, singing loudly:

"Threeeee point one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven nine three two three eight four six two six four three three--"

_"Are you singing the digits of pi?_" A certain smexy bishounen voice said from behind me.

"Ha-Haku!" I gasped, turning around to see, for the first time in real life, Haku's face. I was speechless.

He chuckled apologetically. "I know, I look like a girl," he said, "Though, I think you would know that..."

"I- I knew you were pretty," I admitted, softly because I was still in slight shock, "But, but-- _you're_ _gorgeous!_" I half-yelled, almost accusingly. "I wasn't emotionally prepared for that!"

"Gorgeous?" Haku asked, smiling slightly. 

I turned my head away and made an '/' expression, before turning back and nodding vigorously.

Haku smirked slightly, tilting his head to the side.

"Kyaaaa!" I buried my head in my knees. "You're_ too cute_, it hurts to look at you!"

"I am?" I could practically hear Haku raise his eyebrows.

"Err... well..." I said, my voice muffled by my pant legs, "...Yeah. Or, at least I think so. But I'm biased."

"So I hear," Haku said, almost nervously.

There was an awkward silence. (I withheld myself from yelling GAY BABY PREVENTION on top of my lungs... looong story.)

"Umm..." I said after awhile, willing myself to bring my head up and look at Haku, "So... what are you doing here?"

"Herbs for Zabuza-san," Haku said, gesturing towards the basket he was holding with his free hand. "So... why were you singing the digits of pi?"

"They were stuck in my he---- how do you know pi? I mentioned it to Naruto and Sasuke, and they didn't know what I was talking about since we don't do algebra in the ninja academy. Even Kakashi-sensei took awhile to remember the meaning of pi!"

"Zabuza-san mentioned it once, and I looked it up in the Kirigakure library," Haku explained. "I kind of got hooked on algebra for awhile..."

"Lucky bastard," I murmured, "I wish I could get myself hooked on math. Then I wouldn't have to retake every math test I take!"

"Touka, are you talking to yourself?" Sasuke's voice said from far off in the distance. "I can hear you even though I can't see you?"

"Yeees," I called back, "I happen to be a psycho lonely girl so I'm talking to myself and thinking of ways to annoy Itachi without making him kill me!"

I heard Sasuke's footsteps getting louder. "Good idea! But I have something more important to talk to you about..."

I looked over to Haku (my heart skipped a beat when we locked eyes--- arrrgh I'm not going to be able to do anything worthwhile in this arc if I can't act correctly in front of one of the people we're fighting!) and smiled apologetically. "You'd better go," I said. 

Haku nodded. "Same time tomorrow?" He suggested. "I'm curious to see how many digits of pi you know." He smiled again, and I'm pretty sure I squealed slightly.

I smirked. "I'd better brush up."

He disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

I got up and started jumping up and down.

"YES! YES! YES!" I cheered. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"

"Touka?" Sasuke appeared from behind a tree. "What are you doing?"

"Err..." I rubbed the back of head with my hand. "What if I called Itachi 'Okojo-san' accidentally-on-purpose?" (a/n: okojo is another japanese word for weasel)

Sasuke smirked. "That might work... and it might not. Why don't you try it out it you ever meet him?" His eyes glazed over and he gloated, obviously imagining either me laughing and his brother pissed off or my dead bloody corpse on the floor with his brother standing over it... and pissed off. I'm not sure which he would find more entertaining.

"Anyway," I said, "What'd you come all the way over here for? And don't me it's because dinner's ready, because the conversation I was having was important."

"A conversation with yourself?" Sasuke questioned, staring at me strangely. "Important?"

"Yusssh," I said. "So why are you here?"

"I... wanted to talk about..." Sasuke looked away. "About Naruto."

I smirked. "Did you say something stupid again?"

"Err..." Sasuke sighed. "Naruto just asked me why the _real_ reason was that I kissed him was, and I said told him the truth."

"That you love him and want to spread the rest of your life with him?" Touka joked.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "If only... the truth of the matter is, I don't know _why_ I kissed him!" He growled, meshed his fingers into his (chicken-butt-like) hair. "Kakashi says jump him and see what happens, but something tells me that that's a bad idea."

"So you came to me?" I laughed. 

Sasuke nodded. "Since you were raised civilian, I figured you'd know more about this dating stuff than me."

I shrugged. "Most of what I know is stuff I get off of fanfictions," I admitted. "But, if I were you, I'd... apologize to Naruto and maybe explain a little better than you did before, and tell him you're going to think it out before you give him a proper answer."

"And then?" Sasuke said, hanging onto my words.

"And then do it!" I said. "Think over how you really feel about Naruto, then tell him. And I know for a fact that he likes you already, soooo..." I grinned. "If you figure it out and you like him too, then there you go! ... Oh! And because I don't think anyone else will bother to say it."

"Yes?" Sasuke asked.

I smiled slightly evilly. "If you hurt him, I'll hurt you."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I won't," He promised. Or at least I _hope_ he promised.

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(Kuro POV)

Hyuuga Hiashi glared down at me. 

"Hinata," he said, "You are suddenly much weaker than before. What happened?"

He didn't know about where the real Hinata was-- only Neji, Kurenai, Kiba, and Shino knew I was me. ... If that makes any sense.

"I- I- I'm sorry, Tousan," I stuttered. "I promise to get better."

Truthfully, Neji was teaching me Hyuuga techniques late at night and I wasn't getting much sleep. I was going to be very, very good at them... once I actually got some rest. I was staying up laaaate at night, and wake up eeeeearly in the morning. Then again, this was normal since I would study for my entrance exams back home anyway.

Hiashi snorted. "I doubt you'll ever get better," he scoffed.

I glared up at him. "Just because I'm not as strong as Neji doesn't mean I'm a failure," I spat.

The Hyuuga head's eyes widened. He shook. "What... did... you... say?"

I smirked in spite of myself. "I said... you're a big fat jerk and you need to get a life."

"If I were you, I'd keep my mouth shut," Hiashi growled.

"Yeah, well, you're not me. I am me. And you don't even know who 'me' is, since you never pay any attention to your own daughter anyway!"

Hiashi raised his hand and used the back of his hands to slap me to the floor.

"I'm not your bitch!" I said, standing up slowly. "So don't pimp-slap me!"

Of course, this didn't stop me from using Jyuuken to bitch-slap his face, then running out to hide at Kiba's house. Hinata does this often, apparently.

Tee-hee.

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(Kiba POV)

"You gotta stop pissing off Hiashi like that," My mom scolded Kuro, who was in Hinata's form, "One of these days you'll end up dead, and then Hinata won't ever get her body back!"

"I don't think she'll get it back anyway, mom," I pointed out. "Kuro's here to stay."

"Actually..." Kuro said, "Since I'm pretty sure I know who switched me... I might be able to go back eventually. But I'm not going to even try before Touka comes back and I find out if she's managed to set up Sasuke and Naruto yet."

"In that case..." I smirked. "Here's hoping they get together as soon as possible."

Kuro's eyes got big and teary. "You mean don't love me?" She whispered.

Now, don't get me wrong, Kuro's annoying. But when she's in Hinata's form... I can't stand to see Hinata cry.

"No!" I said quickly. "Nonononono! I just meant I want Hinata back. That's all!"

Kuro stopped fake crying and she gave that Sasuke-reminiscent smirk.

"Well," She said, "At least your heart's in the right place."

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(Touka POV)

A week passed. Sasuke was really quiet most of the time, and spent any time not spent guarding Gatou training or talking to me about Naruto. He had apologized to the dobe, but he was still unsure exactly what his feelings were. 

Naruto was always, always training somehow. Even when he was guarding Gatou, he did that exercise where you hold a leaf on your forehead with chakra. 

I spent most of my free time practicing my genjutsu (which is very fun) and/or meeting Haku in secret (I've been showing him Beatles music through my genjutsu. His favorite so far is 'I Will' form the White Album. My favorite is 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da').

And then, suddenly... 

Me, Kakashi, and Sasuke were with Gatou on the bridge when Haku and Zabuza appeared.

"And so..." Zabuza said, looking at Kakashi, "It is down to you, and it is down to me. And your friend who think we're anime characters."

I grinned cheekily. "No, Zabuza-san, I _know _you're anime characters. How else would you be able to lift, let alone swing that sword you're carrying?"

Haku (who was wearing that damn mask, which hides his pretty face) half-raised his hand and said,

"You know, Zabuza-san, she does have a point there."

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Me: lol Zabuza just quoted 'the princess bride'

Zabuza: I did?

Me: yup! HEYYY! ANYONE WHO CAN TELL ME WHERE ZABUZA QUOTES 'THE PRINCESS BRIDE' GETS A HUG FROM VEGETA3986! ... Just kidding.

Sasuke: Haha, Touka. LOGGED!

Touka: I work for the log.


	10. Bubblegum KATSU!

Me: Sorry it's taking for me so log to update! " I still live with my mother and she says 2 hours of homework before any computer... aka 30 minutes of computer. then I have to finish all my homework, and I NEVER do my homework! sniffle I'm tryiiiing...

Sasuke: Go cry, emo kid. Shashuko, the Paisley Maiden doesn't own Naruto. _I _do.

Zabuza: LET THERE BE WAVE ARC!

...0.0 ...0.0 ...0.0

(Touka POV)

"So..." Kakashi said slowly. "I suppose this is where we fight?"

Zabuza's eyes squinted-- I think he was smirking. "Let's have your little otaku fight my prodigy, hmm?"

Kakashi shook his head. "I don't think Touka should fight Haku. She's not strong enough. Sasuke, on the other hand..."

I giggled. "Sasuke had the highest scores at the academy." _'Heh. That's right, let Sasuke fight him... I need to be in the same position as Sakura for this to work.'_

_**'Oh great. Another plot?'**_

___'Well I'm not just gonna let Haku and Zabuza die, right? And I wanna sock Gatou at least once. He's a bastard. Hmmph... thinks he can kick Haku's corpse...'_

_**'Hah! And you wonder why your friend the Gaara fangirl hates Deidara.'**_

___'Shut up,' _I thought. "Anyway," I drawled, "I could just scream and you'd all drop, so I suggest you all don't piss me off."

"Actually," Zabuza said, "The demon brothers are half a mile away and they'll hear your scream, but won't be hurt by it. If you make us all drop, they'll put earplugs, come and kill Gatou. You'll be killed, and so will your silly little teammates."

"_Damn,_" I cursed under my breath. "Earplugs. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Coz you're stupid," Sasuke muttered back. I turned my head, stuck out my tongue as far as possible, and blew a raspberry at him.

"Immature, too," he said, wiping spit off his face (heh. I win).

"Sasuke!" Kakashi interjected. "Since Touka's being immature and can't do anything useful besides scream, you're fighting Haku."

"How do you know that?" I yelled. But I let Sasuke step forward anyway.

It was important that the most of this fight remained the same, you see.

(Sasuke POV)

I stepped forward, as did the masked boy, Haku.

I glared at him, but he had no visible reaction. We started fighting with basic taijutsu, matched pretty evenly (though he had a _slight _advantage-- SLIGHT).

"You're slow," I told him. This was a mistake-- he grabbed my hand and started making hand seals with the other.

One-handed hand seals? There's something I should learn... I'll ask Touka later. Since she's such a Haku fangirl, she probably knows how it works. Heh.

(Touka POV)

_'I wonder if Haku will teach me how to use one-handed seals if I give him more peaches,' _I wonder absent-mindedly, taking a stick of gum out of my kunai holster and starting to chew.

**The gum is important. Remember the gum. It will come back later.**

(Sasuke POV)

Then, the masky guy attacked me with ice needles, which I dodged only very narrowly.

"You could have mentioned that!" I yelled at Touka, who merely blew a bubblegum bubble and grinned.

"Yes, but where's the fun in that?" she said.

I would have retaliated, but I realized suddenly that I was surrounded by mirrors. Made of ice.

"Oh, s--," I murmured.

"Language!" Touka yelled. She has this thing with swearing. _Wuss._

The masky guy raised his hand and hit me with needles, which I quickly threw out.

"Please cease to oppose us," he said. "I don't want to hurt you."

...0.0

(Naruto POV)

Dammit, I was_ late! _

_'Sasuke better not die before he decides how he feels about me. That would be taking the easy way out,'_ I thought, nearing the bridge.

There was Sasuke, trapped in a bunch of mirrors, which all had Haku's picture on them-- wait! That _was_ Haku! Weeeeird.

I threw a bunch of slightly explosive kunai to the floor of the bridge to announce my coming.

...0.0

(Touka POV)

A bunch of annoying, loud explosions (or were they art?) announced the coming of Uzumaki Naruto.

"I'm here!" he announced.

"You know," Zabuza told Kakashi, "Your students are idiots."

Kakashi sighed. "To some degree, yes," he said woefully. "But, they have their good points. Sasuke here was at the top of his class. Touka figured out how to use chakra and imitate Sakura's behavior based off of whatever she saw of her in anime form." (I grinned and waved). "And Naruto... is the village's number one hyperactive unpredictable ninja!"

Naruto bowed.

"Naruto!" I yelled. "I'm stuck guarding the old guy to do your best!"

"Okay-ttebayou!" he yelled back. "But you have to buy me ramen later!"

I smiled softly to myself. _'We'll see..."_

_**'He'll remember. Sooner or later, you'll have to buy him ramen.'**_

___'Or at least, Sasuke will.'_

Inner Sakura chuckled. _**'Good plan.'**_

...0.0

(Sasuke POV)

I rolled my eyes at Naruto's loud, annoying, (adorable) behavior. The masky guy (his name keeps escaping me) kind of shook his head, before reoccupying himself with the act of turning my into a human pincushion.

"Oi, Sasuke!" I heard a whisper in my ear. "I snuck in to help you!"

Naruto was sitting right next to me.

"Dobe," I said, "Sneaking is only good if you're sneaking _out _of a trap. Sneaking into a trap is pointless."

"Oh, give him credit," The masky guy said, "I didn't notice him sneaking in."

Naruto grinned. "Thanks, whoever you are!"

"My name is Haku," the masky guy-- err, Haku-- said tiredly.

"Okay, sure whatever," Naruto said dismissively. "Oi, Sasuke-teme! I've got an idea!"

He grabbed me by the shirt (hehe) and whispered in my ear...

...0.0

(Kakashi POV)

Naruto formed several different shadow clones, them sent them all at Haku's mirrors.

It didn't work. They all poofed away.

THEN, Naruto formed several different shadow clones, them sent them all at Haku's mirrors.

It didn't work. They all poofed away.

THEN, Naruto formed several different shadow clones, them sent them all at Haku's mirrors.

It didn't work. They all poofed away

THEN, Naruto formed several different shadow clones, them sent them all at Haku's mirrors.

It didn't work. They all poofed away.

THEN, Naruto formed several different shadow clones, them sent them all at Haku's mirrors.

It didn't work. They all poofed away.

... Do you get the general idea? As this went on, I considered to telling Zabuza that he'd been right about my students being idiots, but I decided against it for the sake of my pride.

Every time Naruto made another shadow clone, Touka giggled.

"Shouldn't you give him an idea?" I pointed out.

"Don't worry," she said, "Everything will be all right-- I know almost _exacatacally _what I'm doing."

I rolled my eyes. "That's far from promising," I noted.

...0.0

(Touka POV)

Time (like 3 episodes) passed by. Naruto and Sasuke pulled the same stunt, freaking over and over and over (I quote Naruto Abridged: 'if it doesn't work the first 5 million times, why the hell do you think it's gonna work now?' or something like that). Kakashi and Zabuza started fighting, Zabuza put up some mist so it was harder to see.

I stood there in front of Tazuna, making my little stick of gum as malleable as possible.

Then... Sasuke got hit with an abnormally large number of needles.

...0.0

(Naruto POV)

Haku raised his arm and threw in my direction. Sasuke, being the noble stuck-up bastard he is, decided he thought it would be cool to use himself as a human meatsheild against this attack.

The senbon rained down on the teme form all sides. They hit him in the back, on the sides, on the arms, the legs, and the neck. He gasped and slumped over.

"SASUKE!!" I ran to him. "Dammit, Sasuke! Why in hell did you do that?!"

"Naruto..." Sasuke uttered, his breathing becoming shallow, "I wanted... to protect you."

"Why?" I asked, shaking, tears clouding my vision. "Why would you do something like that?"

Sasuke raised his arm slowly to stroke my cheek. "I... figured it out, dobe," he said slowly, his voice growing fainter. "How I feel about you. Naruto, I... _love..._"

And Sasuke spoke no more.

"You..." I turned to Haku. "You... _killed... _him!!"

"I did not wish to," Haku said, "But this is the way of the shinobi. We are merely tools to kill, tools to carry out tasks."

I didn't listen. All I saw was Sasuke, cold on on floor or the unfinished bridge.

"You... _bastard,_" I growled. "I'll KILL YOU!" I began to see red. Energy swirled around me, making red spirals towards the heavens. I charged at one of Haku's mirrors, hitting it with my fist. All of the mirrors shattered, and Haku was sent falling backwards.

His mask fell off, revealing the face of the girl-- I mean, boy-- who I met in the woods the other day.

...0.0

(Touka POV)

May I intercept momentarily to point out that I did not, in any way, interfere with Episode 12 and the pink-yukata'd Hakuness thereof? (though I did get to see him in the smexy pink yukata... / yay)

Okay, just clearing that up. Back to the plot!

...0.0

(Naruto POV)

"You!" I gasped. "It was you all along?"

Haku smiled weakly. "The shinobi art it deception," he reasoned.

I blinked. _'Didn't Touka say something like that the other day when she lied about stealing Kakashi's dessert? ... Ha! Bet she memorized all of Haku's lines or something.'_ "That's just an excuse for lying!" I yelled.

"I did it to protect my precious person..." Haku said, glancing over at Zabuza quickly. "To defend his dreams."

...0.0

(Touka POV)

_'Zabuza you lucky bastard. What do you have that I don't?'_

_'__**Well, for one thing, he has a giant--'**_

_**'**__Inner-chan, don't even go there.'_

_'--__**Cleaver sword. I swear, that thing's just a cheese knife!'**_

_**'**__... I don't think that's what the problem is, Inner.'_

...0.0

(Naruto POV)

"But," Haku continued, "It seems I failed... kill me."

"WHAT?!" I yelled, "Listen, just because you fail one mission doesn't mean you have to DIE!"

Haku lowered his gaze to the ground. "I was born in a village in the snow," he began. "In the Water Country, there are harsh feelings towards those with bloodline limits because of the rebellion during the Great Shinobi War sixteen years ago." (a/n: I made the amount of time it's been since the war up)

"My mother discovered my... inheritance, and she feared for me. She tried to hide it while she could. But, my father... eventually found out. He came home drunk one evening and... killed my mother. He would have killed me, too, but my bloodline..." he shuddered. "Protected me. The entire house was ripped apart by huge spikes of ice that killed my father."

"After that, I couldn't stay in that town for fear of them finding out about me and finishing what my father had started. And, for a few years after that, I was... alone in the streets until Zabuza found me. He taught me everything he knew, and then some. He's my precious person-- the reason I become strong."

Haku's gaze lowered to the ground. "But if I can't protect him from one little gennin, then he's better off without me. I am useless."

"But..." I said, "How does that give me a reason to just kill you like that!!"

Haku smiled sadly. "Sasuke-san... was one of your precious people, wasn't he Naruto-kun? Avenge him."

...0.0

(Touka POV)

I tensed. Here was the point at which I had to act.

...0.0

(Kakashi POV)

Meanwhile, I had Zabuza secured to the ground by my nin-dogs, and chidori was charged. I ran at Zabuza...

...0.0

(Haku POV)

Naruto-kun's fist was about to hit me, ending my shame, when I noticed Zabuza-san's predicament. I grabbed his fist to block it from hitting.

"Sorry Naruto-kun," I said, "But I can't die just yet!"

...0.0

(Kakashi POV)

A few seconds before I hit Zabuza, his little masked minion formed a hand-sign and disappeared.

I knew what he was going to do-- kill himself to save his master, who in fact I would just kill later. But, I was running at full speed and couldn't stop in time to prevent myself from killing him. Oh well...

But, just as I was about to hit whoever I would have ended up hitting, something knocked my lightning-covered fist to the side, so it didn't hit anybody besides themself-- a blur that grabbed Haku as it whizzed past me.

The blur hit its back on the rails, panting considerably and bleeding profusely from the shoulder.

It was Touka. She gently set Haku, who looked more than a little shocked, on the ground, and sank down.

"Gatou doesn't intend to pay either of you," she breathed, "So don't die. That's a helluva waste of ninja, and I don't like it when people die pointlessly."

She turned her head towards Naruto. "And Sasuke-kun isn't dead," Touka added, grinning, "He'll wake up a few minutes or so after Gatou shows up with his cronies to see how Zabuza's done killing Tazuna, which he won't have. And he'll send the cronies after Zabuza..."

"And Haku," Zabuza pointed out.

"Yeah, Haku-kun too," Touka laughed, "But I kinda had the feeling that I was the only one who cared."

Zabuza glared at her. "Haku is like a son to me," he growled.

Touka blinked. "Yes, but in the original you didn't seem to realize this until after he died."

Zabuza shook his head. "Unfortunately, I can believe that."

"Yeah, that's coz..." Touka shrugged. "Nevermind, I have a feeling it would be a pretty bad idea to insult the Demon of the Mist."

Zabuza smirked (or at least his eyes made it look like he was). "If Gatou isn't here in five minutes, I'm not going to believe you."

"That won't be necessary," said a voice from behind me. "As I am already here."

...0.0

(Touka POV)

I whirled around (clutching my wounded shoulder) to see a small man with spiky light brown hair and ugly sunglasses.

"Gatou," I hissed. "Why don't you do us all a favor and crawl back into the whole you came from?"

"You wound me," he said sarcastically. "What did I ever do to you?"

"It's not so much as what you would've done to me..." I said, "...It's your blatant lack of respect for the dead or wounded that disgusts me. Not to mention the fact that you sell drugs. Have you any idea what drugs can do to a person's life? Because of you, a whole lot of people will have to go into rehab, which I've been told isn't fun."

"What kind of friends did you keep back home?" Kakashi wondered.

I shrugged. "My cousin used to smoke."

There was an awkward silence (so a gay baby was born) until one of Gatou's cronies spoke up.

"So," he asked his employer, "Can we kill them now?"

Gatou waved a hand vaguely in our direction. "Yes, by all means. Particularly the orange-haired girl. She pisses me off."

The thugs all charged in our direction, and Haku predictably went right to Zabuza's side, where the two were killing like there was no tomorrow.

"I wanna help!" Naruto said loudly, forming the seal of the ram. "Kagebunshin no jutsu!"

Kakashi nodded, and formed the same seal himself. "Kagebunshin no jutsu: Kakashi style!"

The thugs all stopped in their tracks-- all the ones after them. There were still some after me, though.

Smiling grimly, I spit my gum at them and formed a hand seal carefully (it was hard to move one of my arms thanks to Kakashi-sensei's chodori).

Reaching into the chakra in my wad of gum with my mind, I yelled, "KATSU!"

Need I say the gum exploded? (... I hope Deidara doesn't find out about this. If he knew that I was copying him, he'd probably kill me.)

The explosion hit a couple people, didn't do too much damage, but it scared most of the thugs away.

The rest were chased off by some of Naruto's kagebunshin.

Satisfied with my day's work, I closed my eyes fell asleep, feeling myself slide to the ground once more.

...0.0

(Sasuke POV)

At first, everything was black. Then, I felt something hard under my back-- I was still on the bridge. I opened my eyes and sat up slowly...

I was still stuck full of needles. Slowly, I pulled them out, one by one, while watching some of Naruto's kagebunshin chase some random, large, muscle-bound men around. What the hell happened while I was out?

Eventually, the men all disappeared off onto some ship docked near the bridge, and Zabuza pushed some short guy with Shino-like glasses into the ocean, and Naruto put the shadow clones away. Which I found relieving, since this meant I knew which one was real.

I just stood there until Naruto realized that I was, in fact, standing there.

"S-Sasuke?!" he yelled. "I thought you were dead!"

"So did I," I reasoned.

"But..." Naruto's eyes misted over. "You're... you're not."

"No, Naruto," I said softly, "I'm not."

I walked over to him and gently wrapped my arms around him. "I'm right here."

A tear traveled down Naruto's cheek, and we stayed like that for about five minutes before someone interrupted our moment.

"So!" Kakashi said, the expression of his one visible eye implying a smile, "Who's going to carry Touka-chan back to the house?"

I blinked, and then noticed that Touka was asleep on the ground, with a gigantic wound on her shoulder that was bleeding profusely.

_Dang. How could I have missed that?_

...0.0

(Touka POV)

When I woke up, I was in the guest room at Gat-- I mean Tazuna's house (why do I keep confusing those two?). Sunlight was floating through the window (implying either dawn or dusk), there was a massive bandage on my shoulder, and I was wearing the same filthy clothes I had been wearing before (which was alright, since I don't want Kakashi-sensei undressing me).

The next thing I notice was a person sitting in a chair, reading a book. This person had pale skin, dark blue hair that hung in there face, and was ignoring me completely-- there was only one person it could be.

"KURO-CHAAAAAAAAAN!" I squealed, death-glomping the person despite the fact that I was considerably wounded.

"Huh?" the voice mumbled, "What?!"

"Kuro-chan!" I laughed, hugging the person tighter, "I missed you _so much! _ How'd you get here? How is everyone back home? Has my sister become emo yet? Does my brother want to kill me because I left? I'm _so glad_ I get to see you again and before you ask I didn't r--"

"Touka?" The person said, "I'm Sasuke."

"...Oops." I froze, then slowly let the avenger out of my grasp. "Sorry?"

"Yeah, okay," he said, waving his hand vaguely.

_'He looks really gay-- oh yeah hey that reminds me!'_

"So!" I said cheerfully, grinning as annoyingly as I could, "Did you make up with Naruto yet?"

"I... I think so," he said. "He hugged me, that must mean something. Right now, he's in the sitting room with Haku and Zabuza talking about something or other."

I blinked. "Have you even _talked _to him yet?"

"A little..." he said. "Who's Kuro-chan!"

"One of my very best friends back home!" I said. "I've been friends with her since we were six. She's the one who showed me this series! If it weren't for Kuro-chan I wouldn't have a clue in hell what was going on around here."

"Oh-kaaay..." Sasuke said, "Now why did you think I was her?"

"Because you look like her and because whenever I broke and arm I'd wake up the next morning and Kuro-chan would be there reading a book so she could ask me--" I formed a hand sign and made a floating head of Kuro-chan appear.

It smirked and said, "So, klutz, what happened this time?"

Sasuke's left eyeball started twitching. "She really does look... and sound... like me..."

"I know, right?" I giggled. "She sometimes acts like you too-- _Hey klutz get a move on you're dragging the whole class behind. Hurry up stupid I have asthma and I'm ahead of you. Touka you IDIOT don't mix those two chemicals!_"

"_Did you_ mix the chemicals?" asked a voice form the doorway.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei," I said casually, "And yeah, I did. Sent purple gook flying everywhere-- I could only get it out my hair by cutting it short, hmmm?"

"Ouch," the grey-haired slacker-sensei acknowledged. "Well... Sasuke, I suppose if you want you can go back to Naruto now you can, if Touka's awake."

"Thank you," said Sasuke, "I think I will."

...0.0

(Zabuza POV)

Within a couple of weeks, Tazuna had finished the bridge-- if anyone else tried to attack him, I killed them because I'd been offered room and board. I guess I'm kind of an unofficial bodyguard or something now.

Haku'd been making himself scarce, though, since Touka got her arm healed-- he'd go walking with her in the forest or some other mushy crap like that. He's got it so bad...

When the bridge was finally finished, though, I was able to find him on the edge of the forest, staring mutely after the gennin team as they left for Konoha. His face was pale, except for a stain across his cheeks, and the hand that was covering his mouth.

"What's eating you?" I asked casually.

Haku closed his eyes for a minute, then took a deep breath.

"She kissed me," he said.

I blinked. "... Ah."

"... And I'll probably never see her again," Haku sighed, looking down.

I smirked under my bandages. "Aren't the Chuunin Exams in Konoha this year...?"

...0.0

...0.0

...0.0

Me: yaaaaay! I finished the wave arc!

Kuro-chan: Hey guys! remember me? When Touka comes back, she'll find out I'm in Konoha!

Sasuke: Which reminds me. What were you going to tell me you didn't do?

Kuro-chan: did it start with an 'r'

Sasuke: ... yes?

Touka: lol we're not gonna tell him are we?

Kuro-chan: nope.

Kankurou: hey guys! I'm in the next chapter right?

Touka: yup! next time-- KURO AND GAARA AND CHUUNIN EXAMS (oh my)! Keep reading!


	11. New Enemies! Enter the OH HEY NICE HAT!

Me: yaaay another chappy! And it's a long one :D

kuro: dammit go work on your other fics.

me: o.O ... anyway, I don't own Naruto.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

(Naruto POV)

"Psst," I whispered, leaning over in the boat, "Sasuke-tebayou!"

"What?" Sasuke whispered back.

"Do you think something's wrong with Touka-chan?"

Sasuke smirked. "You mean more than usual?"

"Yes, actually dattebayou. She's being... _quiet._"

Touka-chan hadn't said anything since we left Wave, just giggled and scribbled some things down in her notebook.

"I think it's an improvement," Sasuke noted, "But I worry about what she might be writing."

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(Kakashi POV)

What the hell was with Touka? On the way over she was teaching Sasuke that 'ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall' song, and loudly too might I add. Now, she just sat on the deck with her notebook, smiling and giggling to herself.

Curiously, I leaned my head over to see what she was writing. The page she was working on was titled, _'Chuunin Exams-- Brainstorm.'_

_'hmmm...' _she wrote, _'well, first off is the problem with Orochimaru. ...wait. I bet if he figures out that switching me was a bad idea, he'll send me home. If it was Orochimaru who switched me in the first place. I didn't see his face-- it sure as hell sounded like him._

_'At any rate, I better work on that henge seal if I'm going to be Touka for the exams (or am I? Kakashi might make me be Sakura) so it doesn't drain my chakra as much... oh well, at least it holds the henge when I faint. Now I can be me 24-7!'_

Aha. So that was why she still looked like herself when she fainted on the bridge.

"What seal?" I asked her.

Touka looked up at me and grinned, then pulled a little piece of paper out of her sleeve. There was a symbol on it that looked a little like the seal for 'repress,' but it was a little more ornate and had swirls around it.

"It holds my henge so I am always myself... err... my eleven-year-old self. I have no idea what I look like now." She gazed off into the distance. "...Wonder what Sakura's done to my hair... did she cut it to keep it at the original length or is it longer now?"

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(Sakura POV)

"It is, and I stopped dying it," I giggled, stocking my tongue out at the computer screen (I check up on my body using Youtube xD).

Kei, who was sitting next to me, stared. "You mean... you didn't bleach it? Touka-sempai was blonde the whole time?"

I nodded. "She's been dying it orange since she was little- something about not wanting to be mistaken for someone."

"Who?" Kei asked.

I shrugged. "No clue."

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(Sasuke POV)

Touka eventually started talking again, which was a shame, since she'd been absolutely silent for almost two whole hours. ...Oh well. You can't have everything. And since I have Naruto now, I'm okay with that.

For now.

Because I do plan on killing my brother eventually.

I haven't given up or anything...

"Sasuke!" Naruto poked me in the arm, waking me up from my inner rantings.

I smirked. "What is it, dobe?"

Naruto blushed. "Don't call me that. And, I was... wondering..."

"Yes?"

"If..." Naruto looked away, to hide the level of redness his face had now attained. "If you meant what you said on the bridge before you-- before we all thought you'd died!"

I blinked. He wanted to know if I meant it when I said I loved him? I'm not that guy Raito in the anime Touka was telling us about the other day-- when I say stuff like that, I mean it.

"I meant it," I said, as if it was nothing at all (believe me, I sometimes scare myself with own casualness) even though, in reality, it was one of the most important things I had ever said.

"You meant it?" Naruto asked, eyes disbelieving (obviously he couldn't believe his good luck). "You love me?"

"Yes," I said, more serious this time. "I... I love you."

Naruto smiled.

"Well then, teme. Right back atcha, dattebayou."

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(Kuro-chan POV-- remember her?)

"Are you sure they'll be here soon?" Kiba yawned.

I glared. "Cover your mouth, retard, or you'll swallow a bug."

"No he won't," Shino said methodically. "If any bugs get within that fleabag's vicinity, I'll warn them of the danger before his big mouth eats them up."

"Wow," I said, "I think that's the most I've ever heard you say at the same time."

Shino frowned.

"HEY!" Kiba yelled. "I THINK I HEAR VOICES!"

"You always hear voices," I pointed out.

Kiba smirked self-importantly. "Yeah, because my hearing's better than yours!"

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever... hey, I hear them too!"

And I did-- there were three voices singing something that sounded like this:

_A doggie stole a sausage when he was underfed_

_The butcher saw him take it and now poor doggie's dead_

_And all the little doggies_

_They gathered there that night_

_They built a little tombstone_

_And on it they did write:_

_A doggie stole a sausage, when he was underfed..._

I think you know how it goes from then on. It repeats in a loop, like the Song that Never Ends (or, when Touka sings it, Pop Goes the Weasel, since she only knows the chorus, and sings it over and over... oh god she better not have taught that one to Sasuke).

I smirked. "They're coming. Touka used to sing that song to annoy her parents."

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(Touka POV)

"So, you weren't lying," Sasuke noted, slinging his arm around Naruto's shoulders, "You really do know two other songs that loop besides the Song that Never Ends."

I giggled. "Actually, I forgot about the last one. I'll teach it to you when we have more time, though-- I think I see Kiba and Friends running at us. _Hina-chaaaaaaan!_"

I laughed and ran at HInata, preparing to running-glomp her, when Kiba grabs my arm to stop me.

"That's not Hinata," he chuckled."

I furrowed my brows. "Who is it then?"

'Hinata' smirked. "Figure it out, stupid."

I stared. "... Hint?"

"I'm someone you know," she said, byakugan eyes gleaming, "From since you were very small."

"Hmmm..." I said closing my eyes to think. "Are you my friend then, or just a classmate?"

"I think I'm your friend," she sighed, shaking her head.

I grinned. "So I can hug you!" I ran at the person and gave her a _**BIG**_ hug.

You see, I hug pretty much all of my friends at some time or other, and they all react differently. Banshou-chan, for instance, grabs my arm and says something about her rights listed in he Second Amendment, or tells me she 'has a hug.' Daidaiiro freezes and stares into space, and more often than not informs me to never, ever hug him again. Kon-chan would hit me. HARD. And so on.

This person's reaction was to stand there still for a few seconds.

And then...

"It burns," she announced, and I hugged her harder.

"KURO-CHAAAAAAAAN!" I squealed. "Oh I missed you soooooooo much! How is everyone back home?"

"Well, without your klutziness to laugh at they've gotten kind of bored," my friend said, smirking.

I grinned. "That expression looks really creepy on Hinata."

"Thanks," Kuro-chan said, "I practiced in the mirror."

"Couldn't you just henge into yourself?" I pointed out. "Obviously, that's what I did."

Kuro-chan rolled her eyes. "Yes, because I _totally _want to be death-glomped by Ino," she said sarcastically. "If_ Sakura_ thought I was Sasuke, then Ino _definitely _will."

I laughed. "Sakura thought you were Sasuke?"

Kuro-chan sighed. "Such a rabid fangirl... oh well. I've improved her..."

"Have you?" I asked, curiously. "How so?"

"Well... when she read a certain part of the manga, she kinda went emo. So, I showed her some good SasuNaru yaoi and she cheered up!"

"YES!" I yelled, "Good girl!"

"What's with the scar?" Kuro-chan asked suddenly, poking my chidori-attacked shoulder (it has healed but there was still a mark).

"Oh, this?" I laughed. "I got it on the bridge."

Kuro-chan smirked. "Speaking of the bridge and the people who were on it, did you r-"

"NO I DID NOT!" I yelled, blushing.

"... But I did kiss him," I mumbled, "Right before I left."

"Huh?" Naruto asked. "I don't get it. What did you mean by r-...?"

I rolled my eyes. "Kuro-chan wanted to know if I raped Haku."

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(Sasuke POV)

"Kuro-chan wanted to know if I raped Haku," Touka said casually, as if this was a normal question.

I felt Naruto tense under the arm I had draped across his shoulders.

"R-rape?!" he whispered, eyes wide.

Touka blinked, then giggled. "Oh, right, sorry. I forgot." She turned to Kuro.

"Since ninjas deal with stuff like rape and murder on a regular basis, they don't really get jokes about it, usually. Generally, they find it pretty damn disgusting. So, until we get home, no rape jokes, okay?"

"Get home?" Kuro laughed. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

Touka smirked. "When you got switched, Kuro-chan, did you hear a voice?"

"Yeah..." Kuro laughed. "It sounded like Orochimaru."

"I know!" Touka said, grinning. "And what if it _is _Orochimaru? We know of his plans, so there's no good for him if we stay here. He's better off if these bodies contain Sakura and Hina-chan than if we are-- especially if we make it look like they don't know either." She let go of Kuro (who she'd been hugging since she first latched onto her) and giggled.

"We'll be torturing Chibi-Akachan once more!"

Kuro smirked now. "Good-- it's harder to hug him without your brute force to help."

Kakashi coughed. "Em-_hem,_" he said, "I think it's time we took Touka to see the Hokage. If Kuro-san's been switched too, she should probably come as well."

"C'mon Kuro-chan!" Touka said, grabbed Kuro by the wrist. "Let's get this over-with so we can do something else!"

"Like eat yogurt?" Kuro teased. Touka laughed.

"Well, I'm gonna eat yogurt. You can have something else."

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(Touka POV)

"So... let me get this straight," The Sandaime Hokage (-sama) said, scratching his chin. "You're originally from an alternate dimension where we're all manga characters?"

"Yup!" I said. "Pretty much."

Sarutobi thought a moment. "Well, then..." he said, "I believe you."

"Ehhh?" I gasped. "You believe us just like that?"

The old man shrugged. "I've heard stories of another world before. In fact, Sasuke's aunt Fuyumi was particularly fond of them."

"To bad we can't ask her," Sasuke said through his teeth, "I bet that would have helped considerably."

"Actually," Kuro-chan noted, "I've met her. So has Touka."

"WHAAAAAAT?!" yelled everyone in the room, staring at Kuro-chan, who grinned and gave a peace sign.

"It's true," she said, "Fuyumi loved those stories... she _believed _in them. So much, in fact, that she set about making a jutsu to get there."

"Did it work?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, it did," Kuro-chan said, "And, in fact, if it didn't, I wouldn't be here."

My eyes widened so much that they began to water. "Kuro-chan... how?"

"She appeared in the middle of Japan," my friend the Sasuke-look-alike continued, "And met someone who occasionally _saw _the things happening here. A starving manga artist named-"

"Masashi Kishimoto," I breathed, "The manga-ka who drew 'Naruto'!"

Kuro-chan nodded. "Fuyumi stayed with him and his family until she could stay on her feet by herself."

"Why didn't she come home?" Sasuke asked. "From what I hear everyone assumed she _drowned!_"

"Oh, she tried to, but she could never figure out how to do the jutsu again. Eventually, she gave up, especially after she met someone who'd come to Japan on business-- a man named Oumagotoki."

I blinked. "But isn't that--"

"Shh!" Kuro-chan said. "I'm getting there. When Oumagatoki left for a country called America... Fuyumi followed him."

"I KNOW THIS STORY!" I yelled suddenly.

Kuro-chan rolled her eyes. "Finally! You tell the rest, I'm too lazy."

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(Sasuke POV)

"Well..." Touka said slowly. "I don't know everything, but..." she giggled.

"Eventually, Oumagotoki married Fuyumi and moved to a little town called Springfield. They had two sons, who were above average in both physical and mental capabilities, and one daughter, who would grow up to be one of the most kickass people with asthma you ever will meet."

"Her name is Oumagatoki Kuroko," Kuro said, "In the middle kindergarten, a new kid moved in whose hair was--"

"That part isn't important," Touka interrupted. "Pretty much, I moved in and she helped me with something. Now we're friends."

"And Masashi Kishimoto, apparently, sees not only into this dimension but the future too," Kuro continued, "And wrote a manga about it called 'Naruto.' It covers things that happen here until up to about three years from now. When Fuyuki told Kuroko about it, she read it."

"And how do you know all this?" I asked slowly. _I have family that's still alive? And not named Itachi?_

"Because I'm Kuroko," Kuro (Kuroko) said. "Fuyumi is my mother."

"She's Sasuke's cousin," Touka added to herself... "Wow. That explains a lot."

I wasn't exactly paying attention. I was busy staring at Kuroko. "You're... were... cousins?" I gasped.

Kuroko nodded smugly. "Yup. In fact, if Hinata's been training in my body she might have unlocked sharingan."

"Cousins..." I said. "I have living cousins."

I slumped to the floor. "That means Itachi hasn't killed us all."

Kuroko blinked. "Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess he hasn't."

"Still gonna kill him though," I said breathlessly. "You wanna help?"

Touka raised her hand. "Do you think he's got sensitive hearing?"

Kuroko, _my cousin _(sorry, still a bit shocked here) rolled her eyes. "Touka, when it comes to you all people have sensitive hearing."

"So, if I were to, say, put chakra into a scream while Itachi was nearby, around the timeline of, say, Episode 92, would he fall over unconscious like the demon brothers and everyone else who was present did?"

Kuroko blinked, then smirked.

"There goes half the plot of Shippuuden," she muttered.

She and Touka both laughed.

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(Naruto POV)

A month passed, and nothing that was too important happened. ... Except the time Hyuuga Neji's shampoo bottle exploded. He suspected Touka, but I'm pretty sure Sasuke's cousin has something to do with it. It'd be easy for her to get into the bathroom Neji uses or whatever. After all, she's in Hinata's body, right?

I've only actually seen what that girl _really _looks like once. She looks so much like Sasuke, it's scary. Thankfully, she doesn't want to get mistaken for him, or I'd be scared. One Sasuke is enough. Imagine if there were two!

Speaking of Sasuke... heheh. We're 'officially' dating now. Every day after practice, he grabs me by the hand and takes me... somewhere. Sometimes it's Ichiraku Ramen, sometimes it's another training ground. It doesn't matter where we go as long as we're together.

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(Touka POV)

"Where is Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto whined. "We've been waiting half an hour longer than usual!"

"Oh, give him a break," I laughed. "Icha Icha Violence, the latest installment in the series, just came out. If it were me, I'd pretend to be sick."

"Didn't you say you felt dirty after reading the first one?" Sasuke pointed out. "Who would you want to read the second one?"

"Because it's the only good book series in the whole damn dimension!" I whined. "You guys are great ninja and your techniques kick ass, but as far as music and literature go you all pretty much FAIL!" I hung my head.

"So?" Sasuke asked. "There are more things to life than tunes and printed words."

"Maybe if you read a GOOD book you'd get it!" I yelled, before becoming depressed again. "I want my Beatles music..."

"If you want your music so badly then sing it or something," Sasuke said rolling his eyes.

"Or you could do that thing you did the day I got my hitai-ate!" Naruto suggested. "The genjutsu thingy!"

"Oh..." I said. "Right... I knew that!"

I formed a hand sign, and was about to think of a song to play, when Kakashi appeared.

"Yo!" he said. "Let's go get our missions!"

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(Sasuke POV)

That day, we pulled weeds (Naruto pulled up flowers too), walked dogs (Touka took the biggest one but she says in the original series, Naruto did and he was ragged through a field of land mines) and we cleaned the river-- Naruto almost fell over the waterfall.

Thankfully for me (and Naruto too), I jumped down and caught him from a branch hanging next to said cascading body of water. Then, I picked him up and jumped to safety.

I smirked. "You know the deal," I said. If I save Naruto's life, he has to kiss me.

Naruto glared.

"I hate you," he decided. The dobe got on his tiptoes, out his arms around my neck, and I brought my lips to his.

One word: heh.

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(Touka POV)

After Naruto spent the day being saved by Sasuke (I took pictures for Kuro-chan), eventually we got off the hook for the day and went our separate ways.

"I'm gonna get a yogurt!" I called, walking roughly in the direction of... the best entrance in the history of the entire manga or anime.

"Wait for me!" Naruto called. "Sasuke, you coming?"

"I'll catch up," Sasuke called. Naruto shrugged and I grabbed the hem of his sleeve and dragged him down that destined path (_pleeeeeease_ don't tell Neji I used the 'D' word).

"Naruto-oniichan!" Konohamaru called, dragging his friends behind him. "Wanna play ninja?"

"I already am a ninja," Naruto huffed. "Why would I play ninja?"

I grinned. "You guys should play cowboys and aliens instead!"

"What a cowboy?" Konohamaru asked.

Udon looked confused. "And what's an alien?"

Moegi nodded. "And why is Touka-neechan always with Naruto-oniichan when we run into him?"

"Because if Sasuke's not there then I have to be the one to save his ass," I told her sweetly.

Moegi gasped. "T-Touka-neechan! That's a bad word?"

I rolled my eyes. "So?"

"Won't your mom get mad at you if she finds out?"

I laughed. "Moegi-chan, I assure you, that won't be a problem. If she saw me she'd be too happy to see me to care that I said 'ass' to a little kid like you."

Moegi stuck out her tongue. "C'mon guys let's go! Touka-neechan's a big dummy!" She ran away from us.

I took a deep breath and waited.

Soon...

Soon...

Soooooon...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LEGGOA'ME! LEGGOA'ME!"

There we go.

Naruto, the two annoying little boys and I ran around the corner to find that a guy in a catsuit was holding up Moegi by the scruff of her neck.

"I should crush a little sh-- like you," he hissed.

I gasped. "Omigosh I love your hat!"

"Thank you," he said genially, still choking the eight-year-old girl. "I had it specially tailored for the outfit."

"I figured as much," I replied, just as politely, "Now put the little girl down before I cry rape."

He laughed, not believing me. "You wouldn't do something like that, would you? Not if you knew who you were talking to. _I'm_ the son of the Kazekage."

I blinked. "Does that mean you're allowed to harass small children?"

He grinned. "To some extent, yes."

"Well, that doesn't seem right," I said. "Why does what family a person was born into have to do with human ethics? I person shouldn't be given different treatment for something that isn't their fault."

Kankurou (because that's obviously who it is), slowly put the little girl down. "I suppose you're right," he said, "All the kid did was bump into me after all." he frowned. "But some people, you know, whether or not the situation is their fault, should be avoided anyway."

"Hmmm..." I said, "I can see where you're coming from there. A situation can change how a person views the world, and change their personality for the worse, right?"

Kankurou nodded.

I grinned. "But sometimes a person is alienated when they shouldn't be, you know? I'm sure you've been alone before when you wished you had someone to talk to, right?"

The cat-boy grinned. "Yeah. I hate the feeling that I get when it's like that."

"Good," I said. "Now, I want you to imagine you felt like that _every day_. All the time. You have no friends, even your own family avoids you. Those who come close to you only do it so they can later betray you. You've been labeled 'freak' and you feel that's never going to change."

"That would suck," Kankurou said appreciatively.

"KANKUROU!! There you are!" A girl with blonde hair in four pigtails bounded up to meet my confidant. She noticed that Naruto and I, then glared at him.

"You haven't been causing trouble, have you? You know you shouldn't pick on kids. It looks bad on your record."

"Oh, hey, it's Temari," I noted.

Temari started. "How'd you know my name?"

I shrugged. "I know things... I know your name, I know your village, I know why you'll say you're here and what some of your jutsu are. I also know why you're _really _here so if I were you I wouldn't piss me off or I'll report you."

"And who are _you?_" Temari glared.

"No one of consequence," I said. "In this part of the story no one _is_ of consequence because there won't be any fighting for a day or two."

"Oh, really?" She said, reaching over to grab ahold of her fan.

A rock hit the ground near Temari's feet.

"Step away from my teammates," said Sasuke, who was sitting in a nearby tree. He clenched his first and dust poured out.

"Woah," I said, "Did you just crush a rock with your bare hands?"

"Nah," Sasuke said, "It was a dirt clod."

"Oh," I said, "Well, that seems less cool." (Inner Sakura was, by now, literally rolling around in the floor of my mind, laughing at the references to Naruto Abridged).

"So it seems he's all talk and no walk," Kankurou sneered.

Sasuke smirked evilly. "Wanna bet?"

"_Temari, Kankurou, stop it. We don't want to cause unnecessary trouble._"

And there was a red-haired psychopath, standing _randomly _in a tree _upside-down_, glaring at Temari and Kankurou.

I started laughing.

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(Gaara POV-- _finally. _Have you any idea how long I've wanted to type this scene?)

"Why do you laugh?" I asked the orange-haired girl, glaring.

"Dude!" she said, "BEST ENTRANCE EVER! You were all just-- standing there-- upside down-- in a _tree_-- AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I felt one of my sleepless eyes start twitching. Using one of my sand techniques, I appeared on the street below.

"So... you think I'm _funny?_" I hissed, taking a step towards her.

She nodded, still giggling. "Your entrances are the best."

"If you know who they are..." I jerked my thumb at the two imbeciles known as my teammates, "Then do you know who I am?"

"Yup! You're Sabaku no Gaara-san, right?" She smiled and held out her hand. "Nice to meet you!"

I didn't shake hands with her. I only deepened my glare.

In the background, I heard Temari whisper to Kankurou: "If she knows who Gaara is, then how does she find him funny? And how does she know these things anyway?"

"I can hear you, Temari-san," the girl called, looking over my shoulder. "And I know because..." she thought for a moment.

The guy in the tree smirked. "Here's an analogy: if this were all an anime, she would be the character who came from a place where it _was _an anime. The one who knew what was going to happen because she saw the episode at least three times."

The girl huffed. "Well, I've only seen _this_ episode twice!"

"You mean this _is _an anime?" Kankurou gasped.

The strange girl just giggled. "Sort of," she said, "At any rate, that's what I know it as. And why I know these things. And why I haven't attacked any of you... it's just not worth it."

"Why?" the blonde boy in the orange jumpsuit (note to self: kill later) asked loudly. "Are they that weak?"

"AHAHAHA!" The girl collapsed into another laughing fit. After a moment, she stood back up and said, "No, they're just too unbelievably kickass. Just because I threw myself in front of that chidori doesn't mean I'm suicidal. Gaara-san'd kill me in three seconds flat-- wait two seconds. Right, Gaara-san?"

I continued glaring, but nodded.

_'What a smart girl. Maybe I won't kill her after all,'_ I thought to myself. I turned and began to walk away.

"WAIT!" yelled the guy who had been in the tree (who was now on the ground). "Who are you?"

Temari turned around. "Who, me?" she asked in what she probably considered a flirtatious tone.

"No, not you," the guy said, rolling his eyes. "And besides, I'm gay anyway. I was asking the guy with the gourd on his back."

"My name is Sabaku no Gaara." I stopped walking to face him. "And what is _your _name?"

He smirked. "Uchiha Sasuke."

Kankurou faced the girl with orange hair. "And you...?"

She giggled. "They call me Touka!"

Kankurou frowned. "But what's your _name_."

"It's Touka!"

"But, then why did you say, _they call me _Touka?"

Touka giggled. "Because that's what they _call _me. It's my _name. _Or, if you want to be formal, my last name's Yaezaki. ...Hey, what is _your _last name? It's never covered."

"We don't have last names in Suna," Temari said, rolling her eyes. "Just titles sometimes. How stupid are you?"

"Pretty stupid," Touka said. "Just goes to show-- you can't have everything."

"What, like you think you have looks too?"

Touka shook her head. "I'm average-looking-- but I'm tall and my fingernails aren't filthy, so that's okay. And aren't you supposed to be the_ nice _one of the three?"

Temari flipped Touka the middle finger and stomped off.

Touka just giggled. "Oh, my. It seems I've made an enemy. Good thing I won't have to fight her... oh, well. _Oh bla dee, oh bla da, life goes--_"

"Stop singing," the one called Sasuke snapped. "And why are they here anyway?"

"Kakashi-sensei'll tell you later. In the meantime, I still haven't bought that yogurt."

She walked past Kankurou and I, waving. "Nice meeting you two! And good luck."

Sasuke sighed. "I really wish she'd tell us more about these things," he said.

Touka stopped and yelled back, "WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT?"

o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

(Naruto POV)

"Chuunin Exams?!" I yelled. "Really?"

Kakashi-sensei blinked. _"Really," _he said. "Here, take these papers. You'll need 'em." He disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"OH, YEAH!" I yelled, jumping up. "I'm gonna pass these exams and become a Chuunin! And, form there, the path to Hokage will be clear dattebayou!"

"Well..." Touka laughed. "I don't think that's how it works." She ran a finger through a strand of her hair, glared at it, and continued. "But it can't hurt to make a good impression."

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(ROCK LEE POV)

(OH HELL YES)

"I heard that Kakashi's team is entering this year," Tenten-san remarked, tossing a kunai at the target above Neji-kun's head. "That Uzumaki kid, the famous Uchiha Sasuke, and--"

"The bitch who blew up my shampoo bottle," Neji hissed, glaring at nothing in particular.

"NEJI-KUN!" I gasped. "Your method of language is most shockingly unyouthful! My sparring partner is _nothing_ like a female dog!"

Tenten smirked. "Did you just call Touka-chan masculine?"

"No!" I said. "Touka-san is a feminine, youthful flower on the great tree of life! But she is nothing like a dog. I distinctly remember her telling me she is a cat person."

"Oh, Lee..." Tenten shook her head. "You just don't get it, do you?"

I blinked in a moment of unyouthful ignorance. "Get what, Tenten-san?"

Neji rolled his eyes. "Once an idiot, always an idiot... but one thing is certain."

Tenten nodded. "The Chuunin Exams are sure going to be _interesting,_ aren't they?"

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Sasuke: You forsook going to your little brother's play... to finish _that?_

Me: What? I saw the play two nights ago. Nevermind that the rest of my family went to see it again. I wanted to finish a chapter today!

Kankurou: Do you really think my hat is awesome or were you just trying get on my good side?

Me: Dude, I have a cat-ears hat myself. Here, look-- (pulls out _Digi-Charat_'s Dejiko-chan hat) see?

Kankurou: ...woah.

Gaara: Why did you make me sound like Santa Claus?

Me: I DID NOT!

Gaara: I quote-- 'and what is _your _name?'

Me: Oh... heheh. ...ANYWAY, something has been called to my attention! I need more YAOI in this, so please tell me what I should do with these (male) characters:

Kabuto

Orochimaru

Zaku

Dosu

Kankurou

Actually, I might pair Kankurou with Kin,but still. Should I give Kabuto some fangirl crush on Orochimaru or what? And of course Orochimaru wants Sasuke-kun...

Might put Zaku and Dosu together, but I don't know their personalities so that'll be hard.

On the subject of Zabuza... should I pair him with Kisame-san? Or Hayate? (yes, THAT Hayate. The one who dances Numa Numa in the Ultimate Naruto Fanflashes.)

Of course, we've got KakaIru, SasuNaru, SasoDei, and KakuHida. But the rest of the Akatsuki... particularly Kisame, since I have this thing with KisaIta-- I just don't like it.

...Hmm. ShinoKiba or KibaHina? (yecch I don't like Shino. Maybe I'll pair him with Neji.)

But I can't don't do anything with Lee or Gaara TTTT my friends the Gaara and Lee fangirls would kill me, very slowly... with their teeth (at least in the case of the Gaara fangirl, who is otherwise known as Stephy-chan). And the same goes for Haku-- Sorry. I just CAN'T DO THAT!

And as for the Sound Five-- who should die and who should be saved? I might save Tayuya 'cuz she's a girl (and we girls should stick up for each other), and Kimimaro since he's pretty... pretty... umm, just pretty. Plus I feel bad for him and stuff...

Well, my long end-of-chapter rant is over. I release you!


	12. English, Kabuto, and MistNin

sasuke: OH MY LUCKY STARS!

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(Touka POV)

Me, Sasuke, and Naruto approached the Ninja Academy, to take the first part of the Chuunin Exams. I was, as usual, henge'd into myself-- the Third Hokage had registered me, the real me, as a ninja of Konoha, so I didn't have to pretend to be Sakura anymore. The news of my... switch was still getting around. Not everybody knew as of yet.

"You guys _sure _about this?" I asked for the umpteenth time. "These exams are pretty dangerous--"

"Are we going to die?" Sasuke asked.

I blinked. "Well, you didn't in the original even though Sakura did very little, and I'm actually useful, so--"

"Then what's the problem?" The avenger asked.

I smacked myself in the forehead. "Oh, fine. It's your business..."

Naruto grinned teasingly. "If you don't want to participate, Touka, then--"

"No_, I'll_ be okay! Nothing important happens to Sakura here except for a bad haircut. You guys well, you'll both come out a alive and you won't break any bones or anything..."

"Then what's the problem?" Sasuke repeated.

"Nothing..." I sighed. "Just... just... nevermind."

"Wow," Naruto noted, "You're being all quiet and stuff. Are you depressed or something?"

"I'm tired," I said, "That's all. I'll wake up soon enough..." I chuckled.

We entered the academy building and went up the first flight of stairs. I giggled at the genjutsu above the door-- and how many stupid people it had fooled. I wouldn't even have looked until the third floor.

I waved at the people in front of the door. "Hi, Izumo! Hi, Kotetsu!" (a/n: lol the spellcheck thought their names were 'issue' and 'cutest'!)

"Huh?" Chibi-Izumo said. "I- I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Riiight..." I said sarcastically. "I'm just gonna go to the right floor now."

"TOUKA-SAN!" I was attacked with a hug... a _green, spandex-clad _hug.

I grinned. "Lee-kun!" I grabbed one of his arms. "Second Amendment," I chuckled, squeezing said arm.

"Second what?" Lee asked.

I sighed. "Nevermind, you guys don't have the Constitution. _Banshou-chan would get it!_ Except _not, _because she's doesn't speak Japanese. Just English. ... And some French."

"English and French?" Sasuke asked. "Where you come from people speak _English _and _French? _ Becuase _here-- _"

"I know, I know. English is the Fire Country's old language, and the Wind Country used to speak French. Only aristocrats, people from prestigious clans, and Naru-chan know those languages."

"Old Man Hokage taught me!" Naruto said, grinning. "But the only other language I know is English. No French or Spanish or anything else like that."

"I speak English, French, Spanish, and Italian," Neji said, smirking.

I stuck out my tongue at said jackass. "Oh rub it in, why don't you," I said sarcastically.

He smirked. "How are you today?" he asked. ( these things mean English)

I grinned. "Very well, thank you. Have you killed anyone today?"

He frowned. "No, Touka, I haven't."

"Really? That's surprising, you're an ass."

Neji blinked in confusion. "What is 'ass'?"

I started laughing, but I wouldn't tell him the answer. People here speak English, but they don't know all the slang yet.

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(ROCK LEE POV WOOT)

Touka-san walked away with her teammates, out the door to the stairs hallway.

"Wait!" I yelled, running after them.

Touka-san turned to face me. "Yes, Lee-kun? What is it?"

"Your teammates..." I said, "They are Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke, correct?"

"You are correct," I chuckled. "Why?"

I turned to the Uchiha boy, the fire of youth raging within my soul.

"Uchiha Sasuke!" I announced. "I challenge you!"

He smirked. "You know that I had the top scores in all my class, right?"

I nodded. "That is why I must beat you!" I said. "I am the strongest gennin of Konoha here!"

Touka giggled and winked at me, for I was merely bluffing. This is different than lying in the sense that I fully intended to tell Sasuke the truth later.

"Well, then!" I said. "Come at me!"

Sasuke lazily took a kunai out and charged me cockily, fully underestimating my prowess as a ninja. Or dodged easily and gave him a kick that made him hit the wall.

Sasuke detached himself from the wall and activated his sharingan, then charged again.

I avoided him easily, then gave him another kick.

This continued for awhile. Even though Sasuke had the added advantage of the Sharingan, it mattered not, because of my superior speed and agility.

Eventually, I decided that I should finish the fight. I began to pull off the bandages on my arms, but they were pinned to the wall by a flying pinwheel that came form behind me.

"Gai-sensei!" I gasped, then turned to face the large turtle that is my youthful sensei's summon.

"Lee!" the turtle chided. "That attack is for emergencies only."

"I am sorry, sensei!" I said, bowing my head, for I knew that my sensei was nearby and listening to this conversation.

"Get ready, Lee," the turtle said gruffly. "Because here comes Gai-sensei!"

There was puff of smoke above the turtle, and there was Gai-sensei, in one of his poses. Truthfully, I found this particular pose to be not particularly youthful, but I said nothing, and had not chance to.

"LEE!" Gai-sensei punched me in the face. "I told you many times before-- that attack is only to be used when one's life is in danger or while protecting someone important to you!!"

"Hai, sensei!" I exclaimed, saluting though my jaw was partly swollen. "I understand!"

"LEE!" Gai said joyously. "You are truly a youthful boy!"

"SENSEI!!" I hugged my teacher.

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"MAITO GAI!" Touka-san yelled, approaching us with her face contorted in anger. "You have hit your student once more! For someone claiming to be youthful, you are truly acting like someone who was born three, no four, generations previously!" she hit Gai-sensei on the shoulder with the backside of her hand.

"In the place that I come from, this behavior is known as _child _abuse! And you would have certainly been impounded by now or fined! If Lee was your son, he's have been moved to a different household! If you dare strike him again, I shall call tell Kakashi what _really _happened to his first copy of Icha Icha Paradise, and your clean record shall be unyouthfully smudged for ever! Do you understand!"

"Touka-san," I gasped. "When ever did you become so _youthful?_"

"Yeah, seriously," Sasuke-san said warily. "How long have you been like that?" he edged away from Touka-san slowly.

She turned to Sasuke, smirking in a manner most cocky.

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(Sasuke POV)

"Don't be stupid," she said, "I was merely speaking their language. If you want someone to fully understand you, you have to put things more like they would in the same situation." She smirked. "Does that make sense to you, stupid?"

I growled. "Don't imitate me."

Touka stuck out her tongue. "C'mon, we're gonna be late!"

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(Kabuto POV)

I yawned. Since Uchiha Sasuke hadn't entered through the door yet, I had nothing to do except glare at one of the gennin teams from our village when they got too loud. Which didn't happen. So I had nothing to do.

Then, the door opened and a girl with orange hair bounced in, humming something. I gasped.

That person wasn't in my records! Who was she?

She was followed by Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke.

_'That's funny,' _I thought. _'I thought that their teammate was Haruno Sakura. ... Maybe she chickened out or something.'_

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(Sakura POV)

I stuck out my tongue at Kabuto the computer screen.

"I'm no chicken!" I yelled.

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(Touka POV)

As soon as we entered the room, we were approached by Team Asuma.

"So," Ino said awkwardly, looking me up and down, "It's not just a rumor? Sakura, for the past _year_...?"

I nodded. "The part about you being an anime character is true, too," I said. "Or did you hear that part?"

"I did..." Ino said, breaking into a grin. "SO, tell me! Do people ever put me with Sasuke in the fanbase?"

I sweatdropped mentally. "Occasionally... but since you hardly ever talk to him except to tell him how much you love him and or whatever, there seems to be little cannon proof."

She glared. "Are you implying that I don't stand a chance?"

Sasuke smirked. "She may not be, but _I _sure am. I'm dating Naruto."

Shikamaru's eyes widened, Chouji's mouth fell open, and Ino gasped.

"Really, you are? Say it isn't so!" Ino whispered, frightened.

"I would," Sasuke chuckled, "But then I'd be lying. In fact, I've liked Naruto since I was about seven or eight."

I smiled widely. "Really Sasuke? That long?"

Sasuke nodded. "That long. The rumor about me liking girls with long hair? That originated from his Oiroke no Jutsu."

"So..." Kuro-chan drawled, approaching the group, "It's not that you're gay, it's that you only like Naruto?"

"Something like that," Sasuke muttered.

Kuro-chan laughed. "Oh, look he's blushing!"

"When you put it that way..." Ino said, "Maybe I can accept that. But Naruto better not break his heart!"

I laughed again. "That definitely won't be the problem." I thought of the Sasuke Retrieval Arc, and was marginally pissed at Sasuke for a moment before my mind returned to the conversation at hand.

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(Gaara POV)

I noticed the anime girl... Yaezaki Touka, was it? Enter the room and start conversing loudly.

I approached the group calmly and said:

"Shut. _Up._"

Followed by one of my better glares.

Touka started laughing.

"Again," she said breathlessly (her, unable to breathe? ha! I wish), "Awesome entrance."

The girl standing next to her, a Hyuuga by the looks of it, nodded. "I bet Kishimoto-san did a close-up on the eyes for that glare."

"WHAT?" Touka yelled. "You mean-- my actions are a part of the manga too now?"

"Yep!" The Hyuuga girl said. "The anime too. You voice is done by the girl who did Misa for Death Note."

"Hmmm..." said Touka. "Fitting. Wait..." she gasped. "The fanbase! Oh no... do I want to know what they did to me?"

The Hyuuga smirked. "I've seen you paired with--"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo nononono! No! I don't wanna hear it, I don't need those thoughts bouncing around in my head!"

I blinked (not something I do often). "So my current actions are being recorded and broadcast on TV where you come from?"

Touka giggled. "I guess so. Hey, mine too!" she looked up at the ceiling and _waved. _

"Hi mom! Don't let Yuki steal my hat. Or my other hat, or _any _of my hats. Particularly _the _hat."

"Don't worry," the Hyuuga said, "We thought your sister might steal your hats before Sakura knew they belonged to you, so we put them in Kei's house along with your CD's, your volumes of Harry Potter, and your manga books."

"Oh, good," Touka breathed. "Oh, hey. Gaara, the is Kuro-chan, and she's from where I come from, and has also read the manga."

"I introduced her to the manga, too," Kuro noted. "And, of course, I know who you are, and you already know Tou-chan."

I felt one of my eyes twitch. "Yaezaki... is your father?"

"You used my last name!" Touka gasped. "How polite!" she seemed to be in some sort of awe. "Usually anime characters are so _rude... _anyway, 'Tou-chan' in my nickname, derived from my first name, like 'Kuro-chan' is derived from 'Kuroko.' See?"

"Yes," I said, closing my eyes. "And I didn't call you by your last name to be polite. I did it to be distant."

"You say that like it's a positive thing," Touka noted. "Usually, being distant is a bad idea. Since humans are designed so they can depend on one another, or they become lonely."

"If that's the case," I said, my voice low, "I must not be human." I walked off to my sib-- teammates, itching to kill the girl who claimed I was an anime character.

I'd do it later. In the part of the exams where killing is allowed.

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(Kabuto POV)

I approached the loud, annoying group of gennin.

"You know," I said, "If you continue being this loud, you'll make a ruckus. You're attracting the attention of other gennin and now they'll be more likely to attack you later."

Uzumaki Naruto paled. "Really?" he turned to the orange-haired girl. "Is he telling the truth, Touka-chan?"

The girl, whose name appeared to be Touka, glared. "In this case, Naru-kun, yes. But don't take his words to seriously--" she grinned. "He's taken these exams like eight times."

"So wouldn't he know more about these exams than anyone?" asked Hyuuga Hinata, There was something... off about the Hyuuga heiress. She seemed much more... confident than usual. "Not counting us, of course."

A voice chuckled behind me. "You might right there." It was a lilting, carefree voice that spoke. "You're not, by any chance, also known as the Peachy Girl, are you?"

"How do you know about that!?" the orange-haired girl gasped.

It owner of the voice was a gennin with chin-length blue hair and pointy teeth.

"Why are mist-nin here?" I asked. "I thought they weren't on friendly terms with the village!"

"They weren't," the boy said lazily, "Before the recent revolution."

I blinked. "The revolution of four years ago? Weren't the participants of that all ranked as S-Classed missing-nin?"

The boy grinned. "Well, yes, but two of them came back and finished what they started. But not before they ran into Peachy Girl here back in Wave Country."

Touka gasped. "You mean... Haku-kun and Zabuza-san?"

"Who else?" The blue-haired boy smirked, his sharklike teeth glinting in the light. "If I can pass these exams, I'm getting Kisame-sempai's old spot amoung the swordsmen. Oh, yeah, and Zabuza-san's the Mizukage."

"Really?" Touka's eyes widened."So he's reaching his dream..." She smiled contentedly. "Bet that makes Haku-kun happy."

"Bet you it does," the boy said. "And just out of curiosity... you knew their names before because of some weird circumstance, right?"

Touka nodded. "Not telling you what it is, though. _No spoilers!_

The boy nodded. "That's okay. I was just wondering-- do you know who _I _am?"

"Well, I could be wrong, but it seems to me like you're the person who it was said would follow in Zabuza's footsteps and become the next Demon of the Mist. You're Suigetsu! Right?"

"Correct! You win a prize." Suigetsu handed Touka a piece of paper and walked away.

... Wait. Suigetsu? I'd heard of _him _at least. What Touka had said about him was true. In addition, I knew that he's spent a good deal of his younger years here in Konoha under 'Roots' as part of a treaty with Mist. Eventually, they'd given him back.

I wondered if anyone in Konoha knew him from back then. Maybe that was how Touka knew him.

Who was she, anyway?

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(Touka POV)

I giggled, rubbing the folded-over piece of paper with my thumbs. The paper was smooth, a good quality. If it wasn't a letter from Haku, I'd draw on it later.

Slowly, I unfolded the paper.

_Touka-san,_

_Well, as Suigetsu may or may not have told you, Zabuza-san is the Mizukage now. I've been named his assistant, which means I have to run around all day and make sure he does his paperwork, which he doesn't mind too much._

_He really loves our country, you know. He did all that work for Gatou and people like him, all to earn enough money to be able to come back here and regain this village's honor. It's not going to be easy, but we'll get there eventually._

_Zabuza-san is coming to Konoha for the last part of the Chuunin exams, and I'll be coming with him, so don't die during the second part._

_Oh, and if Suigetsu asks, tell him you don't speak English. His English is painfully horrible._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Haku_

_P.S. I'm taking back that kiss you stole._

As I read the last line, I felt heat rise to my face. I started mentally danced up and down. Physically, I started waving a fist around from the elbow (a classic animetard maneuver when met with 'kawaii' situations. --rolls eyes--)/

_**'Cha! Way to go Touka-chan!' **_Inner Sakura cheered.

"Well?" Sasuke asked. "What is it?"

"Is it a love note form _Haku-kun_?" Naruto chuckled, grinning cheekily.

I grinned. "Well... it's a note from Haku-kun."

"Is he mad at you for raping him?" Kuro-chan asked.

I blushed again. "I DIDN'T RAPE HIM!!"

"Two questions," Ino said. "One, why are you talking in English?"

"Because it's our main language," I said. "And because less people understand it."

"And two..." Ino grinned evilly. "Who's Haku?" she grabbed the letter.

"Hey, give that back!" I grabbed for my letter, but Ino held it away from me and kept moving it around to I couldn't get it. Kuro-chan grabbed the letter from Ino and read it. She grinned and gave it to Sasuke.

"You guys..." I whined half-heartedly. "That's none of your business."

"Yes, but you took pictures of me kissing Naruto. This is payback," Sasuke said, passing the letter to Naruto. (a/n: wow, Sasuke has vengeance issues. what else is new?)

After a minute, Naruto joined the others in grinning evilly.

"You kissed him?" Naruto said slyly. "When was that?"

"Right before we left," I mumbled. "I thought I wouldn't get another chance, so... I kinda... just grabbed him by the shoulders... and... yeah." My face was the now in about the same spot on the color spectrum as Gaara's hair.

"Don't think about it!" Kuro-chan yelled suddenly. "If replay it in your head, you'll have a flashback and waste episode time."

"Too late," I said, replaying the scene on my head.

"Could you guys quiet down?" yelled one of the gennin already seated at a table. "I'm trying to meditate and you're hurting my eardrums. Gossip outside."

I walked up to the girl and grinned. "Tsuchi Kin, right?"

She looked at me mutely, and nodded.

"Sorry," I apologized, "I have a high lung capacity, sometimes I can't quite control myself. Since I'm excited right now, dear, I'm loud."

"You should've been a Sound-nin," said one of the boys sitting with her, who I assumed was Zaku. "You could've used that voice for one helluva jutsu."

I grinned cheekily. "Good idea. Remind me to be extra loud when I fight you and you'll see what happens." I thought of my Scream jutsu and giggled.

These bastards wouldn't know what was coming.

Then, Morino Ibiki entered the room.

"I am Morino Ibiki, the head of the Interrogations in this village!" he announced. "I'm going to be the proctor for the first part of these exams!"

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me: phew, glad I finally finished a chapter. sorry if there was too much drabble and not enough plot. I had sooo many ideas for this section.

sasuke: why is Zabuza the Mizukage?

me: because Haku lives for Zabuza, and his dream is to see Zabuza's dreams come true (he said so, look it up). Who am I to mess with Haku's dreams?

naruto: ... WHY THE RAPE JOKES?! sniff

me: lol. you think we've got a lot NOW?! wait'll orochimaru gets into the picture...

TT/u\TT

btw, I don't own Naruto, Sasuke, or anyone else, but since Kishimoto killed Haku I figure I can keep him.

what did you think of this chapter? Tell me!


	13. Test Are For Cheating and Body Snatching

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(Naruto POV)

"I am Morino Ibiki, the head of interrogations in this village!" The speaker was a large, scary-looking man with a bandana on his head. "Proctor for the written section of this semester's chuunin exams!"

"Makes me feel like I'm still in school," Touka-chan muttered under her breath. I chuckled-- apparently, people our age are only about halfway through school where she comes from. So, technically, she _should_ still be in school.

Ibiki passes out tests and explains the rules: We have a certain amount of time to answer all of the questions, and if we're caught cheating three times we get kicked out along with our teammates.

Then, I looked at the exam. This was gonna be hard.

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(Touka POV)

I giggled when I got my test. Thanks to Inner Sakura's 'super-genius-skills', as I call them, and just plain remembering what some of the questions were so I could study the answers for them, this test was gonna be a breeze.

When the test started, I started writing quickly, though not frantically (that would attract attention). Then, since I was done, I started doodling a chibi picture of Ibiki on the back (since I knew he'd be looking over the tests later).

I was almost about to start shading in the darker parts of his clothing when someone else took over my mind.

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(Ino POV)

"Shintenshin no jutsu!" I whispered, pointing at Touka. I doubted she was as smart as Forehead-Girl, but I knew that she'd still answered all the questions on the tests with scores almost as good as Sakura's. And better than mine.

How does that work? She's only been here a year! So how in hell did-- I'm getting off-topic.

When I overtook Sakura's body (that sounds all wrong-ish), the first thing I noticed was that there was more than one presence in her mind.

I prodded at one. "Hi, there!" It giggled. That was Touka's voice. "You know you can pass this thing as long as you don't get caught cheating, right? Naruto's gonna pass without ever writing anything down."

I blinked. "We don't have to have the actual answers?"

"Nope!" Touka said cheerfully. "You can tell your teammates once you get out of here. I wrote the answers anyway, so if you want them, they're there."

"You're awfully complacent."

"Well, if you don't pass, I won't l know who I'm fighting since you passed in the original," Touka explained. "You see, if your team doesn't make it to the part of the exam with the tournament, it'll be different than the original because you passed in the original. The number of people in the tournament-thingy will change and I'll fight someone else than I prepared to fight."

"That makes sense," I noted. "But... why is there another presence her besides your own?"

Touka paled. "That's... that's."

'_**Me,'**_a somewhat blunt and annoyed voice said. It sounded eerily familiar. _**'You do remember me, right? Well, technically, you know the other half of me...'**_

__In the blackness that is a person's mind, I saw a shadow outlined in white.

I gasped. "Sakura?"

_**'Not exactly.'**_ The figure tapped her forehead. _**'I'm INNER Sakura. You could say that I'm... the true Sakura, beyond this mask that people put up. Since Sakura changed so drastically under someone's care, from being shy to being more outspoken, I was created, this part of her is a different entity that what you see. So... I'm the half of Sakura that is more like Sakura.'**_

I blinked. "So... half of Sakura is in Touka's body?"

"Pretty much," Touka said, "But since Inner Sakura can't take over and control a body, her being there doesn't have much relevance. Though I am working on a jutsu to let her out as a clone..."

_**'I know everything Sakura knows, or at least everything she knew before this switching business,'**_ Inner Sakura said, _**'That's how Touka got such good test scores and knew how to act like Sakura for that month before she got sick of pretending to be obsessed with Sasuke. It's also how she's fluent in Japanese when her native language is English.'**_

Touka giggled. "For the first month or three, Inner-chan had to translate everything."

"Oh..." I said. "So... Inner-chan?"

_**'Yes?'**_ Inner Sakura asked.

"Are you... completely disconnected from your other half?" I asked nervously.

Inner Sakura blinked. _**'I think so...' **_she grinned. _**'But I could always check.'**_

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(Sakura POV)

I was taking a test in my-- err, Touka's math class when I heard something I hadn't heard in a long time.

_**'What's this? Algebra? Looks hard.' **_

I gasped out loud (the guy sitting next to me stared and was accused of cheating). _'Inner-chan?'_

_**'Don't act so surprised, Outer-chan. After all, I am a part of you.'**_

___'But... but I thought you were with Touka now! Since... we haven't talked since I ended up in her body.'_

_'__**So did I. But Piggy wondered if I would be able to talk to you, and I realized I hadn't tried.'**_

___'Way to go Ino-chan!' I mentally cheered. 'But I'm... kind of taking a test right now.'_

_**'So am I. How do you think I got in contact with Ino. Can you say, Chuunin Exams?'**_

___'I knew that! In the last chapter that appeared in the manga, the first part was about to begin!'_

_**'Was it? ... Interesting. Well, I'll see you later! Happy test-taking.'**_

___'You too. Dammit! How am I gonna concentrate now?'_

_**'I won't be able to either. Talk to ya later!' **_InnerSakura's presence faded and I went back to my algebra.

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(Ino POV)

Inner Sakura disappeared for a few minutes, then came back.

_**'I CAN TALK TO HER, SHANNAROU!' **_she cheered.

"Wow, Inner-chan! How good for you!" Touka giggled.

"This... is confusing," I decided. "...Can you tell her I said hi?"

_**'I will!'**_ Inner Sakura said. _**'Now take your test answers and get out of here! Touka, hug Piggy for me later. If it weren't for her, this wouldn't be possible.'**_

"I will!" Touka promised.

I smiled awkwardly, got the test answers, and got the hell out of Sakura's/Touka's/Inner-chan's mind.

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(Naruto POV)

Why were these test questions so HARD?! I wouldn't be able to answer these in a hundred years!

Slowly, I turned my eyes to Kuroko's test-- she was sitting next to me, happily copying answers with Hinata's byakugan (wow, that sounds confusing).

She quietly wrote in the margins cheerily, smiling all the while-- 'Naruto, stop looking at my test or I'll tell Sasuke what REALLY happened to those egg rolls.'

I gulped. That wasn't something I wanted Sasuke to know.

I nodded slightly, looking down at my test disparagingly.

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(Sasuke POV)

_Dammit, Naruto! Why can't you see the point is to cheat!_ I thought worriedly. I wanted to move on with these exams and fight that Gaara guy. _You stupid dead-last dobe! If you don't pass the first round you'll be angsty for a week and who'll have to comfort you? Me!_

It occurred to me momentarily that Touka would probably help, too, but I let that thought slip. I'd just gotten over the fact that she hugs Naruto incessantly (something only _I_ should be able to do) by realizing that she hugs everybody at one point. If she walked up to _my brother_ and hugged him, I'd be disgusted but not surprised.

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(Touka POV)

'_I wonder if I'll be able to stop myself from hugging the various new characters in this arc,' _I thought idly while I watched Ino inhibit Shikamaru's body (that sounds wroooongggg...) out of the corner of my eye_ 'I wanna hug that Shigure guy since Gaara's about to kill him, I wanna hug Gaara since he's awesome and if I just ignore him like everyone else that would make Banshou-chan unhappy and she'll get pissed once I get home. I wanna hug Kankurou because he's wearing a fabulous cat-suit, I wanna hug Temari since she puts up with Kankurou who's probably really sucky to have as a brother (and Gaara but I'm refusing to think that way since I'll feel guilty about it later), I wanna hug Suigetsu's teammates since they're Mist-nin which AUTOMATICALLY makes them awesome, I wanna hug Suigetsu because he gave me Haku-kun's letter, and I really wanna hug Haku-kun because he knows I've got a massive creepy fangirl crush on him and he still tolerates me.' _I blushed.

_'Wonder how he's planning on returning that kiss...' _I had several ideas (heehee), so I spent the rest of my time idly shading in my chibi Ibiki drawing and fantasizing about this (a/n: actually I do that a lot. fantasize my fanfiction plots. particularly this one) until Ibiki cleared his throat.

"We have one more question on this test," The Head Of Interrogations (And This Test) said, acting all scary-like and glaring at any Gennin who looked him in the eye (this included Suigestu, who glared back at him and stuck out his tongue _extremely _maturely, which made me giggle). "It will be the most difficult question of all-- if you fail this question, both you _and _your teammates will never be able to take this test again. You'll be gennin forever."

Ibiki smiled evilly as if nothing would please him more. "If you like, you can quit now and you and your teammates will merely be dropped from the exam. You can still stay and get box seats for the third round of the exams if you like, and no one will get hurt. Unless of course you'd rather _doom _all three of your team..."

He let his words hang in the air until someone chickened out and said he'd leave. He was followed by his teammates, who looked pissed.

Then, some other wuss chickened out and also left. His teammates were pissed too, and it occurred to me that I'd probably wuss out myself if I didn't know this was a trick and if I wasn't so damn excited to meet Anko-- there are only two good guy anime characters who associate with snakes. They're both absolutely fabulous. but she's the more kickass of the two, since the other runs a dress shop and obsesses over his winning back the affectioons of his little brother... 'nuff said.

Several more people got scared and left, until Naruto cracked and stood up.

"Yes?" Ibiki raised his eyebrows. I think. His eyebrows are covered by his bandanna. BUT if Gaara can scrunch his eyebrows when he glares --and he doesn't _have _any eyebrows, but he scrunches them nonetheless--, then Ibiki can certainly raise his eyebrows even when they're under his bandanna.

Ibiki smirked at Naruto. "Giving up, boy?"

Naruto glared (not that this is intimidating-- it's actually rather adorable. oh, come on, you've all seen it.). "No!" he said determinedly.

Everyone stared at Naruto as he continued. "I'm gonna be Hokage someday, and I won't do very well if I give up on everything because I'm scared! I'm gonna take this question on the test, pass it, and I'm gonna be Chuunin!" He smirked. "I refuse to quit!!"

Half of the people in the room (this doesn't count Kabuto or any of the sound siblings, but surprisingly it counts Suigetsu and Sasuke) pumped their fist and cheered.

Eveyrone who was standing (sans Ibiki) sat back down. A minute or five passed, and no one stood up or spoke a word.

"... Is that everyone?" Ibiki asked. "No one else want to quit?"

Silence echoed around the room (I wanted to start singing Simon and Garfunkel's 'The Sounds of Silence,' but I managed to control myself-- it helped that I only know half the words anyway) and Ibiki smirked his un-comforting smirk once more.

"All right then!" he announced. "Each one of you... passes!"

The entire room ('cept Gaara) banged the heads on their desks (a/n: HEADDESK!). "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"A ninja must look underneath the underneath," Ibiki began. I could see Kuro-chan start to mouth the words out of the corner of her mouth.

"A ninja is courageous. The lives and well-being of your teammates are important to both you and the village, but you can't let your fear that they'll be injured stop you from completing the mission. You must stand strong--"

Something large and awesome interrupted him by crashing through the window.

"Hello maggots! I'm Mitarashi Anko!" In the middle of the lowest level of the classroom stood a woman with purple spiky hair. "I'll be your proctor for the second part of the exams."

"Anko, you interrupted me again," Ibiki said in a shockingly whiny voice. "Please stop doing that."

Anko smiled fake-politely at Ibiki. "Aww... does Ikki-kun need to be punished again?" she grabbed a kunai of out her sleeve and twirled it around the way some people back home twirl their pencils.

Ibiki shivered and shook his head. Anko smirked.

"Well, you might be anyway... you left too many for me to take care of. _Oh, well! _I can fix that, can't I? Kukuku..."

Ibiki tranport-jutsu'd the hell out of there, being the smart guy that he is, leaving Anko to announce:

"This next part of your Chuunin exam will take place in training area 44. The Forest of Death! If you don't know how to get there, you damn well better follow me!" She ran back out of the hole in the wall she'd created, all of us following her.

"Wow, she's awesome," I said.

"I know, right?" Kuro-chan came up from behind me.

I giggled. "And I'll be going into the forest... wonder if I'll run into any _giant snakes _along the way."

Kuro-chan smirked. "Are you talking about Orochimaru's summons or Orochimaru's--"

"Please don't finish that sentence," I laughed. "Not the sort of thing I need on my mind when I'm about to risk my life and stuff, kay?"

"And cut your hair?" Kuro-chan said, poking me in the arm. I rolled my eyes.

"That won't even be an option, since if anyone gets close enough to me I'll scream."

Kuro-chan raised her eyebrows. "And? If their hearing is sensitive like mine is in my original body, that might hurt their eardrums, but it won't do much else."

I smirked. "You got here before my fight with the demon brothers was covered, didn't you?"

"... And?" Kuro-chan asked.

"Well, I didn't do what Sakura did and wait for 'Sasuke-kun' to save me. I took action! The justu I used is pretty damn loud."

Kuro-chan blinked. "What?"

"Pretty much," said Sasuke, catching up to us (ha Sasuke you run like a girl!), "Touka can use her chakra ti scream so loud it knocks people out."

Kuro-chan stared at me and started twitching. Then, we both cracked up.

"Ahaha! Well, if-- haha! You'll excuse me, I have an nternal monologue to complete with Inner Sakura, so..." I trailed off, slowing down for a bit so I was no longer running next to them.

_'Hey, Inner?'_

_**'Yes, Touka?'**_

___'Can you patch me through to Outer Sakura? There's something we need to discuss.'_

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(Anko POV)

It took the gennin approximately half an hour to all catch up to me, which was annoying but gave me time to eat copious amounts of dango, so I was all right with that.

Once they were all gathered, I explained the second part of the exam to them, which I won't go into since you all know what it is anyway.

Also, I threw a kunai at some kid to scare them and it grazed their cheek. SO, to scare him further, I licked the blood off of him and said something creepy about blood tasting good.

His teammates had completely opposite reactions. The boy glared at me possessively and pulled the blonde kid out of my grip. The girl just _giggled. _

I blinked. "Was that really that funny?"

She shook her head. "It's just that I would only lick _my own _blood. I mean, I'm pretty sure Naruto has no blood-transmitted diseases, but if he did you'd have them now."

"True..." I said, "But it's worth scaring children!"

Surprisingly, she also giggled at this. "Only when they're innocent enough and cute enough when they're scared. I have a friend like that..."

I smirked. "You're interesting... most kids are afraid of me for some reason."

The girl shrugged. "Well, I see things differently than other sometimes. I'm pretty damn open-minded."

"That's always a good thing to be," I noted. "Say, what's your name, little girl?"

"Yaezaki Touka." Touka held out her hand, and I shook it. "Nice to meet you Mitarashi-san!"

"You too. You know, I--"

"Is this yours, Madam?" a very looong tongue reached over my shoulder and gave me the kunai I'd thrown at Touka's blonde teammate.

"Why, yes!" I said. "And here I thought people didn't teach their children politeness anymore..."

"They try," Touka said, "They usually don't succeed. However, people are more likely to not hurt you if they like you, so I try to make myself likable to some-- and that means politeness."

"I agree," said girl (?) who'd returned my kunai. "Unless you know the person well or if they're an extremely low subordinate, you should retain politeness."

"But politeness is another thing that's a manner of opinion, just like pretty much anything else," Touka told the long-tongued girl.

"Really? Like what?" The long-tongued girl asked.

"Well, like..." Touka thought for a minute. "What is and isn't art. For instance, some people might say that art is some fleeting that only lasts a second, while others would say something isn't art unless it's unchanging-- immortal, everlasting."

"Everlasting..." the long-tongued girl spat. "Someone I knew said that once. I never got along well with him..."

"Oh, I know that," Touka chuckled. "In fact, I probably know more about that person's back-story than you do."

The long-tongued girl _glared _at Touka. "And why would you think that? Do you work for him or something?"

Touka giggled again. "Nope! It's just that he's an anime character."

"What? No he isn't he's real."

"Well, to me, that person is an anime character. And so are you." Touka stuck out her tongue. "But whose fault is it that I'm here, anyway?"

Before the long-tongued girl had a chance to reply, Touka had skipped off to sign her release forms for the exam.

"That little..." the girl with the long tongue growled something explicit to herself.

The boy who's cheese I'd licked stared at her. "Do you know Touka-chan or something?"

"No, technically I've never met her."

And the girl with the long tongue stalked off to go fume somewhere. Or something. Truthfully, I had no idea at the time who that person was or what they were up to.

I found out later.

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(Ibiki POV)

I was going through the tests, just to see who had written what. It always amuses me that some people figure out the point of the test is answer all smart-alecky.

For instance:

'The Answer is C, bitch!' -- found on the test of Hyuuga Hinata (a/n: aka Kuro-chan).

A test that was completely blank except for a lot of eraser marks-- Uzumaki Naruto.

A test with a doodle of ME on the back-- Yaezaki Touka (by the way, the drawing sucked).

A test doodled all over with hearts and flowers and the phrase 'Inuzuka Hinata'-- Inuzuka Kiba.

A disturbingly accurate drawing of Izumo wearing nothing except a leaf-- the proctor Kotestu.

... Wait, Kotestu? And Izumo?

I growled. '_Damn you, Kotetsu.'_

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me: whew! finally finished a chapter! soryy it took so long-- I can't take a desktop computer with me to camp or to midwestern america. did you know that if you look at Mount Rushmore from the right vantage point, it looks like President Roosevelt and President Lincoln are kissing?

Naruto: that's nothing! I know where to stand looking at the Hokage Mountian so that it looks like Old Man Hokage is kissing Tsunade-baachan and my dad! AT THE SAME TIME!

me: ... woah... that's ...

kakashi: Cool! show me where!

sasuke: you all sicken me. next time on dance of the flower petals, we meet some creepy people who want my body. and I don't just mean Ino. oh, and we'll see the grand return of tora-chan the supercat.

touka: plus sasuke gets raped.

sasuke: WHAT?!

touka: just kidding. reviews, please?


	14. Taunting Orochimaru

Me: another chapter! already!

sasuke: ... WOAH that was fast! how did you manage to get all this time on the computer?

Me: sprained ankle. GO FANFICTION CHAPPIE GO!

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(Sasuke POV)

"Okay," I said, "This is our gate."

Touka giggled. "I'm so excited..." she said, beating one of her fists up and down.

"Why?" Naruto teased. "Is Haku going to be there?"

"Noooo..." Touka said. "But someone who used to work with Sasuke's brother is." she grinned at me. "But I still know mooooore than heeeeeeeeee doooooes..."

I froze. "What?"

Touka giggled. "Wait 'till after these exams. I'll tell you everything I know about your brother's crimes. But, you have to wait until all this Chuunin crap is over. I might know more by then, anyway. Okay?"

I glared at Touka. "What do you want so much that you're dangling _that_ in my face?"

Touka sighed. "I just don't want you to be so rage-blinded that you don't train well. You're going to need every once of that strength of yours in the upcoming matches. You see, Sasuke, I have your best interests in mind."

I smirked. "Am I really going to fight people that strong?"

"Yes," Touka promised, "I'll bet my life on it. Oh, gee..." she sighed. "I've pissed off two of the strongest characters in this arc. I hope they don't kill me..."

"Me too," Naruto laughed. "You still over me ramen."

A bell sounded and the gate opened. We ran into the forest.

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(Kuro-chan POV)

"Well, Shino?" Kiba grinned wolfishly. "Have you found them yet?"

Shino nodded, pointing at a branch. "I'll have my kikaichu go talk to them," he said. "And then we can set up our trap."

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(Suigetsu POV)

"HEY, YOU!" one of the victims of my team's ambush yelled, holding the wound in his side. "GIVE THAT BACK!"

"Sorry," I yelled back, "But we _need _this! Go steal your own!"

"That was fast," Sakana, one of my teammates, chuckled. She took the kunai she was holding and used it to fasten her dark blue hair in a bun on the side of her head. "Think Mizukage-sama would be proud of us?"

My other teammate, Nami, licked the blood off a thin katana before sheathing it. "No, because we left them _alive_," he chuckled. "Mizukage-sama, _is_, after, Zabuza-san the master of the silent killing technique."

"Oh." Sakana looked down.

I rolled my eyes. "Nami-kun, you know that Zabuza-san never taught any of us the silent killing technique, so that's a silly reason to think he wouldn't be proud of us."

Nami was surprised. "Even you? They say you're his successor."

"Only as far as similar attitudes towards killing and pure battle ferocity," I said, grinning. "I'm probably going to be the next 'Demon' of the Mist, but Haku is Zabuza's successor who'll inherit the decapitating sword."

"Didn't you train under Mizukage-sama at one point, though?" Sakana asked. "I thought he was your jounin sensei before he left and you joined our team."

"Yeah, but even then," I explained, "I have too much of a grip on my emotions to be one of the Seven Shinobi Swordsman."

"Ah," Nami noted. "That makes sense."

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(Sasuke POV)

"I have to go to the bathroom," Naruto said loudly. We were seated in a clearing having lunch.

"I'll turn around," Touka laughed. "If you leave, I know for a fact when you come back it won't be you but an impostor."

"Hmmm..." Naruto said. "But Sasuke better not look either."

I felt a small blush rise to my face. I'm not _that_ perverted! Besides, I've seen him in the bathroom. That wouldn't be anything new.

"If we do get separated, though, we should have a password. In case someone incapacitates you and then uses jutsu to henge into you," I realized aloud.

"Good idea," Touka laughed. "But I won't remember it if it's too long..."

"Neither will I," Naruto noted.

I smirked. "I'm sure if Touka comes up with some obscure song lyrics, she'll be able to remember it."

"That's how I remember a lot of things," Touka admitted. I could practically hear an embarrassed smile in her voice. "Like some parts of the Shinobi Code. I fitted it to a tune so I could remember the words. I wasn't able to do that to all of them though, because--"

"We know, we know, because it's too long," Naruto sighed.

"Okay..." Touka thought for a minute. "Oh! As a question... _What 'cha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?_"

"Oh, English!" Naruto said. "Cool!"

Touka nodded. "Since English is my first language and I sometimes mishear Japanese song lyrics. Now, as for an answer..."

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(Touka POV)

"Now, as for an answer..."

I had to think about this. Since I knew Orochimaru was listening and would probably have to repeat the song lyrics himself, I had to think of something that it would be extremely funny to hear him say.

'_**Sakura has an idea**_**,' **Inner Sakura drawled. _**'How about that? She is helping is with the plan.'**_

"... Touka we don't have all day," Sasuke said impatiently.

I nodded. "Right, right... oh! Hmm.. how about this? _He's my best friend, best of all best friend do you have a best friend too? He tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy yummy! Hey, you should get a best friend too!_ Does that work?"

Sasuke smirked. "Yes."

"Hey!" Naruto said. "I can't remember that!"

I giggled. "Don't worry, Naru-chan. You'll remember what you have to."

Sasuke nodded at me-- he knew what I meant. Naruto would forget it. But the guy listening, underground a few yards away would hear it.

Meaning Orochimaru. But I was the only one who knew THAT.

But no! I won't spoil this manga for the characters. No spoilers! ... FOR NOW. There are definitely some things I need to say about Itachi later. But not now. Because Sasuke's head is gonna get screwed with as it is.

We walked on, somehow not running into anyone (although I'm pretty sure I saw Suigetsu and his teammates run past me at some point). I got kinda bored, but I repressed the urge to sing ('Milkshakes' was stuck in my head since I'd mentioned it earlier).

Then, Naruto stopped us.

"I gotta go take a dump again," he said sheepishly.

I rolled my eyes. "Did you drink that spoiled milk again?"

"No," Naruto said.

"Have you been eating vegetables?" I asked tiredly. "Because you know, if you don't, then it messes with your digestive tract."

"I knew that!" Naruto said unconvincingly.

Sasuke smirked. "Sure, you did. Come on, go take that dump. We'll stay here."

"Go take it a little farther away this time," I said. "If I accidentally saw someone pooping, I'd be pretty grossed out-- no offense! We''l wait here."

"Right..." Naruto walked blindly into the forest.

Sasuke turned to me. "... Is he going to be okay?" he asked nervously.

"Yeah," I laughed. "He's not gonna be injured or murdered or raped. But I'm sending a bunshin after him anyway, actually. _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!_" a shadow clone appeared next to me-- it was in Sakura's form since I was in her body, so I henge'd it to look like me.

I gave the bunshin a (stolen) rice ball (Naruto's), along with a large, empty burlap sack.

"Go give Naru-chan back his lunch," I said.

The bunsin nodded. "And I'll bring back some other food too!"

I smirked. "You do that."

My clone saluted my and dashed off after Naruto.

"Don't worry," I informed Sasuke. "She won't look. She just wants the meat off of something he's gonna kill."

o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

(Naruto POV)

"Ah!" I said. "Much better! Now I better get back to the others before they worry. Or leave without me..."

I zipped my (awesome ORANGE) pants back up and started back in the direction of where I'd come from, when the ground beneath my feet rumbled. It shook considerably, then rose, dirt coming off of it.

I was standing on a giant snake!

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(Sasuke POV)

"Hey guys!" Naruto's called. There was a rustling in the bushes.

"I'm back!" Naruto walked into the clearing. Or did he?

"Password, Naruto," Touka said, starting to laugh. "_What 'cha_-- ahahaha. _What_-- HAHAHA! Okay, okay." Touka took a deep breath. "I got it. I'm okay. _What 'cha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?_ You remember what the answer is, right?"

"Of course I do dattebayou!" Naruto grinned. "He's my best friend, best of all best friends, do you have a best friend too? He tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy, yummy! Hey, you should get a best friend too!" his English was choppier than usual-- because it _wasn't _Naruto's English. No way Naruto could ever remember that song.

"Hoo, ha! Hoo ha!" Touka laughed. "_Hello baby, can I see your smile?_ ... 'Kay, stopping now. I _missed_ that song! Haven't thought about in, like, _ever!_"

"Because you can't go home?" 'Naruto' said innocently.

"Well, we all know whose fault _that _is!" Touka laughed.

"Really?" I asked. "Whose?"

Seriously, whose fault is it that I have to deal with this annoying bitch?

"Yeah, Touka-chan," 'Naruto' said, grinning. "Whose?"

"Well..." Touka said, "Considering the fact that there's no way in _hell _that Naruto could remember that long-ass password unless I taught him the whole damn song... I guess the person at fault for my presence in this would be... _you!_"

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(Naruto POV)

The snake swallowed me.

Which was pretty scary.

... Then... I was just... sitting in the snake's stomache. Which was _extremely_ boring.

My stomache grumbled. I reached for the lunch I'd packed... but when I reached into my pocket and pulled out a napkin-wrapped package, it opened to reveal _not_ a rice ball, but some bubble wrap and and note from Touka. It said:

_Hey Naru-chan! _

_If you want your lunch back, you'd better get out of this snake before it eats you._

_Love, Touka 3_

I growled. She wanted me to get out of here? Then I'd get out of here, dammit! I worked hard on that rice ball! ... Have you any idea how hard it is to get Sasuke to make me food?

Scowling, I said, "KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

Several tens of shadow clones surrounded me. So many, in fact, that the snake burst from having all of us inside of it.

I landed on a pile of these bunshin, which 'poofed' out from under me. I lay panting on the floor, surrounded by snake guts.

"Hey, Naru-chan!" Something hit the ground next to my head. It was a napkin-wrapped package-- my rice ball!

"Touka-chan?" I sat up.

Touka walked into view. She had a huge, empty sack. "Hey, Naru-chan! Gimme a sec..."

She walked up to the dead snake and took out a kunai. She started hacking away at the dead reptile, humming something under her breath. It sounded suspiciously like the song that was the answer to the password-- which I couldn't remember the words to. How was I going to convince them it was me.

Touka hacked off several large pieces of snake corpse and put them in her sack.

"Touka-chan..." I said slowly. "What are you doing?"

"Where I come from," she noted, "I heard there's a country where snake meat is a delicacy. I figured I'd try it, since you were gonna kill this thing anyway. Fried snake of dinner!" she cheered.

"... That was why you stole my rice ball?" I asked.

"Well, I figured getting you out of that snake faster might be a god idea," Touka giggled. "I can't let you die since you're a protagonist character-- if you die now, the story gets REALLY screwed up."

"I'm the protagonist?" I gasped.

Touka smirked. "Well, the manga _is _named after you..."

"Really?" I grinned. "No way!"

"Yes, now don't tell Sasuke."

"Awww, why not?" I whined.

"Because he'll get jealous."

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(Orochimaru POV)

"Well..." Touka said, "Considering the fact that there's no way in _hell _that Naruto could remember that long-ass password unless I taught him the whole damn song... I guess the person at fault for my presence in this would be... _you!_"

Suddenly, I recognized her. She was one of the girls whose bodies I switched around when experimenting for my body transfer jutsu! I remembered her. She was the one who told the pink-haired girl she was an anime character!

Now that I think of it... when I was talking to Anko, she said something about it to.

Did this girl have some sort of precognitive ability?

"Take off the henge, we know you're not Naruto," Sasuke-kun said tiredly. "In fact, we made the password ridiculously long for that reason."

"Plus I wanted to make you sing that song," Touka added,"But maybe I should've made you sing something by Michael Jackson instead... ne, Orochimaru?"

"Who?" Sasuke asked.

"Just a musician," Touka giggled. "Whose story can be likened unto Orochimaru. I won't tell you because I hate explaining things. Hey, Orochimaru-san?" she turned to me, smirking.

"What?" I hissed. This girl had annoyed me before, so in my eyes she was an annoying person.

Touka smirked. "Why are you just standing there? You can't get what you want if you spend all your time staring at it!" she taunted.

I growled. She knew I was stronger than her, so why was she toying with me? "You little... SEN'EIJASHU!" I sent snakes out of my sleeves at her.

Touka dodged to the side and stroked one of them. "So pretty..." she sighed, smiling.

I bit my thumb angrily. If she wanted _pretty_, then _pretty_ she would get.

"KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!" I said, summoning one of my larger snakes (this one in particular was called Dokubtsu).

Sasuke's (lovely, sharingan) eyes widened in fear.

Touka's eyes widened as well, but not in the fright that I had expected.

"GIANT SNAKE!" the orange-haired annoyance gasped.

She was smiling.

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(Naruto POV)

"Are you really going to eat that snake?" I asked, twitching.

Touka looked at the hunk of snake carcass she was holding in her bare hands.

"No," she decided. "I'll go to India when I get home and eat snakes there. They know how to prepare it properly, which is something I've never learned to do. Besides, it might make something angry."

"Something?" I whimpered. "There are more snakes like that in here?"

"It's called the 'Forest of Death,'" Touka cheered, "So, probably!" she pumped her fist in the air. "I'm going back now. Coming with?"

I nodded. "We've been gone awhile... someone might have attacked Sasuke and... you. Because you're just a shadow clone."

"Technically, yes. C'mon! Ikima_shou_! Let's go!" the bunshin grabbed my hand and started dragging me back as fast as she could. "I could be in danger! We're being attacked by a creepy grass-nin!"

"WHAT?" I yanked my hand out of Touka-bunshin's so hard that she 'poofed' into nothing and ran to where I knew the others were.

There was another giant snake, and it was about to attack Sasuke.

'_Oh, great. More snakes._'

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(Sasuke POV)

While Touka was... staring in awe at the large, legless reptile, it decided to leer its head and strike in my general direction.

It was too fast! It would have gotten me, too, if it weren't for that meddling dobe.

That _wonderful,_ meddling dobe.

"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto said, standing on the tree trunk and holding the snake back with his bare hands while facing me. "Miss me? The hero of the story always shows up a little late, you know."

I smirked. "At least you didn't make that horrible popping noise. ... Hey, Touka!"

"Yes?" Touka said, snapping out of her snake-induced, worshipful trance. Apparently, she's never seen a summons before... well, this is Touka we're talking about. She loves animals-- how else would she be able to tame that beast cat Tora?

"If you're scared," I said, "Now would be an excellent time to _scream_." I was, of course, referring to the jutsu she used on the demon brothers back on the Wave mission-- the one that knocked us all out.

"I might hurt the snake!" Touka said, hurt in her eyes.

"Oh, don't worry," the snake said in a low, hissing voice. "My eardrums are pretty thick. They won't shatter."

"Why would screaming hurt my summons?" Orochimaru sneered. "A little noise can't do anything to me or him!"

"I'm a girl," the snake sniffed.

"Well?" I said. "What are you waiting for?"

"... I might hurt Orochimaru, too," Touka said slowly, a grin breaking out on her face. "And if he's too injured, his little invasion plan will fall right through. Won't it?"

"Invasion?" Naruto and I whispered at the same time (wow, we've only been together a month and we're already finishing each other's sentences.)

Orochimaru frowned rather angrily at Touka. "How do you know about that?"

"I'm psychic!" Touka lied. "I know the future!" (well, that part was true.)

"I know all about your little schemes with Sound and Sand, too. If you kill me, the Hokage will open that little letter that says every lat detail on them! Too bad you pulled me out of my home and my body like that. I couldn't ruin your plans if I never met these people, and my real body is pretty weak. It's also most likely grown since then, so I'd feel off-balance," Touka said, seemingly thinking aloud.

Seemingly. Obviously, she had ulterior motives.

"Too bad you can't reverse this all or anything..." Touka sighed. "Too bad for you anyway. Sakura's pretty stupid and harmless, even compared to me in her body."

"Actually, I can if you like," Orochimaru sneered.

"Oh, please don't," Touka said politely. "I have someone I intend to meet in a month or so. I owe him something."

"No, really," Orochimaru said mockingly. "I insist!" He started forming hand signs very quickly, before slamming his hands into the tree.

"JIGEN HENSEN NO JUTSU!" Orochimaru yelled. Blue light started coming off the side of the tree.

He reached his hand _through _the light and pulled out a girl with long pink, hair by the arm. She was chewing something.

"Sakura!" Touka gasped, apparently shocked-- but I'm pretty I saw Sakura wink at her before pretending to be very, very afraid. Thankfully, Sakura seemed to not notice my presence.

Orochimaru stretched his hand out at Touka. His arm _grew _to be able to touch her, and he put his hand on her forehead. He put his other hand on Sakura's forehead (she was still chewing whatever-it-was, by the way).

Both girls shivered, not completely sure of what Orochimaru would do next. He smirked, an then started manipulating his chakra.

It was so weird, what he did next. I was the only one who could see it, because of my sharingan, but since I couldn't talk to anyone about it, it was somehow even weirder. He gathered his chakra at the base of his shoulders, then sent it through his arms, through his hands, and _into _the girl heads. Both girls winced, but then their expressions went totally blank.

Then, Orochimaru's chakra pulled a... glowing something out of each girl's head. His chakra pushed the glowing things through his arms, through his shoulders, through his arms again, through his hands and back into the girl's heads.

Touka, who had been in Sakura's body, but henge'd into herself since I'd known who she was, smirked.

Sakura, who I'd guessed had been living similarly since she looked like herself and _not _Touka, also smirked.

Touka, who was in Sakura's body raised her hands and made a hand sign.

'Poof!' She removed the constant henge, so now she looked like Sakura. Then, she looked down at herself.

"Well, well." She looked up at Sakura. "I'm surprised you didn't cut my hair."

"Well, you wanted it long in the original, so I figured if I cut it you'd be pissed" Sakura said sheepishly. "You're welcome to cut it now if you want. Since you're back in your body now."

Wait. What was going on? From this conversation, one would almost assume that...

"Really?" Touka said. "You should see what I did to _your _hair..."

Touka had done absolutely nothing to Sakura's hair! This conversation made no sense! _Unless..._

Sakura laughed. "But, if you did something weird to my body, I think I'll use the form I'm used to for now until I can reach a mirror. _HENGE_!"

Another poof of smoke. Sakura had henge'd into Touka! But she'd said that she was using a form she was used to... so did that mean?

"Hey Sasuke!" Sakura said. "You don't have to deal with the confusion anymore! I'm back to the way where things make sense!"

I blinked. "Sakura, I'm in love with Naruto."

"Oh, I know that," Sakura (who was henge'd into Touka, while Touka was henge'd into her) laughed, "BUT... I'm not Sakura! I'm Touka! Orochimaru switched our bodies back, just now! I'm afraid to see what Sakura did to me, though, so I'm staying in my eleven-year-old form until I can see what I look like as a twelve-year-old if front of a mirror. Since this form--" the girl gestured at herself. "-- Is what I looked like as an eleven-year old, before I came here! ... Dies that make any sense?"

"Not really," I said, "But... you're Touka?"

"Yes! And that's Sakura! You can tell, because she's not under and henge and she _looks _like Sakura! I'm under a henge too, but I look like me!"

"I don't get it," Naruto said confusedly, _still _holding back that snake form attacking me. "What's going on?"

I pointed at the girl that looked like Sakura. "That's Sakura. Remember her?"

"Yeah, but..." Naruto blinked. "Isn't that Touka? In Sakura's body?"

"I just got put back in my original body," Sakura (... I think) said slowly. "Touka just got put back in hers. Does that make sense to you?"

"Ohhhh..." Naruto said. "So Touka's back in her old body now. But she learned to fight in _your _body! How will she help us now?"

Orochimaru chuckled gaily. "Exactly! These girls have different chakra natures! So they can't use any jutsu that they've learned in the past year."

"Not technically, just the elemental ones," Touka (who was really Touka, in Touka's body, remember) said, spitting out what her body had been chewing.

It was a was of pink gum.

"KATSU!" Touka yelled, blowing up a good portion of the arm Orochimaru still had on her forehead.

"That's it," Orochimaru growled, "I'm putting you back where you came from!"

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(Orochimaru POV)

I laughed evilly, though my right arm was useless and also in serious pain. "HA! YOU, little girl, are going back to where you can't hurt-- ow!"

Something hit my face, followed by several other Somethings I used the hand on my uninjured arm to protect my face form the onslaught.

One of the Somethings bounced off of me and landed near Touka (who was now in her original body, but somehow that hadn't prevented her from destroying several muscles and ligaments). She picked it up, and giggled.

"Rubber bands, Sakura? Who's shooting them?"

The rubber band stopped, and two people ran out of the portal, jumped off the branch and landed next to Touka. They both had blonde hair and glasses, and similar faces. I assumed they were sisters or something.

"Banshou?" Touka gasped, looking at the taller of the two, who had several rubber bands on her wrists and one on her finger, stretched out and pointed at me in a warning.

Touka turned to the girl on her other side. "Kei-chan!" She gushed, wrapping her arms around both of them in a hug.

"Sakura," Touka drawled, "You really shouldn't put my friends in danger like this. You two go home, okay? This place is dangerous."

"We're not going home until you are, sempai!" Kei, the shorter girl, announced. "And Sakura-sensei said that your plan was to save some more people first!"

"That's right," Touka laughed, "But..." she sighed. "Oh, well. I hope you both brought earplugs?"

The taller girl, Banshou, held up a plastic bag full of earplugs. She stuck some in her ears, some in Kei's ears, and some in Touka's ears, then threw the bag to the other girl. Haruno something.

Haruno stuck earplugs in her ears, then threw the bag at Sasuke, who stuck earplugs in both his and Naruto's ears.

Then, all six children turned and _grinned _at me.

"Can anyone hear me?" Touka said loudly. No response came to her.

She turned to me and started making hand signs. She took a deep breath, as if she was about to use a Katon jutsu, but no fire came out.

Instead, she emitting a _noise _that seemed to shake the entire forest. I'm pretty sure that dogs in the Inuzuka compound seven miles away form here were whimpering. The sound filled my head, made my entire body shake. I was sure my bone would shatter. Those who were wearing earplugs held their ears and winced.

This was the loudest shriek witness by all mankind. Slowly, I forced myself to move. I elongated my neck and was about to bite Sasuke on the the shoulder to give him the curse mark, but my neck became riddled with shuriken that the pink-haired girl threw.

The scream got even _louder_.I couldn't hold myself up. The force of the sound was unbearable, so my body involuntarily avoided it the only way it knew how.

I fainted and fell of my tree branch, plummeting towards the ground.

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(Touka POV)

I gasped for air. I'd been screaming for about three-quarters of a minute, so as you can imagine there was pretty much NO oxygen left in my body.

Everybody pulled out their earplugs.

"I wonder if that scream alerted people of our position?" Sasuke said sarcastically. "Let's get out of here."

I nodded, but continued my frantic breathing until my body was sufficiently oxidized. Then, I still took deep breaths, but they were calmer and not so noisy.

Naruto had collapsed from the force of holding back that snake (which had poofed away) and from my vocal stylings, so Sasuke sling him over his shoulder.

'_**Awww...' **_Inner Sakura pouted. _**'I wanted him to carry naruto bridal style.'**_

_'Yeah,'_ I thought, '_Me too. WAIT! How am I hearing you? Aren't you in Sakura's body now?'_

**'She is,' **Sakura's voice echoed in my head. **'But apparently, she's still able to talk to both of us. And we're still able to talk to each other.'**

_'Thank goodness we were able to in the first place,' _I thought. _'Or we'd never have been able to make this plan in the first place. Switch us back and still have us both in this dimension. Genius, Sakura!'_

_**'I still say the whole taunting-Orochimaru thing is pretty stupid,' **_Inner Sakura noted, _**'Please, let's not do that ever. Again.'**_

__**'We don't have to,' **Sakura chuckled mentally, **'Since Sasuke-kun saw that jutsu with his sharingan. We'll just ask him about it later, then figure it out ourselves!'**

"HEY! YOU TWO!" Sasuke yelled. "Get over here! I can't pass to the next part of the exams if I don't have Touka with me!"

"Coming!" I laughed. "Well, Sakura? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," she said. "I think I have to pass the gennin exams before I do anything here."

"Kaaay," I giggled, "Let's go follow Sasuke now."

"Just like Shippuuden," Sakura growled.

I laughed. "Yeah, except hopefully we'll be able to avoid that situation. Come on!"

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Me: FINALLY! Touka's back in her old body!

Sakura: and I'm in mine! oh, happy day!

Sasuke: yeah, you... stay away from me

Sakura: don't worry, I've changed! as will be clear in the next chapter...

Me: yuppers! stay tuned, reader-peoples! since I'm on summer vacation and my ankle is sprained, it'll be quicker than you think! ...probably!

Sasuke: Shashuko owns nothing. Naruto belongs to me. We're all Kishimoto's bitches. questions?


	15. Language du Jour

Me: gee, sorry for taking so long! I had to track down neji and hang him from the ceiling by his ankles.

neji: mmmph! jkhfeukjgrgv! (translation: hey! lemme go!)

Me: stfu neji. (whacks neji upside the head with a dead fish)

sasuke: hey, can I try that?

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(Sakura POV)

"All that change, and I end up doing the same thing, in the same place," I sighed.

I was sitting in front of the same hollow tree as I had in this part of the story in the original manga and anime, guarding the same two boys form my year at the academy-- Naruto and Sasuke.

There were only three differences.

**Difference One:** I wasn't technically a ninja yet. Touka was the ninja. I still hadn't passed the gennin exams, even if Touka had while still inhabiting this body.

**Difference Two:** I guarding not only Naruto and Sasuke, but also Touka, Banshou and Kei-chan. They were all also asleep, hugging each other (FIVE PERSON HUG!). I took a picture with Touka's digital camera, which was in my kunai holster. Since Touka had put it there. When she was me. In my body.

Damn, that's confusing...

**Difference** **Three: ** If that Kin girl grabbed my hair this time, I was going to slit her _wrists _and not my silky pink locks. I was going to cut my hair, but I was going to get it done properly, at a hair salon. Not in the middle of a death trap like this forest.

"Hey... anyone else awake?" Touka whispered raising her head.

I rolled my eyes. "No, Touka. I always sleep sitting up like this."

"Ah... Sakura." Touka carefully wormed her way out from between Banshou and Kei-chan, crawling over to sit next to me. She started stretching her legs.

"I see I'm physically inflexible as ever," Touka muttered. "i'll need to work on that. Hey, Sakura?"

"Yes?" I asked.

"How's everyone back home doing?" Touka questioned.

"Well," I said, "Everyone in your family except Mika-chan and Teppei know about the whole switching thing. So, your mom, your dad, and Yuki all know about it. I guess they're worried about you... Oh, and Yuki's annoying. _Really_ annoying. And so are the other two. But they're not as as bad as Yuki."

"Yuki's always been annoying," Touka sighed. "I love her and all but... _yeesh. _Oh, and anything she said about me was probably a lie or an extreme exaggeration."

"So you _didn't _put a poster of Seto Kaiba on your wall three years ago?" I asked, smirking.

Touka rolled her eyes. "I drew. A _picture_. And I don't still like him anyway. Nor do I still like Trunks from Dragon Ball in _any_ form, and I _never_ had a crush on Sasuke. My heart belongs completely to Haku in that regard. Anything else she said you needed to know about?"

I thought for a minute. "No, other than the fact that she says you hit her when she ticks you off."

"Yeah," Touka laughed sheepishly. "That one's kind of true. I'm not exactly the best of older siblings. I was pretty violent back then..." she smiled. "I'm getting better, though. Getting better, all the time... couldn't get no worse..."

"I'm sure you weren't that bad..." I said.

Touka shook her head. "Even Uchiha Itachi, the cornerstone of bad older-siblingship, never hit his siblings because he _felt _like it."

"Because you... felt like it?" I asked.

"Yup," Touka sighed. "I've kicked my sister more than once out of boredom. And you know that scar on Yuki's forehead? That was my fault too. I was running around the house with her favorite barbie doll, and she was chasing me. Then she ran into a sharp corner on the linoleum kitchen counter. There was lot of blood..." she narrowed her eyes. "But I didn't really get it. I thought her screams of pain were merely... annoying. When my parents dropped me off at my friends house, I rejoiced in Yuki's not being there."

"When exactly was this?" I questioned slowly (I was reminded suddenly of the Gaara-hospital scene in the original manga plot-line).

Touka scowled. "I was five. I didn't really get it back then... looking back, I realize children are heartless creatures sometimes. They don't understand the affects their actions have on others..."

She smiled proudly. "I really have improved since those days. Now, my most violent acts outside of when I'm actually fighting is the hugging I ensue on other people."

"And what you did to Haku before you left Wave?" I teased.

"Ack!" Touka gasped. "The anime covered that, did they?"

"Nah," I laughed. "We just get a scene where Haku goes, 'she kissed me.' No actual kissing is shown. The fanbase felt extremely cheated. So now there's like a million fanarts of--"

"I get it, I get it," Touka laughed. "Can we not talk about that? While I'm kind of glad I did it, I'm not exactly _proud_ of it. It was a point where I lost the self-control I've spent this year as you penting up... not that I have much around that guy to begin with. He's so damn _beautiful! _But enough of my creepy fangirl rantings. Those Oto-nin could show up any minute now..."

"True," I laughed.

As if on cue, there was a rustling in the bushes.

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(Kin POV)

"Look, there he is." Zaku grinned. "Uchiha Sasuke. The one Orochimaru-sama ordered us to take out."

"I know," Dosu said. "You've said that three times in the past ten minutes."

I rolled my eyes. Dosu and Zaku are still under the illusion that Orochimaru cares about all of his ninja, which I know is wrong.

Orochimaru only cares about himself. He experiments on people whether or not he wants to, cloaking it all in his fake sympathy. Case in point: Sakon and Ukon. They weren't always in the same body, you know.

I'd leave the Sound Village if I could. But I'm afraid.

Silently (except for Zaku's excited breathing), we watched the two girls with fluorescent (orange and pink, respectively) have their extremely confusing conversation.

"He's so damn _beautiful_!" the orange-haired girl was saying. "But enough of my creepy fangirl rantings. Those Oto-nin could show up any minute now..."

"Huh?" Zaku muttered. "How could she know?"

"Don't ask me," Dosu whispered."

"WE CAN HEAR YOU!" The pink-haired girl yelled. "JUST COME OUT OF THERE ALREADY!"

"NO!" Dosu shouted back.

The orange-haired girl grinned. "There isn't much you can do to hurt us, anyway. We know how your techniques work!" she grinned cheesily.

"Oh, yeah?" Zaku shouted. "We'll see about that!" He stomped into the clearing.

The girl stood up and took three steps towards him. "By all means. Come at me, then," she challenged.

Zaku growled angrily and charged, only to fall into a particularly deep pit trap a few centimeters in front of the redhead's feet.

The girl smiled condescendingly. "Rage will blind you, Zaku-san. I only know this because it used to happen to me all too often. Dosu-san, Kin-san, you could come out if you wish. I don't particularly wish to fight either of you, you know."

One of the people sitting in the cave sat up, a boy with spiky blonde hair.

"Touka-chan's in politeness-mode," he mumbled. "What's going on?"

"Since I have not truthfully met these people before, it's only reasonable that I greet them politely," the orange-head, apparently called Touka.

I was astounded by this girl's calmness, if she knew she was going to be attacked by us. She must have a good control on her emotions.

"Huh?" the boy looked around. "I don't see anyone..."

"Neither do I!" Touka said perkily. "Buuuuut... I know they're in hiding in there soooooomewheeeeeeeeeeere!"

Remember what I said about Touka's calmness? Forget it. _All_ of it.

"Kin-san, Dosu-san, who are you hiding?" Touka called in song-song. "If you're trying to ambush us, you can forget it. We don't have two scrolls yet, so if you don't show yourselves we'll attack you."

Dosu jumped at Touka.

"How dare you force Zaku into your trap!" He yelled, swinging his arm, and the holed weapon thereof, down at Touka.

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(Dosu POV)

I smirked at myself as I swung my arm down at this annoying orange-headed girl. If she dodged my strike, the sounds of the air whistling through the holes in my arm-brace would screw with her ears and mess up her sense of balance.

She didn't sidestep the blow. Was she stupid or did she just have bad reflexes? She just stood there as my arm came down at her head.

Oh well, Either way, this was one of the expected outcomes.

What was _not_ expected was for her to bring up her arm and block, sweeping my arm away form her in an arc.

"Did you mishear me, Dosu-san?" Touka said mockingly. "I said, I know your techniques. In the original plot-line, you injured Lee-kun's sense of balance with this attack. I'm not the most balanced person as it is, so I couldn't afford such a loss."

She grabbed the arm she'd knocked away and spun in a circle, dragging me along with her. I tried to bring up my free arm, but she grabbed it too, and her spinning speeded up.

She started to spin towards where Kin was standing (I started to get dizzy).

Then, using my flying feet as a weapon, she knocked Kin over so that she was on the ground.

Kin growled an tried to attack her, but before she could get close enough to land a blow, Touka had used me as a weapon once again.

Then, Kin tried throwing needles, but most of them hit me instead. Touka wasn't just using me as a whirling weapon, I was also a shield.

I was used to knock Kin over one final time before Touka let go of me. I flew into a large tree and don't remember much after that. When I try too look back, my brain goes all... foggy... and I start to feel dizzy again.

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(Kin POV)

"Kin-san, you seem to be losing," Touka said, smiling apologetically. "I really don't feel like hurting anyone else, so if I could have your scroll now it would be most appreciated."

"No!" I said. "Never!"

"... That was an extremely cheesy and stereotypical villain-type thing to say," Touka noted, talking mostly to herself. "I've never heard that phrase used _seriously_ before..."

"That's because people joke a lot more where you come from," the pink-haired girl said pointedly. "Your terminology, for instance. People get called 'freak' by their friends and they're just _joking_. People get called 'demon' and it's a _compliment_."

The blonde boy seemed shocked by this. "Touka-chan, is that true?"

"Oh, yeah," Touka said. "Usually it refers to someone who is particularly strong or fast. You know, _He's a demon on the battlefield. Woah, dude, you're so fast! A speed demon!_ If I said that to someone in this world, I'd get glared at and the person would be extremely offended. And I would inexplicably become brutally injured."

"That's... weird," the blonde said slowly. "Don't you have demons where you come from?"

"If we did," Touka shrugged, "We don't anymore. I don't think they existed in the first place. To me, a demon is something you only find in anime or manga. Usually, it's because there's a character who's a half demon or a full demon, or is the carrier of a demon, and is generally a good guy, but has anger management issues or a bad reputation because of his lineage. Or, they were evil and they turned a new leaf. So, my view of demons is kinda twisted, see? I don't necessarily see them as evil. But this has _nothing_ to do with the current situation."

She turned back to me. "Kin-san, please," she said, her eyes softening. "All i want is a little, insignificant piece of paper. Is it really that hard...? To give up, when you're not fighting for yourself but for the approval of a superior?"

I gasped. She couldn't possibly know about Orochimaru!

"It may be the case that you look up to him," Touka continued. "Or maybe, you no longer respect the man, but you want to stay alive. Either way... it'd be pretty easy for you to disappear if you took your teammates and left just now. He would never have to know. He would assume you were dead. And as long as you lay low, in the right town, he'd probably never find out..."

"What do you want?" I hissed. "If you're offering to get me away from Orochimaru, then save it. You're no worse than he is."

"I ask for nothing." Touka grinned. "I don't want people die just because I didn't save them."

"You're lying," I accused. "You just want me to work for you instead of him."

Touka's eyes narrowed. "So you would liken me unto _that sort _of person? The sort who has people respect them, has people love them, only to have that person die to reach their goals? To kill them, themself? I'm not like that. If I wanted something for myself, I'd get it by myself. If I wanted someone dead, I'd be straightforward about it. I'm not a manipulating bastard. That's my least favorite sort of person..."

I raised an eyebrow. "And even if I did run, where would I go?"

Touka shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted. "A small civilian town maybe, probably somewhere remote. Or if you could find Akatsuki, I'm sure they'd be glad for any information off of Orochimaru... on second thought, no. That would be a very good way to get yourself killed. I'll give them the info myself. I know where one of them will be in a while..."

"Good luck with that," I said, rolling my eyes. This girl was obviously set on annoying every powerful ninja in the bingo book, and if she wanted to kill herself that badly, that wasn't my problem. "I'm just gonna go now..." I tossed the scroll at them, sighing. "Please don't kill my teammates."

"I won't!" Touka promised.

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(Sasuke POV)

When I woke up, Naruto was the first thing I saw.

... Heh.

"Oh!" Naruto looked down at me and smiled. "Good morning, teme!"

I pulled the dobe down so he was lying next to me. "... If I've woken up better ways, I can't think of them just now," I whispered in his ear. As predicted, Naruto blushed and I couldn't help but smirk.

Then, there was a flash of light, signifying that Touka had just taken a picture of me and Naruto's... position (lying next to each other with my hands on his shirt).

I raised my head to glare at her.

"Sorry!" she said, smiling apologetically. "I promised Kuro-chan I'd take a picture if anything like this happened! And Kuro-chan's the second to last person I'd want to anger... the first being Banshou-chan, of course." Touka shivered. "When she's angry, it's SCARY..."

"Good thing she can't speak Japanese or she might take offense in that," Sakura giggled. "And then you'd have angered her."

"Nah, Banshou-chan doesn't lose her temper very often. I've only really seen it once. But, since it's infrequent, it's even _scarier_..." Touka grinned.

"That's right," I noted. "If you see something that scares you too often, it might not scare you anymore. Hmm... where you come from, people speak English? So your friends wouldn't know Japanese..."

"Banshou-chan is fairly proficient at speaking French, though," Touka said.

Sakura nodded. "Fluent, now, actually," she said.

"I've missed a lot..." Touka sighed. "Is Kei-chan fluent in Japanese, too?"

"No, not yet," Sakura laughed. "I've been teaching her about ninjutsu, but I haven't taught her about Japanese. She wanted to learn it from that lady who taught it at your school."

Touka's eyes brightened. "You mean Nakahara-sensei? Well, she is _awesome_... not as awesome as my karate shihan, but awesome nontheless..."

"Speaking of which," Sakura said, "I figured you'd want to earn your black belt by yourself, so I didn't take your appearance to karate. I went as myself, except with black hair."

"Hey, what _is _your natural hair color?" Touka asked curiously. (I was curious too, but since Sakura is a creepy fangirl and she disturbs me, I said nothing.)

"I don't remember," Sakura giggled, "The women in my family dye their hair from a young age. It's a mark of our descendance from... once of my ancestors, I guess. I heard she was pretty strong, so I guess the pink hair makes me feel more confident."

"Woah," Touka said. "That's the total _opposite_ of the reason I dye _my_ hair..."

Naruto blinked. "How would lying about your... your... your what-you-look-like (I think he meant 'appearance') make you feel better dattebayou?"

Touka smiled warmly. "There's just someone I'd rather not look like, is all," she said, her tone reminiscent. "When my hair was its natural color, everyone said I looked like her. Even though she was gone, and remembering her hurt their feelings. I felt like I was hurting them... it wasn't a good feeling."

"Wait... TOUKA DYES HER HAIR, TOO?!" Naruto yelled. He woke up Banshou and Kei, who had still been asleep. "WHY?"

"Well, Touka's naturally blonde. The relative was blonde too, I guess," Sakura said. "But seriously, Touka! You're, like, _eight_ in that picture on the mantelpiece. your parents a said you started dying your hair about half a year after that picture was taken! If you died your hair when you were eight and a half, that's _three_ and a half years of dying your hair! Isn't that a bit much? If you could remember being blonde, why'd you switch for that long?"

"That's not _me_ on the mantelpiece," Touka said. "That's _her_. I'm the four-year-old in that picture. I've been a redhead for _seven _and a half years."

Sakura's eyes widened. "Oh. Gee..."

"What's going on?" Banshou muttered, sitting up (Kei had fallen back asleep).

"Touka dyed her hair because she looks like that girl on the mantelpiece picture," Sakura said.

Banshou blinked. "Oh, is that why? And to think, we all thought that girl was Touka..."

"No, it wasn't," Touka said. "I'm the toddler. How'd you know about my hair anyway?"

"Ummm..." Sakura grinned sheepishly. "I got curious?"

"So you washed years and years of hair dye out," Touka said flatly.

"Umm, yes?" Sakura said. Touka rolled her eyes, and then something must have occurred to her, because she gasped.

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(Touka POV)

Wait! If Sakura has washed out the hair dye, then... what if she'd never put it back?

I dropped the henge, reverting back to what my body really looked like (remember, the form I'd been using before was what I'd looked like when I was eleven, before Sakura got to me).

The first thing I noted was that fact that I was wearing a backpack.

And it was heavy.

But that wasn't important. The main thing was...

I grabbed a lock of my hair and brought it in front of my eyes.

My hair was blonde. And _much _longer than it used to be. _Her _hair had been long and blonde. How much did I look like _her _now? Were we 'almost twins' like my mom used to say, before _she _left? Seriously, _she_'s eight years older than me. I shouldn't be an exact clone of _her_.

"I'll just have to dye it again..." I sighed, using English because I'd feel guilty if Banshou-chan was left out of the conversation. "But it'd be confusing if I showed up like this for the tournament-thing. I'll just put the henge back now..." I dropped the backpack. "What's in there, anyway?"

"Harry Potter books one through seven," Sakura said. "Plus some clothing and a note from your parents which I can't read since your dad had really horrible handwriting. Sorry, couldn't help it. I'll carry it..."

"I think I can carry my own books," I said.

Banshou raised her eyebrows. "Touka, if you have them on you you'll start reading them. If you start reading them you won't be able to concentrate on anything else. And then you could... get hurt or die or something. Which would suck."

I laughed. "Yes, yes it would. Should we wake up Kei-chan now?"

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(LEE POV W00T)

I was off from my teammates, searching for food and enemies, jumping from tree to tree with youthful exuberance, when I noticed a leaf falling slowly down.

"If I can catch that leaf," I said, "I will find a girlfriend in the next year! And I will defeat Neji-kun and Touka-san will fight me seriously!"

Touka will never let our matches be more than taijutsu sparring, since the time she beat my by using her 'Scream' jutsu. She used to be stronger than me in that regard, but since Gai-sensei had started training me I beat her easier and easier each time. She hardly ever wins with just taijutsu now, and if I am only beating her easily neither of us will get stronger.

But since she knocked me out with the Scream, she feels afraid to fight me seriously.

I chased after the leaf, and would have caught it if it weren't for the bird that flew right past me and snatched it away in its beak.

"... That leaves things undecided!" I decided. "YOSH! I shall make my own destiny!"

Just then, I passed a clearing that was full of people.

I saw flash of pink hair in the clearing, and skidded to a halt.

-- Lee Flashback Mode --

"Touka-san!" I asked, after one of our sparring sessions during the month that I'd known about her bizarre situation. "Why do you keep that henge on, if you are currently technically Haruno-san? Doesn't using a henge form on a regular basis make life considerably more difficult for you?"

"Yeah," Touka said, laughing slightly, stretching her -- or rather, Haruno-san's -- limbs. "You see, I don't really like being compared to other people, because I'm not them. I'm myself. So, pretending to be someone I'm not when people know who I am is silly, since there's only one person who I let people compare me to, and it's not Sakura-san."

"Oh?" I asked. "Who is it, then, Touka-san?"

She smiled. "That person is... the person I was a couple years ago. Since I'm not that person now. I'm better than I used to be. I was weak, rude, violent. But I'm not now. The person who I am currently, is a person better than the person I was even just a year ago. You see?"

"Touka-san..." I said. I felt tears of youthfull-ness springing in my eyes. "That is a beautiful, youthful sing to say! I, too, am stronger than a year ago. In fact, I am stronger than yesterday, stronger than an hour ago, stronger than the last minute!"

Touka grinned exuberantly. "That's the spirit, Lee! Way to show that you care about what you're doing! Let's go find Gai-san and see if he'll buy us yogurt!"

"YOSH!" And we ran off to find my sensei and his youthful wallet.

-- End Flashback --

Why had Touka-san taken off the henge she used to look like herself, if she placed not being anyone besides herself at such high importance?

Slightly confused, I entered the clearing. "Touka-san..." I said. "Didn't you say you were not going to remove the henge over yourself until you were back in your own body?"

"Exactly," said Touka-san. "I'm Haruno Sakura. Touka's over there talking to Banshou-chan."

Oh. Apparently, my youthfulness was lacking if I had not noticed that this was the case. My eyes followed where Haruno-san was pointing, and I saw that Touka was indeede talking to a girl I did not know, who I assumed was Banshou-san.

"Touka-san!" I said with youthful exuberance, "Are you back in the form that you were born in! Let me see your youthful face!"

Touka turned and grinned. "Lee-kun! Glad to see you here uninjured. This is Banshou-chan, she's from Springfield."

I grinned. "Touka-san's own youthful hometown?"

"Yes!" Touka-san said, smiling giddily. "My friend Kei-chan's here too. ... Hey, now that I think of it, could you wake her up for me? She's the one sleeping over there..." She grinned.

"Of course!" I said, walking over to the sleeping form huddled in the back of the tree's hollow. "I would be honored to meet Touka-san's friends!"

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(Kei POV)

(Kei speaks english, so the english speech _won't_ be in these pointy thingies, and japanese will be spelled out phonetically (with the translation after it in parentheses))

I was having the strangest dream. I was running from the Bleach character Byakuya, who was invisible, and a creature called a llamallamaduck, when a giant log came down and was about to squish me--

"_Kei-san_, (Kei)" a somewhat familiar voice whispered. "_Okite yo, Kei-san_ (Wake up, Kei). _Kei-san_(Kei)? Touka-san no tomodachi (Touka's friend)? Anata wa daijobu desuka (are you okay)? Kei-san (kei)?"

It sounded like Lee. Exactly like Lee. Rock Lee. From Naruto.

But that would be silly. Lee's an anime character. There's no way--

Then, I remembered where I was.

"Lee?!" My eyes snapped open and I looked directly into the face of my favorite anime character, ever. The character I was most a fangirl of, was Rock Lee from Naruto.

Lee smiled, showing off his white, perfect teeth. "_Kei-san _(Kei)! _Boku wa Rock Lee desu_ (I am Rock Lee)!_ Hajimemashite_ (nice to meet you)!"

"_Ha-hajimemashite_!" I slurred. I'm still learning Japanese, so I don't know very much. Thankfully, I understood what he's said to far... "_A... anno_ (um) ... _Ohayo gouzaimasu_ (good morning)! _Touka... Touka-sempai wa... doko desuka_ (where is Touka... upperclassman Touka)?"

Lee pointed behind him at where my sempai was.

"Sempai (upperclassman)!" I said.

Touka-sempai and Banshou where both laughing. They looked up and smiled apologetically.

"Good morning..." Touka said guiltily. "Sorry... gave you quite a shocker there, didn't we? Kei, this is Lee."

I blushed. "I know that," I mumbled.

"Yes, you do," Touka said smugly. "And that adorable gay couple over there are Sasuke and Naruto... or Naruto and Sasuke? _Laaaaaawl_. And, of course, you know Banshou, me and Sakura. Sorry about scaring you like that... I couldn't help it..." she started laughing again. "Cute, isn't he?"

I looked at Lee, who was still sitting about two feet away from where I was, smiling infectiously.

_Gawsh_, I thought, _He's... so... cute!_

I smiled nervously. "Hi... umm..."

"Oh, right," Touka said. "Lee doesn't speak much English. _Chigau_ (not good). ... So this whole conversation is completely lost on him. _Sumimasen, Lee-kun. Kei-chan wa... _(sorry about that, Lee. Kei's...)"

She went on to say more, probably about how my Japanese is limited, I but I didn't understand it. I didn't hear her use the word '_suki_,' (like) so I'm pretty sure she didn't tell Lee about my huge crush on him. Which would be awkward.

... Actually, considering how Touka likes teasing me, I wouldn't be surprised if she did end up telling him.

"Sensei..." I said. Sakura looked up.

"Yes, Kei?" She asked. Since Sakura had taught me how to use chakra, she was, technically, my sensei-- so that was what I called her.

"... Can you help me learn Japanese so I can talk to Lee?" I asked. "Touka-sempai or Kuro-chan would just make me say the wrong things to tease me."

"Well..." Sakura grinned. "I'll try. They'll probably put me back in the Academy once I get back to civilization, though. But I think you'll learn fast anyway, Kei, since you're always so determined to learn Japanese. A genius of hard work, right? Like Lee."

"Sensei..." I got up and hugged Sakura. "Thank you..."

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-- (Lee POV) --

(English goes back into these pointy things now.)

I blinked. Sakura-san was Kei-san's sensei! I could see myself that they had a bond similar to my and Gai-sensei's, a bond of sensei-student friendship.

Of course, no sensei and student could ever be quite as youthful as Gai-sensei and I with our matching demeanors (and outfits), but Sakura and Kei were a rather youthful set themselves. I smiled to myself. Maybe, if I improved in my English, I could talk to Kei-san about student-teacher bonds. She seemed to understand them.

"So, Lee," Touka said curiously. "Are you just stopping by or did you have a reason for showing up? I mean, you showed up at this point in the original, but only because Sakura was being attacked."

I was confused. "But I've never met Sakura-san," I said.

"Yeah, but you were introduced to her before the first part of the exam in the original... yeah. That's kinda confusing, isn't it? Because... yeah..." Touka trailed off. "Why are you here, anyway?

"Ah!" I said, "Thank you for reminding me, Touka-san! I was hoping to fight you."

"Hmmm..." Touka-san said. "Well, gee, Lee-kun. I don't need a scroll off of you... plus, I just finished fighting someone else. I don't have the energy to fight you right now. Later, though. Maybe our paths will cross during the third exam tournament..."

"Touka-san just doesn't have the energy the fight me using only taijutsu," I said. "And I, as well, have been running in search of enemies, scouting for my team. I think we are both a little tired, but if I still want to fight you seriously!"

"Lee-kun..." Touka sighed. "I really, REALLY don't want to fight you. Like, seriously. I'd just get my butt kicked anyway."

"Not if you fought me seriously!" I said stubbornly. "I know that that sound I heard yesterday was your Scream jutsu, Touka-san! Only _you_ could have been that loud!"

"Yup," Haruno-san laughed. "Especially since she got her body back. She has a lung capacity even larger than mine."

"That's more than a little frightening," Sasuke-kun said from his position in the hollow tree, where he was hugging Naruto-kun. Naruto-kun had a blush of red across his face.

"Oi, teme..." Naruto-kun said. "You can let go of me now."

Sasuke-kun smirked. "Just because I _can_ doesn't mean I will."

"Awww..." Touka-san giggled, then turned back to me. "Listen, Lee. I don't want to hurt you almost as much as I don't want you to hurt me." She took out a stick of gum and started chewing it. "I'm telling you, just be on your way. Nobody gets hurt. I'll fight you... later. After the chuunin exams, after we're both healed from any injuries we might have. Kay? It's a promise."

She held out her hand, and I shook it. Then, I bounded off to meet my team.

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(Kuro-chan POV)

Akamaru whined.

Shino raised eyebrow. "Is that dog still scared about that sand ninja killing those rain ninja?"

"Yeah, that's part of it," Kiba sighed. "Then, there was that screechy high-pitched noise that we heard yesterday. Gave Akamaru a headache..."

"Poor Akamaru..." I said, scratching the dog behind the ear. "I had sensitive hearing too... in my original body"

"What did you do about it?" Kiba asked confusedly.

"Nothing," I said, "Although I did tell my loud friend to maybe quiet down a little, which she does. Occasionally. However, Hinata's body's hearing is less sensitive, so talking to Touka gives me less headaches as Hinata."

"Touka?" Kiba blinked. "Yeah, I guess she is kind of loud..."

"Only someone as loud as you would say that off-handedly," Shino muttered.

"I'M NOT _THAT_ LOUD!" Kiba yelled.

My hands found their way to my ears out of reflex. "Way to prove your point," I said, smirking. "_Foghorn_."

"YOU!" Kiba yelled, turning at me. "YOU! ARE! SO..."

My smirk grew wider. "Yes, go on. A warning, though. Those suna-nin are in the building somewhere and they might pissed if you give them headaches."

"..._How do you know that?!_" Kiba yelled, a little quieter.

"How did Touka know your name?" I asked, rhetorically. "You're all manga characters, remember? I know the names and techniques of those Suna-nin, and I know that if you annoy Gaara, he'll kill you."

"YOU! ARE! OBNOXIOUS!" Kiba yelled, despite my warning. "I WANT TO HIT YOU!"

"But, you won't," I said smugly. "Because you wouldn't want to hurt Hinata-chan."

Kiba's face turned an interesting embarrassed/angry shade of red, as he muttered something that can only be spelled out as 'qefhuireqgbvieukegjhqfv.'

"Awww..." I said mockingly. "Does Kiba-kun have a little cruuush on Hinata-chan?"

"It doesn't help that you're saying that while in Hinata's body," Kiba said through a blushing face and gritted teeth. "Please stop."

I shot him my best Puppy Dog Eyes look. "But Kiba-kuuuun..."

"Stop that!" Kiba pushed me away roughly. "Stop it..."

I grinned. "Okay. For now."

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(Hinata POV)

I stared at the computer screen. I'd been reading the scanlations of the latest chapter of 'Naruto,' when Kuroko said something that brought heat to my face.

'_Awww... does Kiba-kun have a little cruuush on Hinata-chaaan?' _Oumagatoki Kuroko's words echoed in my ears.

Kiba-kun didn't deny it.

Could it be that that he... possibly... liked...

No, how could he? Kiba had always been there for me, but as a friend.

... Right?

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(Touka POV)

"Woot!" I proclaimed, putting yet another fish on the end of a stick and roasting it over the fire. "Hunger is the best sauce!"

"You've had five fish already" Sasuke sighed. "Do you ever stop eating?

"That body has an abnormally large stomach," Sakura laughed. "I think it's going through another growth spurt."

"Oh HELL YES!" I exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air. "Six feet tall, here we come! How tall am I right now?"

"About five foot five," Sakura said. "That's three inches taller than Neji."

"And probably still shorter than Haku-kun!" I said. "I guess I get the _best of both worlds!_"

"Did you just reference Hannah Montana?" Banshou laughed.

I shrugged. "_Nobody's perfect, I gotta work it, again and again and again and again..._"

"NOOOO!" Banshou said over-dramatically.

"... I don't get it," Naruto said.

"We're referencing a singer whose stuff is overly cheesy and usually obnoxious," Sakura explained. "But her music is still better than what we get here, so I sort of like it..." she admitted sheepishly.

"Hey, that's all right," I said. "I like some of her stuff too. Hey, Isn't Kabuto supposed to show up at this point?"

As if on cue, Kabuto walked through the bushes. He looked a little worse for wear.

His eyes narrowed at me. "Of course I'd run into _you_ at this point," he hissed.

I giggled. "Whatever are you talking about, smooth-brained Yakushi-san?"

"My brain is _wrinkly_!" Kabuto protested. "I'm not mentally retarded or an animal!"

"You look like one with those scratches," Sasuke said, smirking (but also slightly confused because he, like most people I know, doesn't get the 'smooth brain' joke). "What happened?"

"I got ambushed," Kabuto sighed, sitting down. "But that team from Kirigakure."

"What?" I said. "Suigetsu-san's team?" I grinned. "Well, gee. That didn't happen in the original plotline..."

SO it probably had something to do with me. Heheh. All the better, Kabuto and his creepy teammates bug me. Plus, I'll get to see Suigetsu fight in the preliminaries to the third part of the exams!

... I also get to watch Gaara beat up Lee.

Shoot. That's going to be nail-biting. If I told Lee, though, he'd probably just get the notion that he couldn't win at all, and get injured even worse or die.

Plus, Tsunade would heal him. Eventually. As long as no one dies, I don't care if they're injured for awhile... just saving lives is hard enough as it is.

"Well, Yakushi-san," I said. "Do you have some business with us or are you just mooching food?"

His eyes landed on the fish, and I saw his eyes widen considerably.

"Oh, wait!" I said. "You're here to kidnap Sasuke-kun!"

"I am not," Kabuto huffed.

I smirked. "Bet your master'd love you if you did."

Kabuto sighed. "Not in the literal sense..." his gaze dropped to the ground. "I'm just a tool."

"Kabuto, you're ninja," I said flatly. "We're all tools. _That guy_, though... he's not worth being the tool of. He's cruel, discriminates against people, and does nasty experiments on humans."

"You don't understand," Kabuto hissed.

I blinked. "Probably not," I agreed. "I don't do the whole complete-devotion thingy. And I probably never will. Anime characters in those situations always die in nasty ways."

"Unless _you _save them," Sakura noted.

I grinned and nodded. "That's what I'm here for, I mean, it's why I didn't just go home when we ran into Orochimaru back there."

Kabuto gasped. "You met Orochimaru?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I manipulated him into putting me back in my body and not sending me home for good. Guess I just got lucky."

"Got lucky?" Sakura said. "With who?"

I started laughing. "No one," I said.

"Really?" Sasuke said. "But Kuro-chan said you raped Hak--"

"I DIDN'T!" I yelled. "Geesh, Sasuke, I still have _some_ morals."

Kabuto rolled his eyes and limped away, since obviously he was getting nothing done.

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(Sasuke POV)

Finally, we reached the tower with our scrolls.

"KURO-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Touka ran at Kuroko, whose back was turned, "I GOT MY BODY BACK BY MANIPULATING OROCHIMARU! ANS SAKURA'S HERE! AND I MISSED YOU! AND SASUKE AND NARUTO ARE ADORABLE TOGETHER (I smirked at this bit)! AND SAKURA TOTALLY SCREWED WITH MY HAIR COLOR BUT SINCE SHE GREW IT ALL LONG AND STUFF I SORT OF FORGIVE HER! AND I LOST THE GAME! AND IT WAS ME WHO PUT THE GUM IN NEJI'S SHAMPOO! AND... and..."

"Are you about done?" Kuroko said, smirking. "And _it burns_."

"Yeah," Touka said breathlessly, letting go of Kuroko. "Oh hey, I just remembered. Kei-chan and Banshou-chan are here! And so is Sakura. Also..."

The orange-haired girl pulled out her digital camera and showed some pictures to Kuroko who grinned.

"Careful there," she said. "This body may be able to run farther than mine, but if I see anything _too _steamy I might faint..."

"Yeah, you get trade-offs with the whole body-switching thing..." Touka sighed. "Sakura's way more flexible than I am and has better endurance, but I have more strength and a much larger lung capacity."

"Is that that much of an advantage?" Shino asked gruffly. "It only makes you louder. Isn't that a bad thing?"

Touka giggled. "Loudness means I will always be heard."

"And give people bigger headaches," I muttered.

"_Yeesh_." Touka rolled her eyes. "Do _all _Uchiha have sensitive hearing?"

"Yes," Kuroko said, rubbing her (or rather, Hyuuga Hinata's) temples. "That's another advantage here. Hinata's hearing isn't as good as mine, so she has a lot less headaches."

"I envy you," I said. "My hearing's sensitive as any Uchiha's, and I have to deal with her almost _every day_..."

"Quit your whining," Kuroko said. "I had to deal with her almost every day from six years old to eleven years old."

"That you had to deal with _me _every day," Sakura said sheepishly.

"Don't feel bad, Sakura," Touka said. "It's not your fault. Blame Orochimaru." She grinned.

"Isn't placing the blame on people a bad thing?" Kuroko said.

Touka shook her head. "Not if you saw them doing it. Oh wait... there's the whole genjutsu thing... and the whole it's-not-me-it's-my-mission scenario... ignore that. Gosh, you guys' world is confusing. You can't blame anyone, can you?"

Maybe she was right about some things, but I saw my brother standing above my family's corpses, so I know he did it, and there's no way the council of Konoha would ever order him to kill an entire clan.

... Right?

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(Gaara POV)

I was on the second floor of the tower with my... teammates. They were ignoring me, as usual, so I left them alone and went to see what the rest of the tower looked like. We certainly had the time-- this team I was in had gotten here in about an hour since the start of the exams.

When I was going down the stairs, I heard voices.

_Loud _voices.

Loud,_ female _voices.

Yaezaki.

Gritting my teeth, I walked towards the noise. This would be an excellent opportunity to kill her... this part of the exams was still running. If she died now, it would do nothing to the reputation of the village.

Which, in the end, I do care about. I just don't care about the people in it.

"Oh wait... " Touka was talking. Again. Does that girl ever shut up? "There's the whole genjutsu thing... and the whole it's-not-me-it's-my-mission scenario... ignore that. Gosh, you guys' world is confusing. You can't blame anyone, can you?"

"I guess you're right..." there was pink-haired girl there too, now, and two blonde girls with glasses. "When did they get here?" I wondered quietly aloud to myself.

"Did anyone just hear something?" Uchiha Sasuke asked, looking around.

"It might was been Sabaku-san or one of his sib-- err, teammates," Touka said. "They were here before anyone else, you know."

One of the blonde girls, the taller one, stiffened at the remark, like most people do. The short blonde girl grinned and patted the taller on the shoulder. She said something quietly I couldn't hear, but it sounded like she was saying something in English. Why? Isn't Japanese less confusing?"

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(Banshou POV)

(english is free of pointy things, japanese isn't dealt with)

I don't speak Japanese, so I don't exactly know what Touka, Kuro, and Sasuke were talking, but when I heard Touka say 'Sabaku-san,' I one thing about their conversation.

It somehow involved Gaara. Knowing this, I stiffened. What were they saying about Gaara? Now that I thought of it, he was probably some where in this building...

Kei patted me on the shoulder. "Banshou, you okay?"

"I'm fine..."

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(Gaara POV)

(english is trapped in pointies again... sorry...)

"I'm fine..." Banshou muttered.

I approached Yaezaki and told her to kindly not be so loud since I'd heard a rather loud noise yesterday and had a very bad headache, so if she could kindly lower her decibel count by about three hundred and thirty-two I would appreciate it _immensely_-- except my wording was a little stronger.

She stifled a giggle and whispered, "I'm so -pff- sorry, I don't mean to -pff- inflame your headache. By the way, -pff- this is -pff- Kei-chan and Banshou-pff-chan. They're from where I -heh- come from, so they don't -heh- speak any -giggle- Japanese. They -giggle- speak English, and Banshou-chan- AHAHAHAHAHA!" she collapsed against the wall laughing hysterically.

I glared. "What's so funny?" I could feel the sand in my gourd shift around.

"Your-- your random appearance! HAHAHAHAHA! You show up- HAHA- at the randomest times! You're freaking hilarious!"

I muttered something rude about Yaezaki under my breath in French (which is the original language of the Land of Wind. Being the Kazekage's son, I've learned it from a young age along with frnech and Italian.).

Banshou, the girl who had said she was 'fine' earlier, looked up.

"_You speak French?_" she asked, in French.

There was only one answer to that question.

"_Oui._"

Yaezaki giggled again, this time at Banshou, and Banshou shot her a glare.

I didn't know who this girl was, but I was somehow proud of her.

"_She's extremely annoying,_" I told Banshou, jabbing my thumb at Yaezaki.

Banshou smiled. I noticed there was wire strung across her teeth-- oh, wait, that was just her braces. We'd used those in the shinobi world until we'd invented medical jutsu that prevented the need for nasty teeth contraptions, but apparently wherever Yaezaki came from they weren't quite so advanced.

"_No, seriously_," I said. "_She's _really _annoying. How _do_ you put up with her?_"

Banshou shrugged. "_We have similar interests,_" she said. "_Tastes in music and the like. Plus, beyond the occasional annoyingness she's a pretty awesome person._"

I looked over at Yaezaki, who was laughing while chasing Uchiha Sasuke around trying to make him hug the pink-haired girl.

"NO!" yelled both the Uchiha and the pink-haired girl. "GET HIM/HER AWAY FROM ME! HE'S/I'M NARUTO'S, NOT MINE/HERS!"

Touka stopped abruptly. "CORRECT RESPONSE!" she yelled, grabbing her blonde teammate and pushing him into the Uchiha, who grabbed said blonde and gave him a hug along with a kiss on the cheek.

"..._ The last honest Uchiha is gay?_" I said. "_That sort of dooms the clan._"

Banshou giggled. "_It does, doesn't it?_"

Just then, my stomache grumbled. _"... I'm going to go to force some food off of my teammates. Later."_

And I walked away, feeling about half as alive as I do just after I've killed someone, with no idea why.

But I did know this: I was going to need to talk more to this Banshou girl. But if i killed Yaezaki, who was somehow her friend, then she would probably make herself scarce.

So, until I figured out why Banshou made me feel this way, I was going to have to put Yaezaki's death on hold. For now.

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(Banshou POV)

There was only one coherent thought left in my head after that French converstation. There were plenty of other thoughts flying around, but the only one I could really decipher into words was:

_GAARA TALKED TO ME! I DIDN'T ANNOY HIM AND HE SEEMED TO EVEN ALMOST ENJOY HIMSELF! GAARA TALKED TO ME! GAARA TALKED TO ME!_

"Awww..." Touka reached over and scratched me behind the ear. "Are you blushing?"

"Probably," I said, putting a hand to my heated cheek. "Yep. Definitely."

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(Touka POV)

"I have to hand it to you," Sakura said to Banshou, "You've got way better self-control than Touka does. When she saw Haku for the first time--"

"We know, Sakura," Sasuke said annoyedly. "We were there."

"And I read the manga, so I saw what happened," Sakura snapped back. "Gawsh. Don't be such a know-it all!"

"He can't help it," Naruto said. "He likes to show off."

"Like a poodle," I agreed.

Kei giggled. "Did you just compare Sasuke to poodle?" she asked. "That's what it sounded like."

Poor Kei. It must be so hard knowing only snippets of our conversation-- or more like extremely vexing. Gee, I'm glad I'm fluent. Now if only I could write kanji less messily...

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(Ino POV)

Wearily, my teammates and I dragged ourselves into the tower.

Touka popped her head hyperishly around a corner. "Hey Ino-chan! Guess what?"

"What?" I asked, not in the mood for one of Touka's mind games. If the answer was 'chicken butt,' I was going to smack the person nearest to me. And that was Shikamaru. WHo I was probably going to smack anyway. But still!

"CHICKEN BUTT!" Touka giggled (so I smacked Shikamaru, sending him into a flurry of 'troublesome's' and 'why's'). "Seriously though, I have slightly awesome newses," the orange-haired girl said. "It's-- _Monty Python's Flying Circus_ -- I got my body back!"

"You mean..." I gasped. "Sakura's back in _her_ body?"

"Yup-pers," Touka giggled. "Bet you wonder where she is then."

"You..." I growled. "You switched right back, didn't you? Otherwise you'd be home!" For some reason, the thought of Touka single-handedly thwarting my plans of ever seeing Forehead Girl again was a very vexing one.

"Bzzzt! Nope!" Touka giggled. "I'm a bitch, but not_ that much_ of a bitch! You see, Sakura's actually--"

"RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" I felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around me from behind.

"Sakura!" I gasped, turning around. "Is that really you?"

"Yeah," Sakura said. "Sorry for this whole switching mess. It kind of wasn't our fault."

I just hugged her back. "I missed you..." I whispered.

"Good," Sakura whispered back. "Because I missed you."

I glowed. I didn't know why, but I glowed nontheless.

Then I hugged her again.

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(Touka POV)

Eventually, everybody trickled in. Sakura and Ino didn't let go of each other one time, which was cute, but Sakura had the backpack against the wall and had therefore blocked my access to the Harry Potter books inside, which sort of pissed me off a little.

Then, Genma entered the room, and announced the second half of the second part of the chuunin exams.

Since I was in the place of Sakura, I would have to fight Ino.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmnnnnnn...

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me: well, gee, this took ridiculously long to write, sorry... also, I hope the language thingy wasn't too confusing.

sasuke: yeah, yeah, now PUT IN. MOAR. SASUNARU.

me: STFU or I won't let you whack Neji.

sasuke: (stfu's)

me: well, gee. I was told to put so InoSak femmeslash in here... so I probably will. Anyone have any ideas on what I should do with the Sasuke Retrieval Arc? Besides saving Kimimaro. Should I just save all of them? Is that even possible? Review and tell me thy blessed opinion, oh readers of mine!


End file.
